My boyfriend has in a really bad motorcycle accident the doctors didnt expect him to live. He ended up coming out of it doing everything they said he wouldnt do. he has a little problem with his speach and we also have to work with his right arm. now i just started to go back to work this week and he has totally changed its like he doesnt want me around he doent want me to help him or touch him.(before he only wanted me to do things for him) he wont tell me whats bothering him. its really hurting me and i am having a hard time dealing with it.
i cant figure out why he is acting this way toward me.
2007-03-07 04:36:04 · 23 answers · asked by redhot_001 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Im going through something like that now. your man is just showing that he can do things on his own. he dosent want help right now. its a phase that he will have to get through. just be patient with him. my man had major eye surgery and cant see out of his left eye. he acts like he doesent need help and can get very snappy. just let it blow over and stand by your guy. good luck.
2007-03-07 04:41:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He isn't used to depending on someone else and he probably doesn't like it. He is a guy and he isn't going to talk about it right now. Just try being there and being supportive. Don't ask for answers at this point because he is not ready for it. I am sure he was an independent person before all this and not being able to do everything he was doing before is finally all sinking in. Seeing you go back to work and get on with "regular" life probably triggered it some (that's not your fault either). It's just something he's got to get himself through. He may be afraid you won't stick around (or he thinks it's not fair to make you stick around) If you are there for him no matter what he will see it and eventually come to the realization you aren't going anywhere. Give him some time to deal with his situation. It can't be easy for him. Guys think of themselves as the "tough" one in the relationship and right now doesn't feel like he is the man he was. Be there to listen when he does want to talk and keep showing up to help even when he doesn't really act like he wants you there. It will work itself out. Good luck to both of you!
2007-03-07 12:47:39 · answer #2 · answered by debrenee211 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's part of the accident, that's why he's acting like that towards you. He might feel incompetent. It's completely normal be there for him. I know it's going to be hard, but you can only do so much. Talk to him that's the only thing you can do at this point unless you want to give him some space. I bet a lot of things are going threw his mind right now. All he might need is time. Don't worry it will be okay. I'm not trying to be mean, but if the continues to be the same way, he might want something better for you. You never know. GOOD LUCK!
2007-03-07 12:44:35 · answer #3 · answered by Morena461 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like the accident has been a wake-up call to his own mortality. He nearly lost his life, then (I'm guessing) he spent a large amount of time where people catered to him, did everything for him, and he couldn't do the little things for himself. I think the reason he doesn't want help is because he's trying to regain his independence and do things on his own, even if before he had other people do it for him.
As to why he's being distant and pushing you away, I can't say for certain. Perhaps he's trying to put distance between you so if something happens to him you can move on. Maybe you're eagerness to help is too much for him (though you mean well). I think what you need to do is to sit him down and talk to him about it. Tell him how you're struggling with all this as well and you need to know how you can help, how you can't help, and so forth. Communication is the key here! Tell him how you feel, and hopefully it'll encourage him to do the same.
Good luck to you both, and my your bf continue on his amazing (and miraculous) journey to recovery!
2007-03-07 12:43:56 · answer #4 · answered by serena_dee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your concern as you feel like he doesn't want to be around you anymore. Trust me, it's not that. My best friend, who in essence was a long non-stop crush, ended up getting into a really bad accident and ended up paralyzed. Before his accident he was always lively and codul've given a care less about anything in the world... but once he had his accident he started secluding himself from everyone and started talking to everyone less... including me... this was several years ago. But he explained to me that it's something that everyone goes through when they have a life altering event take place. It's as though they're trying to get used to what happened, so they need that time. Your boyfriend still loves you. Please do not think otherwise... I think he is just trying to come to grips with what happened. You will see soon enough he will come back around and be the person who you knew before. Hang in there and keep your head up. My prayers are with you and him on his recovery.
2007-03-07 12:43:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel, first. Second, realize that he is in a different state of mind right now, and I think it will take him time to come around. You might have to give him some space to come back to reality. It's not pretty but I'm sure he doesn't mean to be that way with you. Just be a faithful girlfriend, there are too many unfaithful woman out there today. No offense. Anyways, good luck.
2007-03-07 12:42:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him get used to the situation he is probably feeling useless at the moment. It will take time believe me I worked at a rehab clinic and seen cases like this all the time, most of the people come aound when adjusted to all that. All he needs is alot of understanding and lots of love, you shold not under no circumstance treat him any different then before that makes it look pittyful in the patient eyes. He needs to rebuild his self esteem. So just hang in there and you will see everything is going to work out just fine. Well good luck
2007-03-07 12:46:21 · answer #7 · answered by momof2manykids 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read up on Brain injuries and personality changes...you will understand it then. Also, men have pride and ego...you have to know "men" to understand why this adds to your frustrations.
No one can tell you whether to stay or go, it is up to you and what you can handle emotionally! You are not his wife however...you can leave the "boyfriend" part and stay his friend...a friend is what he is really going to need for the long term...being a girlfriend is pretty much out of the question...he cannot be boyfriend right now...!
2007-03-07 12:45:47 · answer #8 · answered by Karen G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is pushing you away because he doesn't want you to hurt. He doesn't want you to think that you have to do it and he doesn't want to be a burden on you. He possibly feels that he is. My husband tried to push me away too after a back surgery. I have to show him that I was going to be there for him no matter what. He wanted to find someone else that I didn't have to do so much for. He will never be 100% well but we deal with it everyday. You just have to show him how much you love him and let him know that you are there and that together you will take it one day at a time.
2007-03-07 12:45:32 · answer #9 · answered by chrisisdifferent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if your having a hard time dealing with the problems that his accident has caused you, imagine how its affecting him..
step into his shoes for a minute.. he's lucky to be alive.. he can't talk the same, nor does his right arm work the same..
my guess is just be understanding of him.. and let him try to get his life back in order. or at least attempt to find a new normal life..
and once he has that settled and he's adjusted to his new life then you'll be able to find your place in it..
2007-03-07 12:42:13 · answer #10 · answered by steph 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
probably, low self esteem and his afraid he might not get back to his usual self again... try to stretch your patience he needs you more now, try to just understand him, and make him feel that no matter how future would turn out to be, you'll just be by his side no matter what happen...
From low self esteem and not getting back to his usual self, make him feel that he doesn't deserve you, because he might be thinking that you deserve someone better (way way better than him) someone who'll take care of you for the rest of your life, and you won't be oblige to married a husband will only burden you in the near future...
constantly remind him that you love him, and that there is no person or other man that deserves you except him... Try to build up his shattered self esteem and his broken dreams... if your in pain and you felt like you suffered enough, think again!!! because situation hurts your boyfriend triple times...
2007-03-07 12:46:04 · answer #11 · answered by *Pretty Pink* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋