I have an 11-(almost 12) year-old niece, and lately she has been very concerned about boys. Now she has a young crush who says he likes her and wants to ask her out on a 'date'. I told her that she is too young for this sort of thing and that her and her little boyfriend should just be FRIENDS, and she threw a fit. I tried to calm her down, and at that minute MY boyfriend came to call! She called me an a** an told me it wasn't fair-how come I get a boyfriend? I'm 19!!
Now I have a problem. Her mother (my sister) says it's just a phase, but I saw some things in her diary that made me concerned (I won't mention them here).
So I need your opinion....too young? or am I just being overprotective?
2007-03-07 07:31:48 · 16 answers · asked by sonder 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Kids at that age seem to change boyfriend/girlfriends as fast as they change their socks. Being the mother of a 13 year old I hear all the stories about her friends. It's so hard to keep track of who they like this week, even if I kept a score card.
I personally think 11 is way to young to be in the dating scene. If my daughter wanted to date at that age I would have to laugh at the thought. I would never even begin to allow her to go on a date per say, but perhaps might think about maybe a group outing… to the movies or something like that as long as it's in a group. With the way things go in today's society I think kids need to enjoy life and be kids longer they are. They seem to be growing up way to fast and want to jump into the adult world… then when they get there at a young age they wish they could turn back the hands of time and be just a kid again… and sometimes that is not possible to do. Heck I myself at times wish I could turn back the hands of time… there would be a lot of things I would do different… one would be to enjoy my years of being just a "kid"
If you are that concerned about things you saw in her diary perhaps its time to let her mom see just what it is that concerns you. I am sure she would want to protect her daughter... And maybe if she read it she would see your side of the picture. But on the other hand remember… loosing the trust of someone that age can be a tough thing… I mean I can just imagine how she would react knowing you not only read her diary but then showed it to her mother. Just make sure its something that is a true concern and if you feel it is then you have to show her mom… it could save her from something down the road… and if you don’t show it to her and something did happen how you would feel.
Best of luck to you in a tough situation.
2007-03-07 08:04:48 · answer #1 · answered by Karen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let it play out, but keep a close eye on it. while you may think she is too young for a boyfriend (and I totally agree) she doesnt think so. and at 12 she is fully aware of what all that entails, trust me!
I have a 12 year old daughter who had a boyfriend recently. granted, it was little more (if any) than hiking, movies, watching TV type stuff. they were never left alone. But some rumors started circulating (things SHE was spreading), so we got concerned and had a LOOOOOOONG sit down talk with her. it seemed to sink in. we didnt forbid her from seeing him, but they are no longer together. so it ran its course, no one is the worse for wear, and everyone learned something. Keep an eye on her- she probably knows whats up. But likely for her, it won't be anything more than a "Friend that happens to be a boy".
2007-03-07 07:37:37 · answer #2 · answered by jmaximus12 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just by the way she threw a fit shows that she is yet too immature to handle a real serious relationship. She should be just friends. She should not be dating or even thinking about it until age 15 or 16. If there are dates, they should be done in groups of friends not one on one or alone. There are too many babies out there having babies. We as adults must watch out for them, it is part of being responsible, until they are old enough to be responsible for themselves, and make adult type decisions. If she does start talking about sex, which they do at about age 12, let her know about birth control and the consequences of having sex. I did this with my nephews when they were around that age. I even showed them how to use a condom (using a vegetable item for those smart wise crackers out there). They are now in their 20s and none have had babies or an STD.
I still check in with them often to see how they are doing. They always have trusted me to be straight up with them. So be the adult she can trust to tell her the truth, do not BS with her or give her the run around.
2007-03-07 07:48:51 · answer #3 · answered by Cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i wouldn't say it is necessarily to young, I have a 14 sister in high school, and she dated when she was around 11. And no your not being to over protective as its only natural to protect those who you care about. I would recommend allowing her to 'date' this boy who she likes, as if she is repressed, she will be more likely to rebel and get into things which are far to old for her age.
I would say that it would be reasonable to allow her to go out with this boy but keep an eye on her and make sure she's not being used in any way.
Hope this helped
2007-03-07 07:43:01 · answer #4 · answered by Ryan W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HONESTLY...now a days...there is no such thing as too young! To me I wasn't allowed to date until I was out of high school, had a job and payed rent. That was 17...I wasn't allowed to wear make up till I was 15...
I mean there are 12-13 year old girls getting pregnant.
I think she's WAY TOO YOUNG...and already thinking about boys, sex, make up and going out....
Her mom needs to put her on check!!! Ground her or beat her a** and she'll change. =)
2007-03-07 07:50:46 · answer #5 · answered by lotsofluv007 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her if she is going to kiss the boy!! Or the safest thing possible is go on a double date!! YOu have a boyfriend right?? So go with her and pretend your double dating but instead just watch what happens if something inappropriate happens take action!! Hope this helps!!
I started dating at the age of 11 too!!
2007-03-07 07:40:50 · answer #6 · answered by lynette 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is way to young. Her parents should not let her "date" either. It will cause her emotional problems in the long run b/c she will think that she always needs a boyfriend.
2007-03-07 07:40:24 · answer #7 · answered by rockran 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is to young, even though she is at that point where she likes boys, her other emotions haven't caught up with that yet, she'll think that she feels things that she doesn't. And if she gets her heart broken it will be harder for her because she is younger, she'll evenually get over it, life goes on she'll still like boys in three years when (I think) she's old enough to handle it.
2007-03-07 07:41:04 · answer #8 · answered by Amanda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not being overprotective your just not ready to see her get hurt..I think you should mabe let her have a boyfriend, because then she will learn from her mistakes and see what she did wrong.
2007-03-07 07:36:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right - she is too young. Plenty of time for that when she gets a few years older.
2007-03-07 07:37:14 · answer #10 · answered by lunasage 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋