My daughter is in daycare and I work full time but want to be a stay at home mom. Is this wrong?

Question

My husband and I both work full-time because we have to, financially (and no we don't have any xtras, just house, 1 car payment and utilities. no cable or cell phones either). I would love nothing more than to stay home with my daughter to guide her and raise her, instead of putting her in daycare all day. For the year and a half that she has been in daycare, she's been constantly sick - she gets over one thing, she picks up some other sickness there. I feel soooooo guilty about this. I mean, just as a general consensus from the moms out there, is it bad to have your kids in daycare? I think that if you have to, then you have to (like my husband and I do), some people don't have a choice - it's eitehr that or loose your home and go hungry, you know? Any suggestions for making things work? I'd like to mention again, we don't spend $ on any extras, we don't even go out! I just want to hear what you think on this topic and if you have any suggestions as to how to make it work.

Answer 1

I know how you are feeling, and hope that I can provide some insight for you. I am a stay at home mom myself and my husband works. We don't really have many extras either, and that is fine with me, but I do what I can to help out financially. If you added up daycare expenses and gas etc, you would probably be better off if you stayed at home and their is always corners one can cut to help save money. Clip coupons, buy second hand clothing, etc. Daycare is not an option for me, but sadly, for many they have no other choice. I have worked in a number of daycares, and you are right. They are riddled with germs and other sick children. There are usually too many children to give them each the individual attention they need. There are a number of things you can do to earn money from home as well. I am a Powerseller on Ebay, and I also clean houses once a week. It's not as much as I would make elsewhere, but it definitely helps my family and my children are better off being raised by me. Hope everything works out for you to stay at home.

Answer 2

Hi, how old is your daughter? I am struggling with a similar dilemna. I have a 3 year old daughter and an 11 year old son. My husband lost his job a year ago and has not been able to find as well a paying job since then (partially due to depression and lack of ambition). I was a single parent with my son until he was 4. I had to work when I was single, or go on welfare. I worked full time and went to school until he was 2. He had severe asthma and was constantly sick from exposure to sick kids in daycare. It was tough because my job was unsympathetic. He would be sick for months - pneumonia 5 times before he turned 5. I quit working when he was 2 and went on welfare and finished school. Going on welfare is not easy, contrary to what people might think, and even harder when you are married. It was worth it, but I have to say that he got sick almost just as much being home as he did in daycare. Good news is that today at 11 he is healthy as an ox! He seems to have outgrown his asthma and is the last person to catch a cold and the first one to recover if he gets one. Now, I am capable of out earning my husband. In fact, I have been offered a very good job in Chicago which would be a 10 hour day if you count commute. I have been working part time until now and have to decide if I am willing to work full time to help my husband out. We too don't have any extras, and meeting the mortgage has been very hard this year. I think the better idea would be for my husband to work 2 jobs until my daughter is in first grade (when it does get easier) three years from now. Of course, he doesn't want too. I would rather be poor and have well raised kids. I drive an 11 year old car that is a real eyesore! I shop at Wal Mart for almost everything. Merchandising is a decent paying job that is flexible and part time (usually no benefits). Usually, you can work extra hours during busy times of year (Christmas). You don't say what you do for a living but that is a possible option.

Answer 3

I'm a stay-at-home mom and we have made quite a few sacrifices for me to do it. I have a friend who put her child in daycare and because of the illnesses she contracted they ended up spending more than she made so she left work. On the other hand, I am probably going to have to go back to work soon because we have debt we need to repay, I'd like my children to go to college someday, and frankly, I'm tired of cutting it so close every month.

I know it's heartwrenching that she keeps getting sick but eventually that will even out. Daycare kids catch everything early but by the time they're kindergarten age, they have great resistance. My daughter has caught everything this year because it's her first year at school. And she brings it home to her little sister. So think of it that you're just getting it early and your little one will have a super immune system.

I have to add one thing. I really enjoyed being a sahm and I highly recommend it. But if I had been a doctor or other professional I don't know that I would have done it. If they daycare is quality and you make the most of your time when you're with your child, I don't think the children are really suffering.

Answer 4

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mom!!
I think it's natural to want to be with your child, just sometimes that is not possible.
I know exactly what you're going through, I've been there, many years ago.
Currently, I have taken leave and am at home for another year. I am grateful for the opportunity, although I already dread the thought of leaving my children in care when I have to return to work!!
It's all about sacrifices (sounds like you are making the biggest now) and finding solutions. Daycare is a sore topic with me, as prior to becoming a teacher I worked in Daycare for three years. I hated it, found most centres were seriously just into making money and there was a lot of pretence going on. I placed my 3 yr old into care one day a week after giving birth to three children in three years. I found I was struggling emotionally as I never had a break, and needed some time just to get back on track. But I went to every daycare in the area and found they all lacked severely, in different areas. Finally I found one that looked good, but within a short time realised it too was not what it pretended to be. After just 13 days in attendance I pulled the plug. It seemed for every day he was there, he then got sick and we spent a fortune on medical costs and medicine. It just wasn't worth it.

I am in the fortunate position that I have a choice at the moment. We don't EVER go out or anything, and things are really tight, but we can do it. I just feel sorry that things in the world have gotten to such a state that women now often don't have the choice to stay home anymore. Emancipation of women has a lot to answer for here, sorry, but with women choosing to work came the increased income, then the spending, then inflation. Now the choice is gone and we, once again, are back where we started, just in a different way. I know a lot of people would disagree, but that's how I feel and I know that's the situation many find themselves in. You have to work, or you don't live. That doesn't sound like a real win to me..
Maybe work from home?? It depends on what work you do..

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel I felt the same way!!!
I worked full time and even like my job until I had my daughter. I hated dropping her off at day care I want to be home with her but we couldn't afford it either.
My Mary Kay consultant offered me information on the Mary Kay business opportunity and I was not interested in hearing it I had already decided direct sales was not for me and told her no thanks you. It was a year later I call it Divine intervention because I don't know what else made me hear not just listen to the information. I thought what do I have to loose if I gave it a try. I still worked my full time job and found it very easy to fit in my day a year later I quit my full time job and now I am home with my two daughters 4yrs and 15 months old. I do Mary Kay part time and make enough money to contribute to the household income and raise my girls full time. Mary kay is about Faith, Family then Career. When they are a little older and in school I will pursue my Mary Kay Career. I would be happy to give you more information ifoyur interested email me [e-mail] I always tell people since I was so stubborn in the beginning just get the facts so you can make an educated decision and if it still is no then so be it. I didn't like the idea of recruiting for the longest time now I release there are other women like me that are looking for something like this maybe even praying for an answer.
Good Luck !!!

Answer 6

Childcare is not wrong. Staying home is not wrong. And unfortunately, some moms have no choice. I returned to work after my first child was born, but my husband and I decided I wouldn't after the 2nd. It meant a 50% cut in our family income - we made pretty much the same - not great $$ but OK - we didn't do much outside of paying the mortgage, etc. The intent was I would return to work after they were both in school full-time.

It's been 7 years and it involved cutting back big-time; incurring debt (had no choice - hubby didn't make enuf each month to pay all bills) - but now I'm back part-time and trying to catch up. Some would say it was foolish - but we personally felt that my being home was more important than trips abroad, etc., like many double-income families do. It has been hard getting back into the workforce as there is still a stigma when a woman chooses to stay home - big gap in the resume - but it's getting better. So far, I haven't had to use childcare, as I've been able to work around school, but that will likely change as I work more toward full-time.

Not knowing what you do for a living, can you work from home occasionally? Do flex time? Compressed work weeks? Start your own day care?

good luck!

Answer 7

I am a stay at home mom to 3 boys. My husband works and we do okay. I agree with you about daycare. I've had a couple of jobs since I had my boys, and they have all had to get tubes put in their ears because of the numerous ear infections and colds from daycare. Since I've been home with them, they're a lot healthier and happier.

I do understand that it would be hard for you to get by with one income. I've done a couple different things to make extra money while home with my boys. I answered the phone for a new company and did paperwork on my computer for them. Also, you can try selling stuff on ebay. Start with selling some of your children's old toys and clothes. Work your way up to electronics you don't use anymore, and then hit up yard sales and thrift stores for great deal. Have family and friends donate their unwanted items.

You don't even have to leave the house to ship your items, USPS will pick your packages up at your door.

Just a couple of ideas. But whatever you decide to do, good luck and hopefully your daughter will feel better soon.

Answer 8

You can do this!
We sold our home and found a smaller and more affordable one.

Opening a daycare of your own is an option.
You could work evenings and/or weekends when your husband is home to care for your child.
YMCAs or healthclubs often let you bring your child to work with you while you work in their childcare area (althought this won't solve the problem of picking up other kid's illnesses).
If you are comfortable with direct sales you could look into selling Tupperward, Mary Kay, Creative Memories, etc. The work would be evening and weekends.
Being a stay-at-home parent is a life style choice. You have plenty of options to make it work. It will be hard but it is the most rewarding thing you can to for you and your family.

Answer 9

Can you cut down to P/T somewhere? Or a night shift (not ever night) so that the baby doesn't have to be in daycare and you & your husband can take turns watching her?

And I know what you mean. I'm expecting my 2nd, just as my oldest is old enough to not need childcare. I'm kinda stuck. I want to stay home with the baby, but I don't think it's going to be like that for too long.

Answer 10

I have been fortunate enough to be a stay home mom for four years, since my daughter was born. Of course, I am also lucky that my husband makes enough by himself to support us. Granted, we have had tough times. We have had times when I had to turn to my family to get money for food, but thankfully that hasn't happened in YEARS. My husband is now self employed and works from a home office, so we're both able to be at the house and share time with our daughter. I did have a part time job for awhile to help out, though and now I do a few internet things to supplement some, mainly just my own spending money.

Good luck to you, though.