there's this guy, ben, that i've been with off and on since i was in tenth grade [i'm 20 now]. we dated several times throughout high school. i even cheated on several boyfriends and left a few to be with him. he's never been incredibly reliable. he generally ends up leaving me for someone that i think he knows will realistically never make him happy and with whom a relationship will totally fail miserably. i'm sure he loves me, he's told me on many occasions. he always seems so incredibly happy when he's with me, too. we started dating again about a month ago. he came back, after we hadn't spoken for a while and claimed that he couldn't stop thinking about me lately and that always been in love with me, but he was just frightened by that. and paranoid that a relationship with me would be his last and would entail marriage. he said he wants to stay with me and have everything work out now. i'm just so skeptical and genuinely afraid to trust him and be with him now. is that just a line?
2007-03-07 03:07:10 · 7 answers · asked by nelo c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he's actually promised me that he's ready to stop screwing around and make this work, "if it kills him". he said he's grown less paranoid about our future. i think he honestly thinks or thought he was going to marry me.. for whatever reason. he said we'll look back on this and he can tell me, "i told you so". hah.. but i STILL can't seem to believe that he wont leave. in this past week, i've even felt as though he's been losing interest. i supposed that could be paranoia on my part.. but i just don't know.
2007-03-07 07:27:44 · update #1
Love is an action, not a feeling. When you really love someone, you want what is best for them and you don't do things that would hurt them.
It sounds like this guy has genuine feelings for you and probably is attracted to you, but that doesn't mean he is in love. He's not showing you through his actions. He's already given himself a way out of the next fling with you by telling you he's afraid of a relationship. Men are honest for the most part. He's telling you he can't commit because he's too young and too afraid and not ready for marriage. If these are ok for you, then date him. If you want commitment and long-term, then this is not the guy for you. It's better to cut him out and mourn the loss than keep dragging your heart through the mud.
Why don't you date other people and see if you can put your effort into someone that returns it. You deserve to be happy.
2007-03-07 03:15:22 · answer #1 · answered by schmooish1975 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could work either way. He could be for real this time and you two could stick it out. He could get scared and leave again. It is like a flip of the coin. Heads or tails. You have to decide what is right for you in the end. You can ask any one on here and they will give you their detailed opinion but only you know what is right for you in the end so only you can truly answer this one. You were with this guy like forever and a day. Is he worth another real chance or not? Can he really be trusted again? Is he worth possibly getting hurt again? All these questions have to be answered by you and you alone. Take some time out and seriously think about what it is that you really want. Then make your decision. Follow your heart. Good luck!
2007-03-07 11:14:14 · answer #2 · answered by poetryprincess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On and off relationships are hard to get through. Our first 4 years was on and off. you need to lay down the line and say this is the last time I m going to take you back. (if that is what you want to do)if not tell him that you have been hurt by him to much and he needs to show that a long term relationship is what he really wants. Just go on dates with him and feel him out to see if he is sincere. if he don't pay attention to you or checking out other women and flirting with other women then he probably isn't he is just using you as a go between his relationships
2007-03-07 11:17:38 · answer #3 · answered by christina m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people DO change after time...yes you do have a past but I hardly believe that it will ultimately determine your future as many believe. if you have dealt with the past issues and learned from them then you'll be able to advance. I would take it one day at a time. it is really rare for people to be apart to find themselves back together with better circumstances and a new opportunity. Just take it slow and see how things go...if you feel you can't trust him or that he is the same ol guy then leave it be. anything is possible
2007-03-07 11:16:17 · answer #4 · answered by so_sincere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both have some growing up to do still. You're young, so that's expected.
I would say you should move on. You both established bad patterns with each other, and those would be very hard to break.
2007-03-07 11:14:21 · answer #5 · answered by jplrvflyer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might be lying but he might not be. I think you should give him one last chance and if he messes up again or hurts you, give him the boot. You can't keep wanting something when you're never going to actually "have" it. See what I mean?
2007-03-07 11:11:44 · answer #6 · answered by amberlynne_2007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Past history is the best predictor of future behavior....let that be your guide.
2007-03-07 11:09:50 · answer #7 · answered by Kerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋