Should i tell the bride her sister and mother who are giving me hell ? I am matron of honor.?

Question

I am the matron of honor. I am trying to throw a coed bridal shower and the mother and sister(maid of honor) are giving me hell. They keep taking over and cutting me out. First they said we don't need financial help from the other 6 bridesmaids. Then out voting me and picking a very exspensive venue for the shower ($3,000). So since they took care of the place Invitations was my job. When I tried to send invitations they decided they didn't like it so they went out bought new ones and told my friend(their neice) who is a bridesmaid that they wont be using MY invitations. I was livid. So the shower is in april. I feel like just showing up and not helping out now. what should I do ? Should I tell the bride?

Answer 1

Let them plan the shower as they please. Why don't you plan a lingere shower/bachlorette party type thing. This way it will be mostly close friends and you'll be able to have a few drinks. Have it on a friday or saturday night.

Answer 2

Don't tell the bride. She has enough stress right now, as is. She's asked you to be her matron of honor to relieve some of her stress, not add to it. You can tell her about it after the wedding, but not before!

You should tell the mom and sister that you're feeling very hurt thta they keep overriding your decisions and that they've basically cut you out of the process. Tell them that you can't afford the $3000 place and that you would like to do all you can to help, but that you have a budget that you need to stick to. If they can't understand that, then don't pay for anything for the shower. Simply show up at the shower, like any other guest, with a gift and a smile for your the bride!

Just realize that you will have to deal with the overbearing mom and sister for the rest of this wedding experience, so you don't want to be too harsh or negative because it could make your job very difficult and make the experience very miserable for you.

You really should just sit down with the mom and sister and tell them how you feel and if they can't understand or aren't willing to listen, then just do what you can--show up, give a gift and be there for your friend. That's all you can do!

Answer 3

You need to first talk to the mother and sister, tell them how you are feeling and that you are in charge - as the Matron of honor you have highest rank, even over her mother. You have to be firm and put your foot down because if you back off, you will lose any authority over the other bridesmaids and as MOH it's your responsibility to make sure they are doing their part. The bride is probably stressed enough and adding this conflict won't help her. However, if after talking to the mother and sister you get no resolution, you will have no other choice than to mention it to her (the bride). Let her know that you want to support her and do your duties and the constant interference from the others is prohibiting you from doing it properly. That you don't want to step down (unless you really do) and just need a little nudge from her to them. If you just don't show up or not help, the only person you'll hurt is the bride and she doesn't need that right now. Good luck.

Answer 4

I would let the mother and sister know that it seems like they have everything under control and really do not need your help. Still go to the party, but just let them do it their way. They can spend the money, they can have all the headaches (or not) and they can make it the way they want so as to not offend you anymore. If that doesnt seem to work you can let them know that since the beginning they have been going against you and that you are the one who is really supposed to be planning the whole thing. You can tell them that while you backed down from choosing the place it was only because they were being overly pushy and you wanted to keep piece. They stepped over their boundaries by tossing out the invitations that you chose. If they want your help then either they let you help or do it themselves- including footing the bill.

i would also let them know that since they have chosen a place to hold the party that was outside of the original budget that they really should include the other bridesmaids, since your contribution will not and has not changed.

The best thing to do is keep your cool and keep it polite. Dont tell the bride to be- she doesn't need the added stress of having to worry about the party.

Answer 5

It is your job to support the bride, not stress her out by complaining about her family.
Unless the details are a surprise for the bride, check in with her and casually inform her that some of the plans have changed, and you just want to make sure this is what she wants. Keep your remarks positive and polite, not complaining or negative. If she doesn't want what her mother and sister are planning, they you can go to them armed with that fact and change the plans again. If she doesn't care, or likes the new plans, you'll just to grit your teeth and go with it.

However, you should be clear with the mother and sister about your financial commitments. Let them know that you can only contribute X amount to the shower (whatever you had budgeted to contribute to the original idea), and that if they don't plan to ask the other bridesmaids to chip in, they will have to cover the costs of this expanded plan by themselves.
If they still insist on doing it their way, wash your hands of their plans and focus on the few details that you know will matter to the bride, or that you really feel are important - for example, let them fuss with the menu while you create a video slideshow for the bride

Answer 6

Don't let her know now. Right now she is dealing with alot of stress with the wedding and all that. Just let them do this and show up and have fun. If they say something about you not helping them set up tell them why. Do you think she will like the bridal shower they are going to give her? Or will she like the one you wanted to throw. Did the bride put you in charge of the bridal shower? Have you told the mother and sister how you felt?

Answer 7

Call the mom and/or sister, and say "I just want to say that I'd love to help out with anything you need for the shower. Just let me know!" Then, hang up the phone and forget all about it and just go to the shower. The offer to help is there, so you can't be faulted. But I doubt they'll call you.

You could also mention to the bride that her sis and mom seem to want the shower planning to be a family thing. Don't grip about it or anything, but just make this one little comment so that the bride will remember it if/when the mom complains that you aren't doing anything to help out.

Answer 8

Don't add to the bride's stress. Let these two have their '15 minutes of fame', so to speak; let them do whatever they want. Go to 'their' shower, be the bigger person.

In the meantime, QUIETLY plan one of your own. I know this isn't what you wanted, but alter you're plans & have a "girls only" night. After you have everything in place, send out the invites, either before or after theirs, it doesn't matter.
They'll either come or they won't; but you will have accomplished what you set out to do; the bride will have her shower from her MoH and another party.

I don't like the idea of revenge, it is NEVER a good idea. But this isn't exactly revenge. This is carrying out a responsibility that you have taken seriously
Shhhhh, get to work!.

Answer 9

The bride has enough to worry about now. I am sure they are likely bugging her. So just suck it all up and the writing will come out someday. Tell her after her honeymoom and she is still talking wedding. Take a deep breath and speak up where you can to the mother and sister - and if you can go to someone that may understand your feelings. They are family so that stinks. But you can let it all out someday after the fact - and/or find someone else in the wedding party who may side with you ??

Answer 10

Hell to the NO!!! Your job is to take the stress off of the Bride, if you go tattling every chance you get, you contribute to spoiling her wedding experience. You, in this situation, do not want to be the bearer of bad news! You also want to remain in the Bride's good graces and not cause her strife. So keep this nonsense to yourself and file it away under good things to know the next time you are the maid of honor. Good luck!

Answer 11

I would very politely tell the bride that since the wedding is her special day and you don't want anything to ruin it that you are letting her sister and mother take over as they seem to want to be responsible for it all. If you don't tell her something, she will think you don't want to participate and then think badly of you. If she presses you for more of an answer then tell her that they don't seem to be satifsifed with anything you do so you are letting them take over. Do let the mother and sister know, however, that since they are taking over, they will also be taking over the $3,000 bill. Since they don't need the monetary help of the other bridesmaids, they shouldn't need your help either.