a girl of 20 from canada, i built up a loving relashionship with her..im 29, and feel an emptiness and despair and abandonment thats so great right now. i live a lonely, self absorbed isolated life in a small flat. im waiting to be assesed for therapy. a psychiatrist has already recentley diagnosed me as borderline personality disorder. i truly felt an attachment to this girl, i loved her, and wed fallen out so many times, but she always came back to me..but it dosnt appear she will this time...ive ruined it with my insecurities about her, and possesivness, and clingyness. ive ruined what we had. the connection i was making, through suking and not trusting her, getting upset with her about stating she was ' single' on myspace, about talking about her being hugged off other guys, in myspace bulletins. she said they were only friends. but i didnt believe her...ive known her two years on the net & formed a closness to her. theirs an open, massive wound in my heart that wont heal..
2007-03-06 22:25:22 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
the only thing thats stopping me from slaying myself is the intense fear of the unknown after death...my life has become a living nightmare. only im not able to wake up
2007-03-06 22:26:57 · update #1
the song ' nights in white satin' is playing and the despair i feel and emptiness is unreal..my heart is filled with, coldness, darkness, emptiness, and an icyness and it feels itll last forever
2007-03-06 22:40:18 · update #2
The cliche that "time heals all wounds" is very true and will also be true for you in this situation... however, I'm glad you are seeking help from a therapist because you'll need to work on your own issues before you can ever hope to have a successful relationship. Let your self feel the anger, pain and sorrow for the loss of this relationship, but learn how to heal and move on, dwelling in self pity will only make you feel worse in the long run...once you deal w/your own "poop" you'll be a better man for it!
2007-03-06 22:35:03 · answer #1 · answered by i_love_my_mp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will sound dismal, but if you're actually borderline you better get used to this. One of the biggest features of BPD is rapidly forming irrationally obsessive attachments. Abandonment issues are very common as well.
I would definitely suggest you try to get out more. Staying distracted can be a helpful way to cope with many things. For most people I'd suggest meeting new people, but due to the BPD you'd have to be much more careful about this; you don't want to get back into the cycle [and the subjects of your fixations wouldn't be very happy about it either]. If you can get into therapy, it would be tremendously helpful for you. Try to find a therapist with experience with BPD [though most won't take more than one borderline patient at a time because they're extremely difficult and high-maintenance]. They'll help you sort out what you're going through and teach you to form normal relationships with other people so you can start realising they exist beyond how you perceive and interact with them, and stop trying to manipulate them continually.
NOTE: I know some of what I've said makes it sound like I'm judging you, but since you disclosed the BPD diagnosis I'm making the assumption that you exhibit the most common major symptoms of the disorder.
2007-03-06 22:45:44 · answer #2 · answered by melis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I assume that you have physically seen & been with her right? & that you arent talking about a cyber relationship? If so then maybe you should consider that if she knew that her profile showed her as single instead of involved in a relationship & it was upsetting you, why didnt she just change it? So maybe you still can have some dignity in knowing that its not all your fault. I mean its not like she was looking out for your best interests. Then, also I must say that at least you aren't in denial about your feelings of pain, sorrw & guilt. Embrace them & face up to them & the struggle will soon be over. You are young & these things happen. Death is no option.. its a cowards way out.. & if its worth anythin.. theres no good place after death for those who take their own lives.
For now.. you need to stay away from her as much as possible. Confrontation seems to me like a bad idea as she doesnt want to see you & it will make things worse. Get your councelling/ therapy & take further advice from there.
Good luck.
Claude
2007-03-06 22:38:42 · answer #3 · answered by Claude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first suggestion is to seek professional help. That doesn't mean you will need it forever, but it can be helpful in the short term -- to get you over this hump. I have been where you are, believe me. Unfournately, the saying that time heals all wounds is true. You may never stop loving her but someday you'll be able to look back on it will fond memories without it causing such extreme pain. Good luck!
2007-03-06 22:41:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that you are going to get therapy, but you must do something for yourself. That's what the therapist will encourage. Even if it's going for a walk, or a swim, something you enjoy. You need something else to occupy your mind. Get a pet, do something. The worse you can do is keep mulling this over and over again.
Try yoga breathing techniques to calm your mind, a session of reiki is good too, anything to help you calm down.
Its normal to be hurt, and time will ease the situation
2007-03-06 22:39:54 · answer #5 · answered by bee bee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this girl will always be in your heart. but that doesn't mean you won't find a "new love". just give your heart time to heal, it may not feel possible now but it will slowly heal. use this experience to learn and remember the lessons when you find a new relationship. therapy can help with the healing. just like any other wound - a doctor can help. i have had to have a doctor get me thru a break-up they can help
2007-03-06 22:39:58 · answer #6 · answered by trishlws 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do need some help to deal with your insecurities knowone will put up with being questioned all of the time. Chat to other girls on line as friends and do not get so involved thinking that you own them, hope you will soon be feeling better, plenty of people will chat to you on this site so stay around and chat to us.
2007-03-06 23:55:04 · answer #7 · answered by Kirks Folley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You WILL get over it. Each week will get better. Time heals. You need to love yourself first to be able to move on. Try to go out and meet new people. Do anything that helps you forget (even if it's for 5 minutes!)Good Luck!
2007-03-06 22:52:20 · answer #8 · answered by Duran Duranfan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know its a cliche but time does heal, i've been there as a lot of people have too. the pain will subside i promise. try not to isolate yourself to much, get yaself out there, see ya mates, eat the biggest indian take away in the world. it will get better you'll see and looking on the positive side, wonder who is Mrs next. it worked for me. go easy on yaself my love X
2007-03-06 22:41:45 · answer #9 · answered by oldybutgoody 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out more and start caring for others as we care for others we become happier, stop waiting to be given and give and people will like you all the more as we make others happy we become happier and you will will someone in the future. stop concentrating on her and thnking only she can make you happy, you are depending on her too much to make you feel good and that is too much for anyone. work on you we can only change ourselves not anyone else all the best
2007-03-07 04:32:46 · answer #10 · answered by denny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋