we have been together for almost 3 years he is younger then I am . I have told him to put a ring on my finger with words of love or let me go. he tells me what will happen if 6 months from now he changes his mind.. I say can I live with whatif's? help what should I do. why cant he love me enough. yes I am his first real love. how long should I wait?
2007-03-07 02:52:56 · 15 answers · asked by Jules 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Jules...(I took to you right away because my nickname is also Jules)...listen to yourself here. "I have told him to put a ring on my finger with words of love or let me go." GIRL! Wake up! First - love is a gift, not a commandment. If you have to TELL someone to do those things, then they are not the one for you. Oh, you might be able to manipulate or coerce some into performing the way you want them to...for a little while. But coercion does not a relationship make.
Second, don't let him be the deciding factor here. If you are not satisfied in the relationship and you want more than he is willing or able to give, then YOU let yourself go. Otherwise you will just be dangling, unhappy and dissatisfied, while you wait for him to "change".
Now, here's the hard part: Chances are, he's not gonna change, and you will never be able to change anyone's heart, no matter what you may coerce them to do for you in the short term. Making someone do what you want is only a counterfeit to the real McCoy......you need to be in a relationship where someone is GIVING you the affection you need, and you are loving them enough to not be constantly dictating the terms.
And you may want to chill on relationships for awhile...if you're asking "what about me and why can't he love me enough" instead of saying "what can I do for him because I love him so much", then you are not ready for a true, healthy relationship either. What you're describing doesn't sound like love from either party here.
Don't think I'm coming down on you - quite the contrary. I think you are an intelligent girl who knows what she wants and deserves to experience the real thing. You just need to know that you can't conjure up the real thing by placing demands and expectations on your boyfriend....whoever he is.
In other words, don't wait - be your own best friend and move on if you aren't satisfied where you're at.
Good luck to you both! Solidarity, sister!
2007-03-07 03:09:43 · answer #1 · answered by CassandraM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 years!!!!!! If he hasn't asked by now he probably wont. Just a little side story. I used to be crazy for this girl for about 3 years and i waited and waited for her to stop being hurt by other guys and look at me for the good man that i am. She never did. One day i just told her not to call me anymore. 3 weeks later i meet my fiance. The moral of this story is people usually know after a few months if they like someone or they are just keeping them around for whatever reason. After 2 years i put a ring on my girlfriends finger and asked her to marry me on the couch while we were watching TV. Not the most romantic situation but i knew i had to marry her because she was the best thing ever to happen to me. You deserve the same.
2007-03-07 03:03:53 · answer #2 · answered by UnderTigger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i imagine the problem the following isn't a lot that you want more suitable stuff or for her to make investments in you. it truly is that you do not experience that she truly adores you, or that she would not coach it sufficient. Is that suitable? i imagine you want to talk over with her. do not accuse her of no longer loving you adequate or something. only say that usually, you experience that something's lacking between you 2. affirming you do not experience particular is effective. She only may no longer understand that she isn't displaying it sufficient. I, as an party, am no longer a smooth man or woman and that i do not truly favor to exhibit my thoughts. and that i'm happy with that, yet I ignore that individuals favor to make certain that expression each now and then. If my boyfriend became feeling like i became being too unemotional, i could desire him to inform me, because truly some the time it would not even ensue to me. i'm only unlike that. perhaps your lady friend has similarities.
2016-12-05 09:03:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, he's not the kind of man you deserve. You deserve a man who honors and respects your values and your desires. He sounds immature. A buddy of mine said most guys know they want to marry a girl within 3 months, then they save money for 9 months (dropping her hints as well) and purpose on the day they met. This may sound pretty dull ... but with my guyfriends and my husbands guy friends this happens to be the norm. Best of Luck to you ... you cant make a guy into someone he's not.
2007-03-07 03:00:20 · answer #4 · answered by Summer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? What's the rush? If you need a ring, buy it. If you
want him to get you a ring give him the money and take him shopping
for you. When the ring is picked out he can pay for it with your money
and you could have him put it on your finger.
2007-03-07 03:02:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seems as if he is afraid of committment. it also seems as if he is not taking the relationship too seriously. why would he question that 6months from now you may not be together? take a break from him and if he loves you a lot, he will come back to you, otherwise you asking him again to put a ring on ur finger would kind of 'force' him in and you wont ever know if he married you because you forced him or if he wanted to himself.
2007-03-07 02:58:34 · answer #6 · answered by F . 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep waiting. He is just confused about his love for you... unsure if it is real or not. He is younger, so he doesn't know what to do yet. He doesn't know if this is the right way to go. Soon he will see that you are the one for him.
Keep waiting. Why are you desperate to get amrried to him? Stay with him and eventually he will come around.
2007-03-07 02:56:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he is already saying he is not sure and he might change his mind he aint worth waiting for hun sry to tell you but abviously he is having second thoughts and you dont need to waste any more time on someone you have already wasted 3 yrs on and its goin no where. no matter how much you love him.
2007-03-07 02:59:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can only wait for as long as you see fit. I will tell you this however. Don't push him into marrying you. You will regret it. Leaving him is a better option. Why would you want to marry someone who needs to be coerced into doing so.
2007-03-07 02:57:59 · answer #9 · answered by Devdude 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, trust me, this guy is not going to marry you, based on what you're typing here. He definitely doesn't appear to love you, either. I would advise you to break up with the guy; he's not reciprocal in the relationship. You're more into him than he is. It's time to send him packing.
2007-03-07 02:58:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋