i feel like i am smothering my fiance.?

Question

I feel like I am emotionally burning out my fiance. I find that when we argue I don't want him mad at me and I pester him saying I am sorry and that I want to make it better. It becomes like a compulsion and I feel like I can't stop until I know that he has either forgiven me or not mad at me. I admit I can be emotionally draining and trying at times, but he tells me that I am too much to handle and that he does not want to listen to me anymore. He said maybe I am not the guy for you. I am in a tailspin and I feel out of control. What do people need when they feel smothered from an emotionally draining person. Please help me

Answer 1

People need space. I know a girl who's engaged and is in a similar situation. Although there are certainly other factors in their engagement, I'm pretty sure that sometimes she emotionally smothers him. She can be exceptionally needy (although to be fair, so can he.)

Sometimes you need to give the person TIME and SPACE. Just because you say "I'm sorry" or "I forgive you" doesn't mean the memory of the problem goes away. Sometomes you need to step back and take a look at the situation. What could you have done differently? Were you in a bad mood? Did he make himself emotionally unavailable?

Sometimes when one person gets assailed by all the emotions of another, it makes them feel inadequate, exasperated, tired, etc. It can be too much for one person to handle.

Why do feel the need for him to forgive you? Are you afraid he won't love you anymore? That he'll leave you? Is there a trust issue? A fear of abandonment? If you both feel that you are smothering him, step back and address why you think that is so. Ask what he thinks. Ask mutual friends if they know both of you well enough.

Then there's another side to it. Does he make himself emotionally unavailible? When you're upset, does he go off to have a drink or play video games or just physically leaves? The guy in the above situation would "emotionally shut down" by not responding to his girlfriend, literally. He'd ignore her when she'd become upset and just sit, staring into space. I believe they've moved beyond that step. He may feel he can't handle your relationship because he's afraid he can't take care of you and what you need.

I think the two of you should have a long and serious talk about this and see if you can move beyond it. Good luck!

Answer 2

Give him his space. I am the same way. I had to see my bf mad at me about something. But I have learned inorder to not become emotionally draining for him i give him his space to cool off. He knows when he is ready or wants to he can talk to me. I leave him alone and let him be that shows i respect you and understand you need your space. Just apologixe once not over and over let him know im sorry i really am and find your own corner of the house....

Answer 3

First of all if your relationship is really balanced in other areas, it could be a fear of failure or rejection on your part. The good news is that with a few therapy/counseling appointments you can easily learn new ways to deal with arguments/disagreements which all relationships have. Contact your health insurance carrier and ask for a referral to a reputable therapist. If your health insurance carrier doesn't provide this, contact your local health department and ask for a mental health referral (individual therapy or couples therapy fall under mental health division). Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

You might need some professional help. It seems you have realized you are emotionally draining on your boyfriend, but you can't stop it. If you do not want to lose him, get some help.

Answer 5

They need space! You have to let other people be mad at you if that is what they need. Sounds like your fear is that he will never see you again if he is mad at you. That's just not the case. Stop bugging him and let him have his own emotions. If you can't do that then you need to seek some therapy to help you.

Answer 6

sounds like you need to give this man some space and stop worrying about his feelings and start worring about your feelings and how you feel and also it helps to do your own thing like say hang out with your pals without him and do stuff without him...absence makes the heart grow fonder...trust me i am 4 yrs with my man and we appreciate our time together , but also like to be apart doing our own thing and when we get in an argument i do not take 100% responsibility to "people please " him i make him accept his part and my mine ~ it seems like you are even willing to be his doormat and oh yes men will walk on a person like that but it is not a challange that way~ see what i mean? i hope u do and i hope this helps~

Answer 7

Space. Quit being such a rollercoster. Let him live his life. Let him hang out with his friends. Don't ask what they did. Let him be the man, and therefore, in command of the relationship. You are just a person. One of many in the world. Its NOT all about you.

Answer 8

Stop saying that you are sorry. After you have said your piece once, let it go. ALL men hate when a girl says she's sorry over & over and won't let a subject drop. You HAVE TO train yourself to not let the words "I'm sorry", "what's wrong" etc.. come out of your mouth all of the time.

Answer 9

go buy a pretty new dress, hit the club with friends, get drunk and dont think about him for awhile. voila!

Answer 10

It sounds like you have to much estrogen. I would talk to your gyno about that...