How do I deal with my ex when I want to be with her but depression may be a factor?

Question

I will shortly be meeting my ex for a drink. She ended things 1 mth ago after going out 9 mths on the basis her feelings had changed. This coincided with her suffering from depression. She also suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

She raised the issue of us splitting and I said to her I thought she was depressed (she has a history). She admitted she was & went to the dr who prescribed prozac and counselling. 1 wk later she said she wasn't depressed, didn't need counselling and it was our relationship causing her unhapiness. We broke up.

I didn't contact her to give her space. She contacted me recently on the basis she owed me money. I said to not worry about that. She then said she had a dvd of mine which she could bring round if I wanted. I wasn't sure what to make of her contact

I decided to ring her to chat. We have now agreed to meet. I am not sure what her intentions are?

I do miss her & want to be with her but am not sure how to go about it witout scaring her off?

Answer 1

This is a difficult one. Her depression does sound a factor in all of this. If you really want to be with her, then honesty, patience and understanding are what you are going to need. You will have to talk, a lot, and if you do get together again then you will have to be very supportive. Your girlfriend should also take responsibility and maintain links with her doctor, therepist etc. She had stated that she didn't need medication, or wasn't depressed. Well, people with depression can have ups and downs. Maybe she was having a good day? Or maybe not? This is the reason why should continue the links with her medical services. She sounds very uncertain. I think the best thing is to take things very slow, and not to commit to a relationship too soon. This is gonna take some time.
Good luck to you both.

Answer 2

I can only admire you for the way this question has been expanded to give a very cogent expression of your perceptions.
My advice, but I am not an expert, would be for this meeting to be very low key.

As your Ex (not sure whether this is a Wife or not) has been diagnosed and been treated, albeit a short time for her depression, there is some suggestion that her mood is conciliatory and your feelings are fairly obvious.

Not knowing how 'the chat' went, I can only assume that you understood it to be favourable and your real question is 'how to go about it' (your words).
My feelings are that you should choose a place where you have been happy together in the past. This might be a restaurant, a Park or anywhere but the conversation might revolve around the last time you were there and what you did or spoke about.

At no time should you mention the money or the CD. Let her introduce the subject, if she wishes to and follow up with conciliatory tones.

Perhaps it would be better to accompany her to her present home, accept that this is an initial endeavour to become reconciled and build on it in the days and weeks to come and leave with the offer of another meeting.

Do not rush this because her depression might trigger negatives.

I really have got you in mind now and hope this helps. Regrettably, we cannot pass information on e mail addresses so you will have to trust that I am genuinely interested in both your futures.

Answer 3

You know i answered your last q so im glad for you, i am in a very similar situation and its crap! I def. think she wants to make contact with you and going by my own situation dont do what i did and start rambling on let her do the talking and see what she has got to say. I rambled on and scared him off again...some people need to be treated with kid gloves... and she sounds like my b/f. I am back to square 1 again like you was before so just go with the flow, be calm about things and let her talk without much input from you. I just wish i could do my own advice but its hard when you want things urgently to go back before. Hope all goes well for you, good luck.

Answer 4

She wants a friendship with you, but she also wants to make sure her health will be OK. Suffering from depression makes her feel she is not good enough for you. I would say she definitely thinks the world of you go and meet her let things go at their own space. If she takes her tablets and continues to make progress with her health she will tell you If she wants comitment.
Good Luck.

Answer 5

It sounds like she wants to get back together, but this depression thing is something you don't get over quickly. I've been through the depression and the med's and counseling does help, but it take a long time. If you do get back together remember Job in the Bible

Answer 6

melancholy could be very problematic & complicated for the sufferer & every physique close to to them. She desires to get to the basis of the undertaking with counselling as her usual practitioner cautioned. Prozac purely mask the indications, so isn't a answer yet can furnish some non everlasting relief. you may furnish her help yet i think of she extremely desires professional help. i don't be responsive to no remember in case you may convince her, i think of she has to understand this & prefer to do it for herself. As for a dating, i don't be responsive to the area interior out such as you do, in spite of if it seems it would could desire to go on carry for a on an identical time as until she is greater good & knows what her own intentions are. i'm hoping you be waiting to ensure the area, it somewhat is not an undemanding one.

Answer 7

This sounds like a sort of dilema im having. Infact it sounds very familiar. I dont suppose this is doug is it??

Answer 8

Sounds like she might of been looking for a reason to see you.

Answer 9

JUST GO WITH THE FLOW MAN AND SEE WHERE FATE TAKES YOU IT WILL ALL WORK OUT IN THE END IF YOU JUST DON'T STRESS ABOUT IT

Answer 10

she is the one who contacted you first.....Go and meet with her and be a friend anything else extra is a bonus....