I need a little bit of help today people?

Question

Me and my husband got in to a big fight last night, my son is about 1 and he still every once in a while will wake in the middle of the night and want Momma so I will go in there with him, and change him, then put him back to bed sometime I will bring him back to bed with me.Well last night he was alseep at 830 and put him in bed to sleep,and he woke up so I left him in there to cry for a minute but it got louder and louder, My husband went in there and was yelling at him to be quiet, and stop that screaming, I went in there and was wanting to get my son and hold him maybe even just lay on the couch with him, but he would not let me get him out of the crib, well I wouldnt leave the room so he started to get really mad and was yelling at me to get out of here... so bad that he grabed my shirt threw me on the bed and was in my face yelling to listen to him..What should I do?? I hate the way that he is with my son My husband calls him a spolied mommmas boy, but he is not always like this.

Thank you for the answers for far... I dont think that we need counselliing its not that bad but he dont ever spend time with him. Just when he is crying the middle of the night, or when he plays with him thats all... he had the nerve to ask me last night What Kind of Mother are you if you just pick him up and bring him to bed with us that will give him his way...the rest of the time its ME and Talon thats all.. he just thinks that I spoil him so much that he dont even want to be around him.. what kind of dad is that??

ok, last night when I got off of work there was rose petals and a rose in my steering wheel and a note that was 8 pages long front and back telling me how sorry that he really was. I love him so much but I did make him understand that it happens again dont even try to come back to me becasue I will NOT accept you... So thank you every one for the help and the feed back..

Answer 1

All kids cause fights in a relationship. Sound familiar to me.
There's no excuse for throwing you around though.
We have 2 kids and have have similar problem and I assume it's the same for evryone.
From birth, kids have a mechanism to getting attention. They make a big racket. They get what they want. The cry and get fed, get attention etc etc. This pretty much stays with us forever execpt we learn to supress it.
There's nothing more tempting to tend to an upset child. If there's nothing wrong with the child mediaclly and he has been fed then the one reason he is crying/screaming is attention. The child is being unreasonable if attenion is the only reason he's balling. You go into the child he will be happy. He has learned that if he makes a noise when he is upset, he gets what he wants. If no-one comes he screams louder. When he gets older he'll come into your room.
Your husband is a guilty as you. If he goes in to scream at the child he's still getting attention one way or another.
The attention seeking will get worse, guaranteed. The only way you'll get a night sleep is if you nip it in the bud. He'll wake you up in the night scream and scream but will eventually shut up. It may take ages.
After a while he'll realise that, if he wakes up and feels lonely hell have to cuddle a toy and get himself back to sleep.
Obviously poke your head in to make sure he's OK but you can do it without giving him attention.
Your child is doing this to annoy you, get annoyed, he's won.
I think we all know what to do but doing it is the real test. Anyone who pretends that kids don't wind them up sometimes are complete liars.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can only imagine what it is like to go through this. I strongly advise you to take your son out of the house, at least while you think about how you are going to handle this situation - maybe stay at your parents, or a friend's house for a few days? It might be a good idea to have a talk with your husband, although from what you have said I wouldn't advise being there on your own - ask a neutral party to sit in while you two discuss your issues. If you are in any doubt about his aggression, do not go back into that house, or relationship. It might seem drastic, but you never know what could happen.

I'm very sorry again, I wish you all the best and I hope my advice helps in some way.

Jess

Answer 3

He's the kind of man that will end up hurting or killing your baby in a rage. He obviously has no patience and you don't want that around your baby. My son is 18 months old and he wakes up in the middle of the night and I comfort him, that doesn't mean that he's a mama's boy, babies are like that, they need that comfort. I would keep a close eye on your husband and let him know that it's not acceptable for him tot alk to you or your baby like that. Obviously he doesn't care because he yells at you the same way. Just please make sure not to leave the baby alone with him, even for a few minutes, he could lose his temper and god forbid hurt him. Good luck.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like your husband has serious issues. You say you don't need counseling but your husband needs something. This is a form of abuse. Your son is really still a baby and needs to know that you are there for him. I have a 1 yo and she does the same thing I let her cry for about 15Min's b4 I go check on her but I don't put her in our bed. I would say let your son crying a little b4 running to check on him. but just because you care and don't want him upset doesn't mean you are spoiling him or raising a mommas boy. If your husband wants to make sure he doesn't become a mommas boy he needs to show more interest and spend more time with him.

Answer 5

Oh no, that's really awful for you !!! I think you're husband is the one who is the spoiled momma's boy, what a meany !! I hope your little boy settled o.k. after that ?? I also hope you slept with you beautifull baby in preference to your naughty brat boy/husband??? You know, even though I love my hubby sooooo much, he has moments revoltingly like the one you just relayed............... why do we stand for it ??? I think it's because we are the nurturers and they are the hunter/gatherers...... you know, before you get married to your man, he's still got his mummy doing every little thang for him and most of them tend to bring that attitude into the marriage with them !!! Ummmmm, rude shock boys !!! We not your mamma's !!! On the other hand we are born to nuture, we are taught and led to nuture, it comes so easily. Know what I do?? Even tho he's 6'2" and 200 lbs and I'm only 5'9" 145 lbs I treat him like the naughty little brat that he is. I simply turn on him and yell at him to COOL IT you bloody fool, you're scaring the baby. Then I tell him to shut his filthy mouth (more often than not they can't refrain from using countless profanities!!) or I'll stick so much soap down his throat that he'll be coughing up bubbles next Christmas !! He hates it, but short of belting me, wot can he do but storm off in a huff !! If he gives me lip back I simply snap at him to just zip it buddy, if I wanted his opinion I'd give it to him !! I think he takes this bossy stuff from me cos that's how his mamma would have dealt with him when he was a boy. Lets face it, no man is really emotionally mature anyways, are they.......... Just treat em like the naughty brats they are !!!

You go tell your man, in the crossest voice you can muster, that next time he feels like terrorising the baby DON'T. Tell him this is time to be a big person mate, not a little girly. If he wants to throw tantys like a little girly maybe he should go down the road to the pre-school where he'll be in good company. That's right, embarrass him into submission, works every time. Just make sure you say your piece and turn on your heel and storm off !!


GOOD LUCK AND GOOD HEALTH TO YOU


PEACE


.......... :0)

Answer 6

I feel like you should WOMAN up and let him (your husband) know that you understand where he's coming from as far as if you continue to come to your child whenever he calls he could get really use to it and use it to his advantage, but you are a MOTHER first and it's your job to want to protect your child and he had absolutely no right to react in the manner he did. I would not tolerate that behavior from my husband under any circumstances.

Answer 7

No offense meant, but your husband needs therapy. He has issues he needs to deal with stemming from either early childhood or adolescence. Please see if you can find some kind of counseling for the sake of your family and the sake of you marriage. It takes a stronger person to admit they need help and get the help than to turn a blind eye to the problem. Good luck and take care.

Answer 8

I'm proud of u 4 being such a good mother.Since u said that it was not all the time that your child was such,its perfectly find.But, i guss your hubby here, wants his child 2 be strong, bold and independent from this young age.(father's boy not mammas boy).Don't misunderstood your husband.I guss his father might have behaved in such a way when he was young or it was because of a particular event that occurred.

Answer 9

well sweetie it sounds as if you guys need to seek consoling, a patteren may be starting or has already starteg here,and you should never let him treat you this way nor your son.He has already put his hands on you so it's not the 1st nor is it the last time.I hope it all works out for you and your son best wishes

Answer 10

Talon, it seems that your husband has a violent temper. I can sympathise with you when you feel that you fear for your son. I'm thinking that your son may not be that safe alone with your husband.