my gf is waiting for me to make a commitment.?

Question

she doesnt say anything explicitly but i know she's thinking it and she wants kids and all that but i'm still not sure. we're both in our early 30's so i can hear her biological clock ticking. but alot of my friends/workmates have had or are in the process of divorce and that scares me cos i dont wanna go thru all that alimony and to tell you the truth i'm pretty happy with the state of my life right now. i like her alot and see myself definitely marrying her but not right now... but the time is ticking... what do i do??

known eachother for 3 yrs, together for 2.

i do want kids eventually. also she's been married before also but that doesn't bother me.

Answer 1

First off look at your relationship and not your friend/co-worker's relationships. Who knows what went wrong there? Could be they weren't mature enough for marriage and married too young, could be someone cheated, could be they married for the wrong reasons, so you can't worry about them! Second, if you're not ready to get married yet, tell her. Explain how it scares you right now and you would like to later but you just aren't ready yet. Maybe you guys could go middle of the road here, she wants commitment? Get engaged! That was she knows your serious about this, and maybe make it a long term engagment so that way you can wait till your ready.

Answer 2

Well, from the perspective of a girl who wants her bf to make some sort of commitment.
In my 30's as well. Been divorced now for a few years. My bf is in his 30s and never married.
I cannot stand his attitude of "well I am not wanting to commit to anything but I like the way things are and don't see a reason why we wouldn't be together years from now."
Are you planning for the future with her? Does she know it? Do you have a time line--like say in 1 year if things are still great will you be willing to then?
Just try to make future plans (and fairly big ones--like the house you want and so on...) with her and let her know that you see a future even if it isn't marriage right now.
Also--nothing wrong with a long engagement.

Answer 3

DO NOT let her force you into anything. You have to wait until you are ready. Your fears are legit, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and if this would be her second marriage, then your adds are worse, because like 3 out of 5 second marriages end in divorce.

Wait until you are ready, and if you do get to that point, make sure you both get your own attorneys, and have a pre-nuptuial agreement drawn up, so that you both can protect yourselves in the event that things don't work out. If she really loves you and doesn't plan on taking you to the cleaners, then she will have absolutely no problem signing a pre-nup. If you both have attorneys, then you can hash out an agreement that is acceptable to the both of you.

If she does have a problem with it, then that is a red flag, and you shouldn't go through with the marriage at all.

Answer 4

You can't base your decision for marriage on your friend's relationships. If you are the slightest bit unsure if you want to get married then don't. Make sure that you want to be married. Commitment doesn't always involve marriage. Things to think about: How long have you two been together? What do you want in life--children, career, home? Do you have conflicting beliefs? Do it when it feels right and you aren't pressured into it or scared out of it.

Answer 5

Tell her what you told us... That simple.

Although I do have a question.... when you say you're "still not sure", do you mean in general, or on the kids aspect? If it's on the kids aspect, TELL HER. I'm sure she doesn't want to hear 3 months down the road, "Oh, I decided I don't want kids." ESPECIALLY if she's decided for sure that she does want them. As far as the clock ticking, you've both got plenty of time. It's not uncommon for women to have children in their early 40s.

Answer 6

Trust me you will never marry this girl. Stop fooling yourself. Its so clear marriage is not in your future. Its not fair you keep her stringing along while her biological clock is ticking. Do you think its gonna keep ticking indefinitely? Eventually she won't be able to have kids and then she'll resent you even more. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

You should not get married because someone's clock is ticking. Having kids is not easy, making them is easy and fun, but they are not easy. If you are worried about divorce and alimony, you will have no life or money because if she doesn't get it for alimony she will for child support.

Answer 8

Just because your friends are getting divorced does not mean that would happen to you. However, if you are NOT ready to take that step don't rush it because that is when people make mistakes and end up doing things for all the wrong reasons.

Answer 9

I honestly think that things will fall into place with the whole kids and marriage thing, the both of you have to be ready, and if she loves you and likes you as much as you like and love her, she will understand that you are not ready right now. She can't be selffish. How long have to two of you been together?

Answer 10

Don't let what has happened to your friends and collegues scare you. If your not ready though don't rush it. If you can see yourself marrying her tell her that, talk to her about your fears but assure her it's not her that makes you scared. Possibly talk about engagement rings and get an idea of what she likes. By talking about it, it will show that you intend to do those things when you are ready and possibly ease your fears.