I love her sooooo much but she is gone now. I don't know if i'm ready for another close relationship, but i don't wanna pass up something potentially wonderful because i can't "let go" of the past. This new girl is kind, funny and stunningly pretty. What is the best way for me to approach a new relationship after losing the love of a life time? i don't want to hurt anybody or get hurt in this process. has anyone else dealt with this first hand? what is "too soon" to move on???
2007-03-07 06:08:25 · 21 answers · asked by Hanz 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
It still hurts that Amy's gone... but I want someone to be close with again. I will not try to compare any new relationship with the last one- because its unrealistic and unfair. I have a really, really good feeling about this new girl- but its kind of scarey because i still mourn the worlds loss of Amy.
2007-03-07 06:25:43 · update #1
It's only too soon if it's too soon for you. Meditate and figure that out before doing anything. You're right- life is short and you shouldn't pass on opportunity to make it good. But just make sure you are ready to enjoy it. She sounds like she was a good friend and would want you to be happy.
2007-03-07 06:11:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
I can tell you this: In 1991, in a three-week period i lost:
1 fiancee (all wedding arrangements were made for exactly 1 month from that day)_
1 aunt, 1 uncle, 3 guinea pigs, 1 dog, 1 next door neighbor, 3 friends in a car crash,
and my financee's best friend to suicide.
I spent the next ten years not getting involved with anyone, because my fiancee died suddenly of a heart attack, and I felt like i'd be cheating on him.
It was the lonliest time of my life; I grieved horribly and even lost my memory from a nervous breakdown. I can't remember anything unless I write it down, even things like
"you didn't feed the cat yet". I have notes everywhere.
Don't let this happen to you; She doesn't want that; you have to continue your life, because its not your time to do anything else yet.
Its not too soon to move on for you, because you have a good opportunity to do just that.
That should be your signal that its time.
The best way to approach this is one little baby step at a time; don't rush things (people tend to do that because in our subconsious we are thinking "we could die at any time").
Take it slow and easy. You didn't mention if you believe in God, but if ya do, get this:
When my financee died, I decided it was time to learn the Bible languages so I could read from the original manuscripts of the Bible;
Now, almost 17 years later, I do know them and
what they say is that our loved ones are not in a hole in the ground; to be absent from the flesh is to be instantly present with the Father.
She is in very good hands, and she's busy going on with her life, just as you need to be.
If I were you right now, I would rest today, and say whatever it is you need to say to her, and then wake up tomorrow morning fresh, with this attitude:
"Today is the day when I start my new life".
Thats the best gift you can give your loved one.
And its the best thing you could ever do for yourself.
Best of luck, remember: A fresh new start, ok?
2007-03-07 06:29:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason to feel guilt. You obviously had a close relationship with your last girlfriend and have had a void in your life since she died. Finding someone new that you can share that same closeness with, is a blessing and should be accepted as a gift from God. Many people who have been happily married for many years and lose their spouse will remarry quickly for much the same reason. Your past girlfriend, who loved you, would not want you to be in pain or pining for her endlessly. She would want you to be happy and finding someone to be happy with in this seriously messed up world is a good reason to move on.
2007-03-07 06:15:17 · answer #3 · answered by Crusader1189 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Bless You! First be honest with the new girl. She will understand what you are going through. Take it slow and remember the love that you had in your past and make each and every day with the new lady a very special day. You know better than anyone, here today, gone today.
I truly hope you find it in your heart to love this woman the way you both need to be loved.
2007-03-07 06:13:57 · answer #4 · answered by kim_n_orlando 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sure it is very painful to lose some one . But i am more than sure your last girlfriend would want you to be happy. If she was as wounderful like you say . think that there is no "too soon" to move on. Cause if you were not ready then you would not be felling want you feel. we all have to let go some time. Their will be a time when you will see your love again!
2007-03-07 06:25:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
can understand and empathize with you. my wife died in 1999 and have the same situation. but I need my new love in order to give me a reason to continue my life. suggest you think of the future with your new love as Amy would NOT want you to waste your life thinking about her. Amy has moved on and so must you. your heart is big enough for love of another.
2007-03-07 06:56:54 · answer #6 · answered by Marvin R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you finished mourning for her? The grief process cannot be rushed. Also have some compassion for yourself... impermanence is a natural condition of all things and if you've really moved on, you need to meditate on that concept and what love is really about. Give yourself time... patience, compassion and wisdom...
True love is ALTRUISM. If something isn't altruism then it's only ego, not "love".
_()_
2007-03-07 06:14:03 · answer #7 · answered by vinslave 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand that this must be extremely hard for you to go through this.
The one thing that really struck me though is the fact that you said you can't "let go" of the past.
If you aren't ready to let go, then you're not ready for something new. If you involved with someone new and you're not ready it won't work out and you'll end up causing yourself and the new girl more pain in the end.
2007-03-07 06:15:11 · answer #8 · answered by photogrl262000 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Guilt always comes from satan. Conviction and guilt are not the same. Guilt will draw you down and defeat you. The Lord love you and only wants the best for you. Ember Genesis, it's not good for man to be alone or lonely.
2007-03-07 06:20:07 · answer #9 · answered by Creepy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Four months isn't much time to come to grips with this kind of loss. Time is the healer. Try to wait a while longer so you're sure you're not just trying to fill the viod left behind by your girlfriend.
2007-03-07 06:12:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋