Do you think your friendship with your friend should change once you get married.?

Question

I moved to TX 2 years ago, and my best friend was not happy about it. She really took it hard. So last year she got married (in NJ) and I was not able to make it to the shower, but I was in the wedding. Now this year I am getting married and our relationship has changed. Since I moved and since she got married.It just seems like since I have moved our relationship has changed. We do not talk that often. maybe once a month. We do communicate over email. But things just feel different, we do not share things like we use to. I try not to think about it, but We have been friends for a long time, and I do not want to stop talking for something stupid, or because we are both not talking about the really issue. I told my finace about it, and he says do not stress, but as women we always stress over stuff.

What do you think I should, and do you think a friend changes when people get married?

Answer 1

Sometimes people just change over time, if you live near or not. A good friendship would not break off because one moved or got married. maybe she is just going thru some things. If she chooses to be distant, then let her. Keep your phone call or email or two every now and then. And let her do what she does, tell her you dont understand ,but u will always be there if she needs you.

Answer 2

It is the nature of things. It does not mean you are a bad friend and it does not mean she is a bad friend (and shame on all those posting such judgments).

As grow older and our lifestyles change our relationships do too. And unless someone is a part of our routine, it is very easy to let things slip. Your friendships will change again once you have kids.

I was in the same boat as you. I only see my former best friend about once a year - but when we do it is like old times.

Just send her a card that relays the sentiment that although she and you aren't as "close" as you used to be, you still think of her often and care about her. Perhaps the next time you are in the same town take her out to lunch and tell her you are sorry if you did anything that upset or hurt her and you hope you guys can remain friends - even if it is a different type of relationship. Perhpas you can resolve to have a monthly "phone date" with her. Put it on the calendar and stick to it. That's what I do with one friend that moved away.

My thought is that is a mostly matter of just being busy with both of your new lives. Your fiance is right.

Answer 3

If you two have been friends for so long then the friendship should be there. You two have moved on now, she is married, you are getting married doesn't mean you two can't have the friendship you once had. It may be hard seeing how you two are miles apart now, and you may find or make new friends, but there will always be that one that you can go running to when you are down and out and that one person should be be your best friend in NJ. My best friend lives in KY and I am in TX, I miss her tremendously but she is always there for me and always will be. The only thing I can say is talk to her tell her how you feel and how much you miss her friendship. Good Luck and Congrats.

Answer 4

Friendships do change. If you're asking SHOULD they change, I guess that depends on the situation. I sympathize with you, because my girl friends sort of fell by the wayside after I met my husband, and that's kind of how it goes. I miss their friendship, but they have men in their lives and changes and children, and they hardly have time to communicate (or even get together and talk, shop, go to movies, anything!) like we used to. It's sad, but it's kind of like we got married, which was most important, and now our husbands are our top priority, and we don't have time to run around with friends.

It sounds in your description like your friend took your moving to Texas as an indication that you didn't care about her friendship. Yet she still asked you to be in her wedding, which you did. I would ask her to be in your wedding, unless you have closer people (sisters?) who you would rather ask. And try to keep communicating with her. But I would guess that once you are married you will find less and less time to talk with her. It's a lot of work to keep up long distance friendships.

So I'm sorry if I'm not helping much, but I think I answered your question. I don't think you should feel like it is either of your faults, but it is just something that happens when you move, marry, and change and grow. It's okay. Drift apart, send her a Christmas card, and find a friend in your town with similar interests and lifestyle (married, has just enough time to eat lunch now and then or something--I hang out with my mother in law now and we have a lot of fun!)

Anyway, good luck, and don't feel bad. Enjoy your marriage.

Answer 5

sometimes peole just grow apart marriage can be a part of this but so can a long distance between two people. Maybe you should consider moving closer to your friend if you still want to be a BFF. This may even help both of your rewlationships you guys can help each other out with marriage stuff and all that it sounds to me that you really care for your friend and miss that bond you had keep in touch and consider moving it may good for both of you. Good Luck on what you decide to do and God Bless.

Answer 6

i know it sucks, but it's just part of life. even if you lived next door to each other, it would never be quite the same. her spouse is now her closest friend, and that's how it should be, as it should be with you and your soon-to-be husband. why don't you talk to her and tell her that you're sad that you two aren't as close as before. also, it's not as easy to communicate your feelings through e-mail. obviously phone calls are better.(try MCI phonecards from COSTCO. it's like 3 cents a minute.) don't spend so much time worrying about how things have changed. try to get to know her again, as both of you are probably not the same people in a lot of ways. don't focus so much on your friendship "issues" with her, so you don't miss opportunities to become friends with women in you new circle. congratulations on getting married! 1 corinthians 13! :)

Answer 7

One, the move affected the relationship.
And when you marry your loyalty is to each other over parents, friends, job, leisure activities.
If your friendship stayed the same, I would be fearful for her marriage. Because of the change you have to learn to make the necessary adjustments in order to keep the friendship alive & healthy. There is no reason to stress.

Answer 8

Friends are always their when you need them, don't sweat the small stuff. Your friendship was on a personal level now she has a partner that's taken your place.
That's life, life changes roll with the punches. Your still friends but life change. Change with it. Most marriage don't last long when your friend hates their ex you're still be their.
Real friendship last forever, relationships come and go like the tides of the ocean. But a real friend is like a rock. Their always their when you need them. Relax stay in touch you're see in time everything will change, be the rock give your friend someone they can count on.

Answer 9

I know it's hard and sometimes sad, but with our lives growing and changing, friendships just don't stay the same. However, don't lose touch with her if you don't want to, but just realize that things have changed. Once married, our spouse tends to take over the best friend thing, and once we have kids, our sphere of friends change, too.

Answer 10

Sometimes it does because one of you is tied down and the other one is still single...the single one can go out and pick up guys, go out and have a good time and not have to answer to anyone....where as the married person while may still be able to go out and have a good time does still have to answer to her hubby when she gets home...has to be careful what she does or says so she doesnt get herself in trouble with the hubby(can't flirt or drink till they puke, etc)


I know my fiend and I aren't talking at all anymore because we are both getting married but my ring is bigger than hers so she thru a fit...childish huh??