I don't know how to handle my mother. help?

Question

I am 7 monthes pregnant and in a seriouse relationship yet my mother still tells me im a chil and has always talked down to me. i try to explain to her i pay my own bills i bought my own car and im living a very responsible life so she cant expect me to take her scoldings all the time. i know she has deppression & bi-polar but is that an excuse to allow her to down talk me?

I do not live with my mother.

Answer 1

if you are Latina or Asiatic don't take it personal....because you;ll hear your mom opinion wanted or not. try to take a visit break at least until you are out of your pregnancy.,"I've been there i know what u are going though"good luck,and love your mom :-)

Answer 2

I'm a mother and I'll always be a mother even when my kids have grown up. Sometimes, a parent doesn't seem to notice that they're kids are already grownup. Either that or they prefer not to see that the kids are grown up.
I don't know how you talked with your mother, but do it in a non-confrontational way. Tell her you love her and needed her moral support especially since the baby's birth is quite near.
Maybe her depression is the reason why she's talking down on you, make sure you talk to her like an adult should. If she start talking down on you, tell her firmly without screaming your head off that you won't listen to it and quietly leave the room.
Another thing is, talk to your mom about her depression when she's not in one of her mood. Be supportive of her also.
Good luck and congratulations with the baby.

Answer 3

If you're living as an independent adult there is no reason for her to talk to you like this. I know you love your mother and you know that she has problems but you'll end up with problems of your own if you allow this to continue. The next time it happens you need to tell her gently but firmly that you cannot communicate with her when she speaks to you like this and then walk away or hang up the phone. Be strong, remember we teach people how to treat us.

You say she has bi-polar, is she receiving help? Is she taking her meds?

Answer 4

If she has bi-polar then your talking to a brick wall. Accept the fact she is not well and keep your relationship to your self. Limit what you tell her. The less she knows the less she will have to say. When she starts to speak down to you tell her you will not accept her verbal abuse and will talk to her another time. You sit there and listen to her so she keeps on going if you cut her off she will soon learn to act nicer.

Answer 5

I so hear ya!my mom did the same thing,I listened to her throughout all 4 of my children tell me im an awful mother,well i know im not,maybe have made some bad choices but who hasnt!my mom tells me my daughter is learning patterns from me,like needing a man in my life or going out and having fun,well if thats the case did i learn from her?NO,because she didnt do that,i have a life she didnt,you dont need to put up with it tell her she needs to quit if she wants to be part of your childs life,i didnt and now i havent talked to her for 3 yrs,i put my foot down and she has wrote me and my kids off,well shes loosing out in my childrens life.my mom also depression and im sure bipolar also,its a hard dession but you have a family now.

Answer 6

First of all, Congratulations on your pregnancy! Second, Moms will be Moms..oh how they will.. all you can do is stick up for yourself, which you have to, very important! It doesnt mean you are disrespecting her as a parent, just means you are not going to be treated or talked to in an degrading or negative way. No one, not even your mother, has the right to treat you in such a negative way. You have to stick up for yourself and stand up for what you believe in, which in this case is YOU. You would want your baby to do the same, wouldn't you? Of course you would.

I wish you all the best with your baby and with your Mom as well. Good luck!

Answer 7

Just dont take it personal. Hear what shes saying and apply it to your life if it needs to be there, but do it in a way of your choosing. Remember this may be the only way your mother knows to show her affection. My father was like that, and i just blew him off, but heard what he said. It was what he was saying that was important, no HOW he was saying it. He was me living my own life, and respected it.

Answer 8

Maybe your mom is scared, and she doesn't want you to grow-up. Tell her that you know she is scared, and your about to be a mother too. Ask her for advice (you don't have to take it, just make her feel special). She may feel like she is losing touch with you. Don't constantly tell her you are an adult, bc adults don't go around saying "I'm an adult." Tell her that you are human, and we all make mistakes. Ask for her patience with you. She is your mother. Try to understand from her point, but don't let her walk all over you.

Answer 9

i have bipolar disorder, just like your mother.

but i'm not a control freak and i don't interfere in my adult children's lives. they have brains, i allow them to use theirs on a daily basis.

your mother has control issues, and probably lives OUTSIDE herself, meaning she doesn't take care of or control HERSELF, and feels the need to control SOMEONE... so she's chosen you.

does she have a therapist? if so, can you join her in a couple sessions to discuss these issues?

another thing you can do is to stop responding when she talks down to you... just leave the room and do something else. arguing with your mother, or trying to "explain" your actions just gives her bait to continue ranting and raving.

if you live with your mother, moving out might be healithier for you in the long run.

Answer 10

Tell her when she pays yours bills, makes your car payments and supports you then she can have a say so but until then you're not hearing it.