what is the best joke you ever heard?

Answer 1

On his trip to Great Britain, George Bush had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. He asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"
"That`s easy," she replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" he inquired.
"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."

When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child ?"
Blair replied, "That`s easy. The child was me."
"Very good," said the Queen, "You may go, now."

So President Bush went back to Washington and called in his chief of staff, Karl Rove. He said to him,
"I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. Your parents had a child and it was not your > > sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"
Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer, as no child must be left behind. Can I deliberate on this for a while?"
"Yes," said Bush, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."

So Rove went and called a meeting of the White House Staff, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. So he was quite upset, not knowing what he would tell the President.
As Rove was walking back to the Oval Office, he saw former Secretary of State Colin Powell approaching him. So he said,
"Mr. Secretary, can you answer this riddle for me. Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"
"That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me."

"Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!" So Rove went in to the Oval Office and said to President Bush,
"I think I know the answer to your riddle.
The child was Colin Powell!"

"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush,

"The child was Tony Blair!"



After I put this.. i change my mind.. iono I heard a lot of ones..

here's another that a lotta ppl heard
There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."

The king then explains the trial to him-you have to shove the fruits up your *** without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.

The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.

The second guy arrives with ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...but on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

Answer 2

My mother taught me to read, & I was just three. (Her 1st mistake!). One day, when I was in the restroom & noticed that a cabinet door was unable to completely close. With the opened cabinet door, I read the box, that was inside and I saw 'napkins'.
After leaving the restroom, I asked "Mother, why are you keeping napkins, in the restroom? Don't they belong in the kitchen?" Mother didn't want to worry me about unnecessary facts. She answered; "They were just for Extra-Special Occasions".
Nine months later, it was November and Thanksgiving holiday were approaching. My parents had just left the house, to pick up & bring the pastor and his wife over, for an early Thanksgiving meal. While they were gone, mother had a chore for my sister, brother & myself. Being seven, I was ordered to just set the table and silverware.
As soon as the car come in, the pastor, came in first, to hug my brother, sister & then me. I had just completed my table chore & the pastor immediately started laughing loud and hard! His wife came in second. she atfirst gasped, then she began laughing, just like her husband, almost. Third that come in was my dad. He quickly erupted with a thunderous hysterical & continious laugh! Then, mother come in, to see what all the laughter was coming from. She was shocked (atleast strongly stunned with embarrassment)! when she saw how I set the table, by each plate, with a fork placed on top of them and across the middle, I gently placed an "extra-special napkin"! I had even tucked each little tail in, so that they would not hang off the edge!!! (Plus, I remembered them and they were easier to reach)!
My mother asked me why they were used and my answer, back to her was I repeated what she and I said earlier, in the year, you told me "That they were for just extra-special occasions". After I asked why they were in the restroom. "Didn't you tell me earlier, this year, that they were for extra-special occasions?" Plus, I told her that they were quickest to reach. Then she began laughing, along with the three others! Before it was realized, all four were laughing hard, loud and continiously! I then started to worry! I thought they were unable to catch their breath & breath normally! Fortunately, they were! And the next hour we had a "delayed Thanksgiving dinner".
Take time to laugh; it's the music of the soul.
Please pass this to girlfriends -
We are God's blessed miracles.

Answer 3

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the
f----ing potatoes!!!!"

(-----well i thought it was funny)

Answer 4

every joke is best to me.

Answer 5

why the girl fall of the swing
she had no arms

Answer 6

it depends... do you care about anti-semetic jokes?

Answer 7

um...
that depends on how dirty it can be...
;)