Ok, so I wrote this poem and I know its not too good. So, I was wondering what I could do to fix it, I know some of the lines are a little too long but I dont really know how I can fix it and still get my point across. Any serious suggestions would be really appreciated..so here it is.
"You Dont Know Me Still"
You think you know me?...
I'm not the girl I used to be.
Sometimes I still may cry.
But I'll never believe you again,
Cause I know you'll just lie.
Sometimes I may still get lonely.
But you'll never again get love from me,
My love for you now is just a memory.
And I used to think I'd always miss you.
But now I know I can make it through.
So what do you guys think?, and please be nice. Thanks:)
2007-03-06 18:43:07 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hey
Your poems says alot! I could feel what ur coming from here! its like getting to know you but in a poem that you wrote! This has a secret desciption of what you are and trying to let the world understand ,which is you !:)
Sweetie from my experience in writting poetry let me say that your poem has touched me in a way that im getting to understand how you feel and the person thats you.
Please I would like to see more of ur poems so email me ok ! anabell_bandini@yahoo.com
2007-03-06 18:57:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I miss a bit of metre (how to write that?) in your poem, but I am a sucker for anything that "flows"
suggestions on a poem were needed
there were a lot of people who heeded
the poets call
they gave her all
and knew they had somehow succeeded
(this just a very fast created example of metre and rythem)
You think you still know me
For who am I now?
the tears will still be
but the trust holds no vow
You will tell me lies
And leave me alone
my love for you dies
mem'ry like stone
I never thought I'd be free of you
but now I know I will make it through....
I have taken some liberty with your poem and the meaning of it and have totally used my own way of writing to try and make it more fluent. I think the meaning of yr poem is wonderful, and I think you only need to learn how to make them flow better. Also this is not the only way to make poetry. there are a lot of other ways too. You can read other poetry to find the style you like and learn from it.
Hope you keep it up!
greetz,
fb31w.
2007-03-07 03:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by freebird31wizard 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone who writes poetry has to be a good person in my book. I read your poem and I find it quite touching in a wistful sort of way. Hang on to it and keep it. Years from now get it out and read again. We get hurt, but remember: Time wounds all heels.
2007-03-07 02:50:00 · answer #3 · answered by bigjohn B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"You Still Don't Know Me"
You think you know me well
You think there's nothing to tell.
I'm not what I used to be,
It's the end of our story.
Me and you are just memory,
Nothing more to history.
Sometimes I still may cry,
But I know you'll just lie.
Sometimes it gets lonely,
But there's no love from me.
Never believe you again,
My life, my love regained!
Thot I will miss you dearly,
Nay, I will make it easily!
2007-03-07 03:12:39 · answer #4 · answered by amn1717 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well its a wonder ful poem......do you have more like this??? and yes you write really well and true.....but getting over isnt at all simple, so can u write another poem on a heart break where d gal is not able to 4get her ex (1st bf)???
2007-03-07 02:57:38 · answer #5 · answered by cuteromeshelly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋