How should I act when I meet my ex?

Question

I will shortly be meeting my ex for a drink. She ended things 1 mth ago after going out 9 mths on the basis her feelings had changed. This coincided with her suffering from depression. She also suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

She raised the issue of us splitting and I said to her I thought she was depressed (she has a history). She admitted she was & went to the dr who prescribed prozac and counselling. 1 wk later she said she wasn't depressed, didn't need counselling and it was our relationship causing her unhapiness. We broke up.

I didn't contact her to give her space. She contacted me recently on the basis she owed me money. I said to not worry about that. She then said she had a dvd of mine which she could bring round if I wanted. I wasn't sure what to make of her contact.

I decided to ring her to chat. We have now agreed to meet. I am not sure what her intentions are??

I do miss her & want to be with her but am not sure how to go about it witout scaring her off?

Answer 1

just try and be friendly, but not too friendly

Answer 2

You did the right thing when you didn't contact her, well done, you should be so proud of yourself because that must ahve been really hard.
Well, she obviously wanted to see you didn't she? If it wasn't the money it was the dvd, and all of a sudden here you are going out for a drink with her when did you really want to? She is a manipulater and needs to learn to live alone before she is with someone else. I remember some of your other questions on this subject and I always feel like she runs rings around you emotionally and uses depression as an excuse to treat you a bit nasty sometimes. Hey, I may well be wrong!
I think in my opinion, you are better off without this girl. She obviously just wanted you to beg for her back, that's why she eneded it, because if her feelings really had changed, she would be more than happy you haven't called, but his time you aren't playing the stupid games and she doesn't like it. My advice is be friends if you want to, but not yet, and quite frankly, I would run fast in the other direction.

Answer 3

Hi,

Well first you have to be really sure you want to go out with her again? Is it because you love her or just because you miss her after spending 9 months with her?

Nobody can answer this questions but you.
But be aware that if she has a tendancy towards depression she can make you really unhappy. You probably think you can help her but unfortunatelly you cant. She has to deal with this herself. I do not think she was unhappy because of the relationship she was probably unhappy before meeting you. But depressed people need to find a reason for their depression when most of the time the reason is inside them.

I am sure it will be panifull for you to see her, but I am almost certain you should leave her to deal with her own issues and try to meet someone more optimistic, you will do yourself a favour.

By the way, I suffered from depression for a long time so I know she will be better left alone! the best you can do is maybe be her friend...

Answer 4

I think she is the one who has to make the decision about being with you again because she was the one who mentioned that the relationship you both had caused her to become depressed. I also think she should continue counseling because she is just hiding her problems when she dropped out. There is something that made her stress out, whether it was you or the way she felt about something in the relationship. I wouldn't even consider making a commitment on the first visit. If the situation comes up, tell her you want to remain friends and that's all. Give her the freedom to continue to work out her problems. Advise her not to give up on her counseling because avoiding a problem will make it worst as time goes on. Just be there for her, don't commit to anything serious (yet), and stay relaxed. Don't do anything to pressure her or yourself because the stress may return and you'll experience the same cycle as before.

Answer 5

Your assumptions might be true, maybe she did need her space. She might have been feeling unsure of herself and needed time alone. In that case, you should care about how she is doing and good stuff like that.

But, if she has had another boyfriend since your separation, then that's a different story. She probably realized what she had lost, and might be trying to crawl back to you. Ask her if she has gone out with anyone.

Dates are reasonable, because she might have thought at some point that she was well enough to go on a date or two, but if she was in a relationship, that's different.

Answer 6

Dude, stay away from the crazy biotch!!! If she's been diagnosed with depression (prozac), things will never change. Take this from someone who dedicated 12 years to a relationship, thinking that things would get better. Things never get better with this type of person. If she stays on the prozac, she'll have no sex drive, if she's off of the prozac your life will be miserable till she's back on it.

You keep fvcking with her, and you may end up trapped with a kid, and a woman that's not right. Don't do it!!!!

Consider yourself lucky to have gotten rid of her...STAY AWAY!!!

Remember this answer for the rest of your life. Stay away, good ridance. Don't even meet her for a drink.

Trust me on this one...it took me 12 years of thinking that things would get better. I loved the woman and saw some great qualities in her, but none of it made a difference.

Answer 7

u need to remember that prozac is a very strong drug and it will afffect her moods and she wont really know whats going on, she may have started taking it and not told you.

i'd say now that she is making any excuse she can because she wants to speak to you and she probably wants to test the water just as you do and see how you feel. just make sure you're honest with your feelings, and i really dont think you'll scare her off. you've got to tell her how u feel otherwise you'll regret it, maybe at the end of the night see how things have gone and if ur getting in just tell her that u miss being close like that...

it'll work itself out.

Answer 8

Be matter of fact, friendly and do not put any pressure on her. If she wants to get back with you she will make it very plain by her speech and body language. Take it slowly as she may not come right out and ask at this first meeting but could suggest another meeting. Don`t forget she will be exploring her own feelings for you. I hope everything goes Ok and you get what you want.

Answer 9

This has continually been a difficult one for me too. I oftentimes merely act particularly cordially at the same time as at the same time having as little interplay as conceivable. it truly is probable an risky course to take, although. the most suitable ingredient to do is probable to the contact the ex before and talk the arriving experience and agree on some variety of code of habit coverage for each of you. no longer thoroughly positive if it truly is a robust concept as i have by no potential tried it yet actual that is extra useful than ignoring/being chilly in the route of him.

Answer 10

You seem like a really sweet guy but you need to look after yourself too. You've probably got questions you want answering which I really think you should ask her but if you're worried of pushing her away you can ask her gentley. Listen to what she has to say and be sure in your own mind that she won't push you away again in the near future. Tell her you'll be there for her but she needs to be 100% open and honest with you otherwise you won't be able to move forward.

Good luck to you. I hope it goes well.

Answer 11

Hi there. A family member of mine has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and they do get quiet confused with this illness just be friendly and take it really slow and see how it goes. People with this illness can blow hot and cold but its not their fault so see how you feel after meeting her again. Good Luck.