my child will not obey.........?

Question

she is screaming her head off and she is only 3 please help me.

Answer 1

It's highly possible that she's just testing her boundaries. If she's not bleeding or injured and you're not able to calm her down, let her scream until she wears herself out. (Put her in her room & make sure there's nothing she can hurt herself on before leaving her there.) She'll get a sore throat out of it, and when she's done, you pick her up and lovingly but firmly tell her that you love her and because you love her, you will NOT tolerate such behavior. Stick to your guns....it will be hard, but she'll get the point if you're consistent and it should only take a couple of days. My 2 1/2 year old granddaughter has recently started to whine just to see how we will react, and the minute she starts that, I say: "Excuse me? What's that UGLY noise? It can't POSSIBLY be coming from my BEAUTIFUL little grandbaby!" Usually she stops when I say that, but once in awhile she'll continue and I put her on "time out." That usually does the trick. When her time is up (2 minutes), I hold her and explain that whining is NOT the way to ask for something.

Answer 2

You haven't given much info, but I'll give you some general suggestions. First, look at what's going on when she's out-of-control. Does she want something she can't have, are you expecting too much from a three year old, is there stress in the family, could she be in pain (ears)? If this is strictly behaviorial, the best and hardest thing to do is ignore her. Don't pick her up, don't talk to her...this only gives positive reinforcement for the undesirable behavior. Eventually they do stop screaming and then give her lots of attention and praise - but only after she stops, and don't talk about the tantrum. If she's in a public place and disturbing others pick her up or take her hand and take her out of the store or restaurant or whatever. Don't talk to her. "Terrible Two's" often spill over into the "Terrible Three's" so don't worry. Just don't make it worth her while to continue the behavior by giving her your attention and don't show anger. Remember this is most probably developmental and will eventually go away. It's hard, but try to ignore the behavior as best you can. Remember, positive rewards for positive behavior and doing what you ask of her(and I don't mean candy or toys, but time, attention, praise, a big hug, going to the park, reading a favorite story, etc). If things don't improve, talk to your pediatrician! Hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 3

If you have checked over and there is truly no physical reason (pain, hunger, etc) for her screaming, then try putting her in a room by herself with door closed. Tell her she can scream all she wants in that room only. When she is finished, she can come out and join the rest of the household. Each time she screams, you must repeat the process. If she is strong-willed, like my daughter was, you will have to repeat this discipline many, many times before the behavior changes.

Look into books and articles about spirited or strong-will children. They really do need a different kind of discipline thant the average child. It's hard work, but well worth the effort!

Good luck!

Answer 4

I also have had that problem with my daughter but she is a little younger. However my son who is four use to be the same way, it has alot to do with how much you give in to a child. If one day it's okay and the next day it isn't it just confuses a child that age. You have to be consistent with her. If you tell her she is going to be in time out if she does it one more time, put her there. Alot of people don't realize children need just as much discipline as they do love and affection. She is testing you right now, thats what they do at that age, don't let her control you. Take a deep breath, explain to her that if she continues to scream then she will not be allowed to do ------- you find something she enjoys and take it away. Every child is different but they all need stability and one way to assure that is to always be consistent. Good luck and I hope this helped. Children are very smart and will do whatever it takes to get what they want.

Answer 5

some times kids have to let loose. let her go. Personally I encourage my son to have a fit. When I tell him to go ahead and cry and stamp his feet he usually stops and looks at me like I've lost my mind....I will ignore it for a period of time and then go give him a hug and snuggle and he will calm down. distraction also works. I had a lot of difficulties as my son didn't start talking until after 3 and still has issues with speach and now that communication has started I will talk to him about his behaviour and let him know if he continues I will take something away from him.....toys.....tv et cetera. I also use counting to 3 and time out. Various things work for various children. But they cannot think that they are getting more attention because they are throwing a fit. So you have to be calm and cool. If that means you have to remove yourself.... make sure child is safe and leave the room or step outside (make sure you have keys in case child can lock doors.....been there, done that) If you are really upset call a friend or family member to help you. Take a break if you need it. If you get upset your child will get more upset.

Answer 6

Agreeing with the other parents. Consistency is number 1. Children need to be able to predict that there are consequences to their actions. Your child is also continueing to assert her need for independence. For some decisions, such as food and what clothes to wear give your child two choices and then she will fell like she has control. Also, as one person said, if her basic needs are met and she is safe, let her scream away. Eventually she will get tired of doing it and when she sees it has not affect on you she will stop doing it. It is hard to go about your daily work as you child is screeming, but just think of it as excersing her lungs.

Answer 7

I hate the word obey and have never used it - my kids would probably have a very vague idea what someone was talking about if someone were to use that word around them. There is no reason to EVER teach blind obedience. It is counter to the idea of discipline as "teaching" and at worse, unsafe, creating boundary issues in children so they cannot protect themselves from abusive adults.

Answer 8

Children who behave this way are not comfortable at all. She is pleading with you to stop her. She is out of control and has no idea how to stop this miserable behavior.

Who is the adult? Sure, she will wear herself out when you ignore her, but it really is a plea for help.
Not many see it that way, but when an adult is out of control, somebody steps in.

Help the child by looking at yourself. Why do you let her carry on in the first place?

When she first starts to fuss, nip it in the bud. Even a slight indication of a tantrum needs to be dealt with right away.

Do not tolerate any fussing. Deal with it NOW.

That's where parents miss it. If it inconveniences them to get up and handle it, then the child will continue to carry on until they are too worked up.
You are the adult. She is the child.

Who controls who? Do you let her have her way until you can't take it anymore?

Children need consistent, caring, and loving attention. Its called parenting at all costs.

Ignoring them works at times, but to get rid of the poor behavior you have to work at it. EVERYTIME. Consistency is your job.

Answer 9

I have a little brother who is 3 (Im 21 lol), The thing that works best with him is looking at an adult or older kid and saying "Will you look at Ty? He's acting like a baby. Ty do you want to go lay down in the crib? If youre going to act like a baby, Im going to treat you like one." It works every time. You just have to follow through with the treating-him-like-a-baby thing. We did it for a whole day, nasty baby food and all. He straightens right up now when we say it.

Im sure shes at a point that she wants to be a 'big girl'. Just tell her that if she is going to act like a baby, then you are going to treat her like one. At first she may like the idea, but do the things that she wouldnt like, like taking away the 'big girl' toys. As a matter of fact, my parents did it with all of us, (there is 5 of us.) and it worked really well.

Of course we were also spanked (not beat) for misbehaving after being warned not to. I think that helped as well, but not everyone spanks now days.

Answer 10

See if something is worring if there is no reason for her to be screaming the just walk away and go into another room. It works every time.