My boyfriend and his ex?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months & are happy, we're going to move in together soon.
One problem we have had throughout our relationship though is his needy ex - I let him get on with it at first (ie carry on texting her) and didnt see a problem but one day i read those texts and he was being very full on with her and hadn't even mentioned me at all, he told me it was to make her feel better but i didn't like it so after about 2 months of this happening I just put a stop to it I said that I feel really uncomfortable about the whole thing and he stood by me and stopped it. Although that's what he let me think - he carried on and we had a huge argument, almost broke up and then he told me that he'd rather have me in his life than her, so he deleted her from everything his mobile and msn - this was at christmas time (I was there to witness it) and I've just gone to check his emails for him n guess what she's back on there. I am heartbroken i don't no what he wants.

Why does she make me feel so threatened? I've been told that she is overweight and doesn't take care of her appearance (and have seen pictures to prove this) not that its a big deal or anything and I know that there is nothing sexual at all between them because of the way he talked about her in the past. I just think that she is very needy but I don't understand why she must rely on my boyfriend so much to be a friend to her. She must understand how horrible this would be for me as his current partner but it doesn't stop her.

Answer 1

You must be so hurt. It sounds like he is just as needy of her as she is him. The only person who can tell you what he wants his him, so you need to confront him and tell him that he is hurting you.

You might just have to trust him and accept that it will run it's course I am afraid. Providing you don't read anything that is incriminating, I suspect they are just holding on as friends. We all have a past after all.

Answer 2

I feel so sorry for you. But now you know. You have
given him chances and he is taking the P***.
What a feeble excuse when you say he is being full on with
her and he says he is just doing it to make her feel better.
So - he stopped it - just for a while to keep you off their scent.
Now you find she is back on the scene sending e-mails.
AGAIN he is being dishonest with you. What will the excuse
be this time I wonder.
Please - dump him and tell him that they are both welcome
to each other. Why not send her an e-mail yourself
telling her exactly what you think of the both of them and
that you are not being taken for a fool any longer.
You will never trust him - he has broken that - twice.
Move on. This was a similar experience to my own.
Yes just because its txts and e-mails they can kid themselves
that they are not cheating. BUT how long before it gets
physical? If not already.
Sorry I sound harsh - but I KNOW how you feel.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

One of the most important things in a relationship to me is TRUST. Without that, it is worth nothing. Trust means always telling the truth and being reliable. To always fulfill any obligations that you commit to. Even if the person does not like the answer, tell the truth. I don't have a problem if a girlfriend does something I don't really approve of, coz we are all human. I am not here to try and make some one else perfect when I am not perfect myself. As long as that person tells the truth I can deal with it. You need to make up your mind if this is what you need. Hope you work something out.

Answer 4

Maybe you should disappear for a while. You do not have to split up, but try to go on a trip, or tell him that you need to be alone for a while, without making it a big deal. He will be left alone and he will surely miss you. When he comes back to you, he will be more sure about his feelings. And you will tell him to stop any contacts with the ex, who should get her own life.

Answer 5

You also need to witness
him ringing her up and telling her
listen although we are good friends
i am happy in my current relationship
and i do not want anything to come between that
so i think it will be best if we do not have any contact
because it could ruin my relationship.
Ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot
and you was still in contact with your ex txing and emailing you all the time
i dont think he would like it.
Tell him straight out
you dont like it
and you want it to STOP.........Now!

Answer 6

You love him very much, then you should stay on longer till if its has a end...... If not, just broke up with him, a guys who don't know to keep a promise was not reliable...... After all, you will just keep on heart break until you have fully despair on this relation, broke up before that might be good for still carrying the memories with happy but not angry....... But if you love him too much.... Hust stand till the end to see what's his decision.... Honours??? Respective???

Answer 7

I think he is playing both of you. You have made it clear more than once that you want this to stop. Tell him very firmly that you have come to the end of your tether. Insist that he texts her there and then in front of you telling her to leave him alone or you will end the relationship. If he won't forget him and find yourself a man who will be there for you 100%. good luck x x

Answer 8

He was her friend before he was your lover. As long as you're sure that there's nothing sexual between them then what is your problem??? If you are SO insecure that you can't even cope with your bloke having female friends then you obviously have major trust issues which you need to deal with, don't take it out on him, or her, or you could end up loosing your boyf over this, cos he'll get fed up having to explain himself every time.

Answer 9

You really need to put yourself first and NOT make excuses for this appalling behaviour on his part.

The question is not his excuses or reasons it is HOW YOU FEEL.

If you feel threatened then you should act on it. You need to drop him straight away - he has gone behind your back on TWO occasions - this is proven track record of bad behaviour. Do not tolerate it or you will become bound by it.

Get rid of him.

And one last thing - it makes no difference whether she is 'fat' or anything like that it is the feeling he carries for her that is the overriding concern.

Good luck.

Answer 10

I'd be kickin his **** right now no way would i let my bloke be textin his ex to make her feel better i had the same problem with this girl who wouldnt leave my bf alone wen we first got together but i sed its me or her and he told her to get lost we had a few problems with her threatenin to kill herself if he didnt txt bk but he kept his promise to me and never got in contact with her, he's breakin promises to u behind ur bk i would of had a baseball bat to his head by now....i no u love him but he cant keep doin this to u its not fair either tell him enough is enough and get on of the relationship or tell him to stop but still have that thought of is he goin behind my bk again....I no its not sexual but its wrong!