I'm such a bad bad daughter!?

Question

We are Asians. Hope for more suitable answers.

I had a very bad day, doing things for my brother including paying mobile bills for him but I lost an amount and could not get it back. I came to my mom's canteen and hoped that she'll encourage me after all the things I do for my lazy brother.

My mom told me that I was so carelessly, and she repeated many times. I was sad and angry but said nothing and sulk and refuse to have dinner. My mom started getting angry and she cried. She thought I was better if I say something back but I was silent and so stubborn as if my mom should never tell me how to do things... She said: "Do I have the right to teach you after I bring you up like this??" Many things she said and I was totally silent, I was angry and sulk, but also felt sorry! I did not know what to do and did nothing ( still not eat) I left the canteen where many people saw us, not yet say sorry to mom,
I was stubborn, childish. I was so sorry but did not speak it out.
What can I do?

Answer 1

I don't think your being Asian has anything to do with your situation but there is something to be said for the family dynamics of very traditional cultures that explain what's happening here. Like you, I come from a very traditional culture that defines the roles of men and women. However, if your parents are like mine, they have lived a significant part of their lives in the United States. For a woman raised in a traditional culture, coming to the U.S. can spark a sense of liberation. As an adult, she can't just shake off her cultural role completely but she's going to want something more for her daughter. For women like your mother (and my mother), independence means being able to have control over your own money. So when you came in and told her that you lost money, she freaked. She probably started to worry as to whether you could handle money, if you could take care of yourself, and every paranoia that mothers have about their daughters came on full speed. It's a fear. It's irrational, perhaps over the top, especially in light of your history of being responsible. But it was fear and when you didn't respond with something that would allay her fears about your being able to take care of yourself or resolve the situation, it sent her further into a tailspin. Does this sound like what happened? Don't worry, it happens to almost every woman at some point, especially if they are very close to their mothers.

Plus, did you consider that maybe your mother may have been having a bad day and was stressed just like you? So when you came in and put this at her feet, it was the last straw that broke the camel's back so she overreacted. As much as you are her child, you are no longer a child and you have the opportunity to build a wonderful friendship with your mother. Let's say that this was not your mother but your friend and the same exact thing happened. Would you just stand there and not say anything? Or would you have followed up with relevant friend questions and ask her what the problem was? You would have done the latter. And it sounds like your mother was leaving the door open for you to do the same. But you went into child mode and that can't happen in a conversation between two adults.

Look, now that you have had time to think about it and calm down go to your mom and apologize. Not for what you did regarding the money but for not communicating with her. And while you're at it, ask her why she overreacted. Was there something going on with her that you didn't know about? Hey, she should have the comfort of knowing that she can come to you as woman, the same way you go to her with your problems. After this, move on.

As to the situation with your brother, I have some sympathy for you but not too much. I am an older sister with a younger brother and I was raised to believe that it was my responsibility to look out for my brother, especially when my parents were not around. And even though he's a grown man, 6'1, 200 lbs, it is my first instinct to help him when something goes wrong. This is how I was raised and I suspect the same holds true for you. So, you're not going to get any kudos for doing what you're "supposed to do". But you need to sit down with your brother and work out a way for him to pay you back. And until he pays you back, don't offer to pay for anything else unless it an emergency. I hope this helps. Good Luck!

Answer 2

We all try to do the best for the ones we love.Sometimes, though, we never get a "Thank you" . Sometimes we should never expect one. Next time tell your brother to ask his mama to pay his own bills. If you really feel bad about your Mama it is always easy to patch things up. Buy her candy or flowers and write her a card or tell her how happy you are to have her as your mama and how her respect and happiness is so important to you. In today's busy world it is so easy to forget to tell the ones that matter most in our lives that we love and appreciate them. Hopefully this will open up talk for you and her and then you can tell her why you were so upset the previous day. Sometime sharing a good cry with your mama clears the air. Being stubborn isn't the end of the world . Today is a new day. Follow your heart. We all have bad days.

Answer 3

I dont know what you can do..thats not as worse as what i did last night....called my dad an ignorant "nigha"...i'm not that type of person, but sometimes when we witness certain things over and over...you just really don't care. You seem like a nice person. Soo just stop being stubborn and you're a girl...it should be easier for you to show your feelings and apologise? But maybe you need to make some self adjustments...if you have a close relationship with your mom, it should probably be easier. And if not, just stop paying bills for your lazy brother...i dont understand why you'd be mad and sad though..if i had a sister or child like you...i guess thats what family are for? but it seems your brother is using you, which is the bad part.

Answer 4

eliminate THE credit card. i'm a dad or mum of three little ones and there is not any way and am gaining expertise of it problematic to regulate so there is not any way that i might grant my 13 3 hundred and sixty 5 days historic a economic corporation card. that is not suitable what you've gotten lost or broken out of your mum you're actually not a bad daughter those concerns take place. i might make an appointmnt to look the instructions counsellor and talk to them approximately your mums eating impediment and the type you may help her triumph over her addiction. in case you incredibly want money for your self get your self a area time technique and Macdonalds or Redrooster or infant sitting, in basic terms so for people who wish something think approximately to shop up for it this might an increasing style of instruct you some accountability.

Answer 5

I understand how you felt. You felt as though you were trying to help your brother and no one cared about that and did not look at the good that you were trying to do. Instead of trying to punish your mother by not speaking, you should have expressed yourself because it appears that by not speaking, you hurt yourself even more. Perhaps you were being stubborn and childish by not speaking up, but sometimes it is best to cool down so we can think with a cool, calm head. It is not too late to speak with your Mother on the subject now that things have calmed and hopefully the two of you can reach a better understanding for the future.

Answer 6

Ok, I'm not asian, but I grew up in Asian culture. So here goes: there seems to be a favoritism toward the son in every one of these families. The daughter always seems to be the one that must be docile and gets treated badly even though she still has to wear a smile on your face. None of this is your fault. Cut your brother's payments off. You don't deserve any of this at all. Your brother is lazy. And I don't know where you live, but you must understand, you do not need to support anybody who will not be equally supportive of you. Move out ASAP, go to college and get a good job. Tae care of your self and your family will see that they can't treat you poorly.

Answer 7

First of all, how old is your brother? Why are you paying for his bills? You need to tell your brother that he needs to stand up and pay for his own things. The best thing to do right now is talk to your mom and apologize for what happened. Tell her that she said some hurtful things to you. Hope this helps.

Answer 8

i feel sorry for you. There is nothing you can do to change your parents perception of you. There is nothing you can do to please them, no matter how hard you try. If talking to them can work, it would have worked long ago. Leave the house and lead your own life for a period of time. There will be other people who appreciate you. If you do not stand up to them, you'll be their sandbag forever

Answer 9

You are taking on a lot of FALSE RESPONSIBILITY. Apologize, then let your adult family members take care of their OWN responsibilities / problems.

Answer 10

thats weird