When I was 15, my parents (biological) adopted a 2 year old that was in their foster home. He has lived with my parents since he was six weeks old, and we are the only family he has ever known. He was placed into foster care b/c his mother was a drug addict and unable to care for him. We know (from the adoption records) that he has 6 older siblings out there. Due to his mother's drug use while pregnant, he has the mind of a four year old and he is actually 10. He is a happy child and never asks any questions about how he came to exist (I don't think he understands it yet due his developmental delays). How do we go about telling him, being that he is disabled?
2007-03-07 03:44:19 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
The doctors expect that he may reach the mentality of a 12 year old, but they say he may stay at the 4 year old level forever.
2007-03-07 03:55:13 · update #1
I'm a proponent of children knowing (having been abandoned as a child >50 years ago-- and still knowing nothing about my parents), regardless of pain; however, they should know only if the information will be understood (which it seems he's not able to yet). I would wait until you feel he would emotionally be able to place value (different than intellectually understand), or appreciate it and be able to respond with appropriate level questions and concerns. While this may be painful for him, it is an important developmental milestone for maturing and understanding one's roots.
2007-03-07 03:58:39 · answer #1 · answered by Wisdom??? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is it really necessary to tell him? If he is developmentally challenged, (has the mind of a 4 yr. old) it's probably not a good idea to burden him with the truth. Chances are, he would never ask anyway. If it's a case where the siblings are expected to pop up, and cause confusion, then maybe mom and dad could gently explain, while reassuring him of their undying love for him. But I don't think it serves any useful purpose right now and might even create unnecessary problems.
2007-03-07 04:03:16 · answer #2 · answered by bombastic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice would be to wait till he began asking questions or wait untill he is old enough to understand everything. i'm kinda in the same shoes. My finacee had a little boy with his ex wife and we got together when he was 16 months old and now he's about to turn 7 his biological mother lives one town over from us. We decided if she ever wanted to come in his life we would tell him. He thinks i had him so we leave it to that. he to young to understand why his biological mom not there. but if he never asks we are waiting till he gets old enough to understand and if he wants to meet her and his other sibilings he can he has 4 other siblings. his biological also is a drug attic she has none of her children. good luck
2007-03-07 04:00:30 · answer #3 · answered by this name 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why do you need to tell him?? If he is not asking questions, I would wait til he is older and then maybe he will be able to understand better. I have a four year old and I don't think he would have a clue what adoption is.
2007-03-07 03:49:25 · answer #4 · answered by Carrie K 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wonder if you even need to...if he is happy and developmentally has a 4 year old mind, it may just be more important to let him be happy. Just my opinion, good luck with whatever path you choose.
2007-03-07 03:49:03 · answer #5 · answered by christine_ 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
YOU DON'T!!! You said yourself he's got the mind of a four yr old, he could never understand what you mean, if you try it could tear his world apart. He doesn't need to know, in his mind your mom and dad are his mom and dad and you are his sister, why ruin that for him.
2007-03-07 03:48:51 · answer #6 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would wait till he asks you...wait until he is at least 10 years old in the head...He'll understand it more and maybe handle it a little more maturly...
2007-03-07 03:48:02 · answer #7 · answered by TrueHappiness<3 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ignorance is a bliss. since he is handicapped for life i would not tell him at all unless he asks. most likely your parents will be his guardian until death do they part.
i would wait for him to ask about it first. than telll him a story about a woman who gave birth to him and since your parents loved him so much they wanted to keep him forever.
2007-03-07 04:41:22 · answer #8 · answered by Miki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he even with a mind of a 4 yr old knows he is somewhat different from others...............reading this my first thought was WHY do you feel the need to tell him he is disabled and to be honest disabled is not a term I would use, more that he is special, special as HE was PICKED from all the others, SPECIAL cos he is HIM.........
What level do they expect him to be able to reach? as this would play a huge part in what he is told and how...........
2007-03-07 03:49:46 · answer #9 · answered by candy g 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
just talk to him on his level. and try to explain that it is not his fult because all children that were going to be told that their mother could not take care of him.
2007-03-07 03:50:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋