How do you break up with someone that's your best friend, after all that you've been through together?

Question

Ive been together w/someone for a long time, & I love him dearly.
He's my best friend and confidant and I can't imagine my life without him.

However, in the last year, our relationship has deteriorated.

i'm a recovering bulimic and drunk. and he's a good natured mama's boy, who hides under a tough macho exterior.

It was all very sweet in the first year, up until he tried to control me. Naturally I rebelled & tried to break up with him but he'd insisted he'd change. he didn't.

Months later i met a cute guy at a cafe. he made me feel beautiful and intelligent. & before you know it, we were making love.

Boyfriend knew something was going on, but he refused to break up because he considered me his "soul mate'.

peace for some time, until boyfriend calls enraged after going thru my emails.

I feel sick and guilty. I need space. I hate feeling like I have no control. Bulimia returns. I just want to be alone. he wants to be with me all the time. I'm isolated. so empty no friends

Answer 1

Well that is a fine mess you are in. You need to take responsibility for your actions as well as stand up for your position where it warrants it. Your 'boyfriend' has no right to control you. Bulimia has help centers, get to one and stick with the program. You should never cheat. Break up before getting into another relationship. It is your lack of self respect and self image that causes such spineless behavior. ( sorry if I sound cold, but I am laying it on the line). You have to stand your ground in breaking up. Obviously it is not to be. Trying to stay friends is good, but in your position I would recommend leave, and try to renew friendship later. Counselling is required. Especially with the bulemia.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are going through A LOT, both physically and emotionally. I'm sorry you are suffering through all this guilt and sadness.

It would really be beneficial to talk to a counselor/therapist about this. It would definitely help ease some of this pain your are experiencing. Do you attend school or a university? You are allowed to attend free sessions there with a psychological counselor. How about insurance? Do you have insurance? Get a counselor there. Look up help for bulimics and eating disorders online. It sounds like your problems are becoming urgent, and help is urgently needed.

Good luck. And help yourself with kindness. I know you've made some mistakes and feel tremendously guilty for them. That is what sometimes happens when you are undergoing so much pain - you end up hurting somebody else as well as yourself in the process. Before this goes any further, call somebody to talk to. A professional. Many people feel out of control. It will help you gain back control of your feelings and your life.

Answer 3

There is so much going on here, bulimia, alcoholism, control, cheating that you really need professional help. You may be able to find some inexpensive help. Look around, I think you are in some trouble, perhaps dangerous. Good Luck

Answer 4

Whether or not you want to admit this or not, your boyfriend is your best solution to the problems you face. He knows you, he understands you and he is trying to help.
What entices you about the new guy is that he doent know you, he isnt really helping you by telling you what you WANT to hear, and he is screwing you, which any man can do.
Any man can tell you want you want to hear, only soulmates will tell you what you DONT want to hear.
Pickup lines in bars were designed to make women blush because its full of stuff they love. Your boyfriend is risking your relationship with him to HELP you by telling you things you DO NOT want to hear. Guys hate drama, and only a great guy will do something to create drama in order to help his loved one.
This is so dear to my heart because I was in your boyfriends shoes. I was married to my ex for 18 years. I was the mamas boy, she was the girl who was raised under strict parenting, and tried to rebel when she got older while we were married. I told her NO alot, I was her voice of reason, but she didnt like it. She compared me to her FATHER....which was another voice of reason. Neither one us, me or her dad wanted bad things for her, we saw her faults, and we sought to correct them. She didnt like being around people who knew her. She cheated on me, played all kinds of games, but I hung on until she left me, took my kids and divorced. 2 years later, by living the lifestyle she wanted, by being around the guy that made her feel good, she was dead. Killed on the back of a motorcycle driven by her boyfriend....the free spirit kind of guy that appealed to her. Today, I stand here with two kids that have no mother because she was too concerned about being a free spirit instead of being a wife and mother. I hurt alot when she left me, I hurt even more when I found out she had been with this guy for a very long time while I worked to support us all, but I hurt the WORST when she was killed and our kids lost their mother. I felt like I failed. I didnt do enough to talk some sense into her.
Forget the guy at the bar, live a longer and happier life with the guy who is truly your soulmate. He is willing to go the ends of the earth for you......you just cant see it because you are blinded by your own ambitions, ...which truly, hon....will lead you nowhere.
I put up a slideshow on Youtube which shows my life with my Ex....you should watch it, put yourself in her shoes, and in mine and see what you think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUxAXzH_sB0
Good luck. God be with you.
I have answered alot of questions tonight, but yours is the most important one I took on. I truly hope I make a difference.

Answer 5

looks to me like you are the one.you just want out to be with the other.he may dump you to. stay with the one you love. your heart will tell you