Serious Issue?

Question

Can two people who have had a fling once upon a time,remain as being "friends"?

My man is still close friends with a girl he had a fling with...thing is,i dont doubt him,coz i cant be with someone i dont trust...its her i dont trust...reason being,she was in a relationship (livin with her man) while she had a fling with my man and still is with her man till today...i dont know,i just cant trust her and the things she says to me and the way she deals with things is just so damn shady to me...and i feel as tho,he cant see her for who she truly is coz hes an accomplice to it all and stuff..when u see it from an outsiders point of view,it just aint right...i dont know,i may be wrong..but after i found about her fling with my man,i told her we needed to talk about it and get it outta the way and that we should meet up for lunch and discuss this..and she had said ok but its been almost 3wks and i havent heard from her...but shes regularly callin n textin my man...what would u do??

One more thing i forgot to say...they had a fling waaaay before i came into the picture...im talking about over 2yrs ago...and plus,yes,he is at fault too,and its not only her fault..he was an accomplice and he knows that..when i found out and asked him why he never told me,he said it wasnt sumthin that he was particularly proud of doing and they both realised it was a mistake and decided to bury it and never bring it up and just keep the friendship they had before the "mistake"...

Answer 1

beat her down

Answer 2

Two things (from personal experience):

One is that it is possible to remain only friends with someone you once had a romantic relationship with. It's rare, but it can be done. I am close friends with a man I once dated for like a year. He is now married and I am in a serious relationship, but we still email and chat on the phone and we both consider each other almost family. I am also friends with a man I had a weekend fling with; again, he's in a relationship and so am I but we remain friends. No one would ever dream of being disrespectful of the other's love interest. But, I still say friendships after sexual relationships are the exception rather than the rule.

The second thing is, if you trust your man, it doesn't matter what a shady you-know-what the girl is. The important thing is if you can trust HIM, becuase she can try stuff all she wants, but it's up to your boyfriend to say no and keep her in her place.

People can be very rude and disrespectful, and you can't do much about how other people act, but if you trust your man then don't worry about this biatch. If you get all up in her face about calling & texting him, you'll seem insecure and that's no good.

Keep you head up, keep your eyes open and don't let some cheap ex of his ruin a good thing between you and him!

Answer 3

Did they have the fling while he was with you?
You sound somewhat like you are making excuses for him.In most circumstance's like this there are two people involved aren't there? Not sure that one can be held any more responsible than another.Didn't he know that she was with someone else at the time? And did he not go through with it anyway?What does he say? You've left some thing's out here.
If this went on while you were in the pic,you may want to suggest that it is time to break the tie's with her. If he isn't willing to do that then maybe you should think about what kind of situation you are willing to be in.You only put up in life what you are willing to put up with.

Answer 4

The older us ladies get, the wiser we get. You can bet if your thinking things are not right in your relationship with your man, your more than likely right. Follow your gut feelings on this one. As since a fling occurred once, it will happen again.
I confront the woman who is after my man. I run her off! I let her know I will not tolerate any woman being friends with my old man! It isn't natural! As the opposite sex being just friends? Well it has been my experience that is just a bunch of bull.
To put a stop to the communication between the two? Well sweetie, tell your man that you want her gone out of both your lives. More than likely he will do as you ask if he values you!

Answer 5

from what i read.... i can see why you don't want him talking to her its not that you don't trust him its her you don't trust! Which is totally understand able. but how bad are the text msgs? Do you see them is she flirting with him on them still? If this happened 2 yrs ago and you were clearly not in the picture its almost as if you don't really have a stand in this. Other then he is "your man" now. If she is flirting with him still then i would tell him its either you or her. And you really don't want him talking to her anymore. if he loves you he will understand and hopefully stop. If its just normal hello mojo stuff then you really have nothing to worry about. do they still see each other? if not then once again.. nothing to worry about. don't stress so much. but i do think its shitty that she offered to meet you and she did a no show. Talk to your man first and just explain how it makes you feel. maybe even try calling her if you have her number or send an email and tell her you wud appreciate it if they don't speak anymore.

hope this helps..

Answer 6

I don't understand why women blame the 'other woman' for messing with their man? He is just as much to blame. And, why would you want to be with him? He knew the other woman was in a relationship, but didn't mind the benefits. History, is everything. History, has a way of repeating too....And, can flings or ex's be "friends"? No! The other woman has a boyfriend, why does she need to talk to 'yours'?

And, it is ridiculous to meet her for lunch--obviously, it did no good. They BOTH may be laughin behind your back. Find someone who cares about only you.

Answer 7

It takes two to tango! If your husband says he doesn't plan to repeat that mistake and you trust him, that should be enough said. If there was anything going on your husband wouldn't have told you that they had a fling at one time. Tell the old green eyed monster called jealousy to go back to sleep.

Answer 8

I suggest you Invite her out for drinks and talk to her about how you feel. Dialogue is Important.

Explain the perception you are getting and the Inappropiate calling and text messaging. Talking to your man and her is the only way to go.
Good luck...

Answer 9

You need to tell your man that he needs to break the ties of friendship with his girl. He doesnt need any other women but you in his life, and call the girl and tell her to back off! If your man cant understand you, then maybe he isnt the man you need in your life?

Answer 10

Back off and just try to reconcile a friendship if possible. Doesn't sound like good relationship in works.

Answer 11

if the old fling is still are. they are still doing it. time for you to go and find a man not a littie boy who thinks below the belt.