How do i bring back the fun and stop putting pressure on my relationship?

Question

I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 18mths. he is 22. We are currently living at his mum's to try and save money for a mortgage i thought we both wanted. He has now turned around saying he doesn't want a mortgage right now and he wants to go back to having fun and not to argue or discuss the future anymore. He is happy with living for evryday and whatever happens...happens. I just like to know we are both eventually heading in the right direction. He has told me he loves me and wants to be with me but doesn't know what to do anymore.
What should i do, how can i let him know that i can relax, be fun and not talk about a mortgage any more?

Thanks for this...i appreciate your comments. The thing is that we were renting a place for 6mths and then we decided we were just wasting our money so he suggested moving back to his mums to save... so i know what he's like to live with and i want to be with him. I think i do put too much pressure on him and especially being at his mums, i depend on him for a lot!???

Answer 1

Sorry but I think you biggest problem here is that you are living with family - you need to start spending time just the two of you - even if it means spending on rent and saving for a mortgage at the same time. Being in someone else's house will only be putting extra pressure on your relationship. Go away for the weekend together and have a good chat about things. Good luck.

Answer 2

How long r u supposed to live with his mum? You're both adults and should be standing on your own feet by now. Even if he doesn't want a mortgage you still have to find another place to live eventually! That means rent and all the other bills that go with it. It sounds like he isn't ready to grow up yet. After 18 months together it's definately time to move to the next step! If I were you I would think twice about buying a house together. I've been there. It's a lot of time and money to sacrafice without a commitment in your relationship. I lost over $15,000 after buying a house with my ex. Move on with someone who has the same kind of future in mind as you do. It's hard to walk away, but sometimes it's the best thing. Good luck!

Answer 3

well you are both quite young and undertaking a mortgage is a big step so maybe you should just do as he suggests - stop stressing over it and start going back to how it was before you discussed buying a house. Maybe even a few weeks of living the fun life would be enough for him - it might just be hes stuck in a rut and things are getting too much for him right now - you're doing the right thing in not talking about the mortgage for now - maybe organise a fun night out over the weekend where theres no serious talk allowed. Good luck!
xx

Answer 4

Your biggest problem is that you are living at his mums. When you live in such circumstances your life is not your own and there is no privacy. It isn't fun for you or his mum if she was honest.
You two need to move out of his mums for a start. Instead of pressuring your boyfriend to commit to buying a house and the responsibility that goes with it why don't you both put the idea on hold and find somewhere to rent for now.
That way you both can begin to discover that old spark that is now but an ember.
It appears to me that your boyfriend is getting cold feet about a lifetimes commitment. Give him space and time but be firm, if he won't move out of his mums and rent somewhere with you then I'm afraid that you have to make the choice as to whether to stay or move out yourself.
At least if you both rent somewhere you can both find out if being together and sharing a future is what you both want out of life.
As my dear departed mother once said, "If you want to know me then come and live with me."
Your both too young to be thinking of mortgages and working all the hours you can just to pay the bills and put food on the table. Go and have some fun before settling down.
All the best,Beans.

Answer 5

You are going to need somewhere to live so will have to save for a mortgageanyhow. Having said that the mortgages and house prices in the UK are frightening. So find a way of saving and not talking about it all the time. However you need to work out what you both want. YOU CAN HAV FUN SAVING FOR A HOUSE AND THEN MAKING IT YOUR HOME. uNLESS OF COURSE HIS IDEA OF FUN IS TRAVELLING THE WORLD ON HOLIDAY. I would make sure that you both want the same thing in life as I don't think thatyou do. Good luck

Answer 6

You should try to just lay off the subject of the future so much. Most guys seem ok with talk about what each one of your plans are but after a certain point i believe they get just as stressed as us girls do. He does have a point about just living one day at a time, dont get me wrong its good to know about what your plans are for the future to make sure your both on the same boat but that doesnt mean you need to constantly talk about it. Give him some space and air off the topic and both of you guys just need to relax. Things will always fall into place. Speaking of the unknown is very stressfull because you start seeing things as alot of what if's and what could happen. The way you can show him that you can be fun again and that he can relax is just do it.

Answer 7

He sounds very afraid of responsibility. I don't like that. He is using his mother. I wouldn't like someone changing directions on an important issue midstream. You had an agreement, and he just wants to have fun now? What if you had a mortgage one day and he said he didn't want to have it anymore? Let's just go have fun?! Not the way life works.

At 22, he should be at least renting somewhere. Ideas for fun, might be finding your own place.

Answer 8

I'm sorry but alarm bells ring for me. Appears to be a little one-sided. Is it just the mortgage thing or are there other factors that make you feel insecure? I'm a cynic but I think you're right to question. If you are looking for someone to be serious with and get a mortgage, then there's no reason why you should 'be fun and not talk about a mortgage anymore'. I think the issue lies with him, not you.

Good Luck x

Answer 9

By telling him you can, and showing him you can. Maybe he needs a bit more time. Have you been putting a bit too much pressure on maybe? You're both young, go out and have some fun! You'll have a mortgage around your neck for most of your life, enjoy your freedom now!

Answer 10

Seems like you already know you have put on too much pressure on him & willing to relax to being your fun self again. As you are also sure you want to be with him, where you live does not matter if you are both working & saving towards getting a more suitable home or your own.