Christians: Will you answer my question about friendship?

Question

My problem is that my best friend recently made friends with a guy that I don't really like. This guy drinks excessively, smokes a lot of pot, swears constantly, gets into fights, mooches off my friend all the time, and treats women like dirt (he's cheating on his girlfriend, women are just objects to him). Am I being a bad Christian by not wanting to be friends with this new guy? I know that Jesus spent time with all sorts of "sinners" during his life. I care about this guy as a fellow human being and I don't wish him harm or anything...I just don't want to be friends with a guy like him. My friend says that he's a fun guy to spend time with and that I should try to be his friend. My friend thinks that I'm too judgemental, but think I'm just calling it as I see it. Does that make me a bad Christian? Can I love my neighbor as myself and still not want to be friends with him?

Answer 1

God does not expect us to become "bosom buddies" with the "wrong crowd" - it is one thing to be friendly and it is another to take someone into your life on a level that they begin to influence you (and that is what friendship does). I would say, do not develop a close friendship with someone of such opposite values as you, it leads to all kinds of trouble. The Scripture says be not unequally yoked and what fellowship (friendship) can light have with dark.

Answer 2

First off being a bad Christian is not what we should be doing. So remove that though from your head. I'm a Christian and you should shin your light as a Christian whenever you are a around a person like than. Don't stop be his friend by doing so you should lead by example. Sometime people tend watch what they do around you when they see that you are not do all that dumb stuff with them. I have a cousin who like to smoke weed, cigarettes, and drink but when I'm around her, she does not do any of the activity than she would normally do. We respect each other wishes when we are together. There is a boundary that you have to respect and learning to to do that everything else will follow. We as Christian should be share God word to other so that they can see what we see. We all sin in different ways, so do you think God turn his turn back on when you sin? Think about your self before you became a Christian, what was you doing at that time? People changes with a little help because you didn't do it all alone. You got help from somebody, maybe a friend, family, going to worship service or something. I hope everything work out for you.

Answer 3

You've got "love thy neighbor as thyself" right; it doesn't mean you have to approve of what another person does. Choosing not to be friends with (in the sense of forming a close association with) your best friend's new friend is your choice. We're called to love our neighbor, but it is HARD to like some of them, I agree.

And no, you're not a "bad Christian" any more than your friend is a "good Christian" for being friends with someone who, from your description, seems to not have any lasting ones who hang out with him after the fun's over. You can only be there as a friend for your friend and I pray with you that none of you get judgmental (which refers to condemning a person for their motives, which only God can know) of the others. Being someone's friend doesn't mean you have to be connected at the hip with them, and you're already loving your neighbor by giving your friend the room to associate with this "guy" rather than delivering an ultimatum ("It's him or me!"). We love people because they're each made in the image of God, even if they choose to not live up to their full potential. Nor do we, if you think about it.

I pray this helps you, and if you'd like tell me how things go! I'll always do my best to listen.

Answer 4

I think you can still love your neighbor without being friends with him. I would bring those points up to your friend in a tactful manner and hope she makes the right decision. Also, invite them both to church. Who knows what can happen? God can do miracles and He works in mysterious ways. Maybe you were put into this situation for a reason. Good luck and I will be praying for your situation. Btw, you are not a bad Christian. Isn't there a scripture (I cannot remember the exact one) that says shun evil? You do not have to be friends with him, but you gotta love him and be kind to him. (And praying for him isn't a bad idea either. ;-) )

Answer 5

You are not being a bad Christian by not placing yourself around someone who is a bad influence. You will be a bad Christian if you gossip about him and such.
It's not always popular to do what you know is right. If hanging out with someone gives you an icky feeling, then don't hang out with them no matter what your other friend says.
You can "love your neighbor" without approving of what he does or even spending time with him.

Answer 6

Yes, you can love him but do not have to like him. My suggestion would be to give him a chance, if you have not in the past. If things do not work out, at least you tried. But do genuinely try to be friends with him. That doesn't mean you have to do the things he does, nor even condone those things, but if you can overlook them then maybe he will see that he may not need all these things to be happy. Be an example to him. Plus, if your best friend is more like you...that is a good thing too, because then you can all hang out, but you have two of you giving him a positive influence.

Answer 7

You're not doing anything wrong by not wanting to be around this guy. He sounds like a very bad influence and it is so much easier for someone to pull you down than you to pull him up. Jesus says to LOVE our neighbors, but it doesn't mean we have to like them! Love is not an emotion - love is an action. You can care about him, but not want to be his friend.

My concern is more about your friend - is she a Christian? I'm concerned more for her than you actually. It's not that we aren't to hang out with sinners, but we are to be careful and not let other's ways of living affect our Christian walk.

Answer 8

Our Sunday School class is reviewing a book titled "Walk Across the Room" and it talks about how we as Christians should share our faith with others without bashing them, or coming across 'holier than thou'. I'm telling you, it's not as easy as it sounds! I can tell that you truly care for your friend and enjoy his friendship when he's not hanging around the new guy who is doing things that make you uncomfortable. I would say that you've been put in this situation - don' t be afraid to be their friend - you are a candle in the darkness! Both of these guys are going to be watching your every move and listening to every word you say, so pray for wisdom and try to withdraw yourself from awkward situations without coming across as judgemental. What an opportunity for them to see Jesus in you! Don't think of them as 'sinners', just as friends, and you'll be amazed at how God opens doors and presents opportunities for you to share His love without preaching at them!

I wish you well!!!

Answer 9

I don't think it means that you have to like someone, especially when they are hurting someone else. What I would suggest is that you continue to pray that your friend's eyes will be open and that this person's boyfriend will come to a realization of what he is doing. Praying for them is definitely okay. Just be careful on judging him so that you don't cause your friend to stumble, but you don't have to hang around with him, especially if he is not doing things you don't like.

But let your existing friend know that you will always be ready to hang around with him, but not in doing those activities. But instead of saying, you don't want to do it because it's against your religion, just tell them that you just are not comfortable with doing those activities and they should allow it to drop. That way, you show that you love the person, but not the activities.

Answer 10

You are not being judgemental. I feel "judge not....." means not judging a persons final destination, heaven or hell. That's for God to determine. But you have to use your own discernment to not be around 'bad' people, and in retrospect, that's the main reason for church and fellowship. Kind of like being influenced by the company you keep. But I don't think one has to go to a house of worship to get to heaven. Who knows what type of relationship I have with Jesus Christ? Just He and I. And yes it's personal, and no one elses business.

Answer 11

Yes Mama You can, Jesus plainly tells us to seperate ourselves from this type. But 1st there are somethings that need to be done before you do that. Speak to the Guy be a witness to him share Jesus, if he rejects Jesus, Jesus said to turn and walk away and brush the dirt from your feet. In Other words be done with it. But by all means do not allow your self to become part of his dirty deeds. Pray for them both and leave it alone and allow the Lord to show up and do his will in their life. Often when we are put in this type of place we do have a tendency to become judemental so guard your heart and Pray daily over this, And do Not speak one bad thing about either one of them. If your friend choose's him over you so be it. Still Allow the Lord to work it out and keep your heart right before him. Good Luck and I will Pray for you.