My fiance and I got custody of his 3- year old son back in july. We have not had many problems with him other than the normal 3-yr old behavior. After returning home from a weekend at his mothers house he has become very short tempered, hateful, (mainly towards me) and angry. His dad works overnites and he has started saying, " I don't like staying with you " and crying. He has been rolling his eyes, laughing and ignoring me when I tell him to, pick up his toys, or any other thing I ask of him. This evening his dad played the sad card saying that I was sad that he wasn't being "nice" and he said he didn't care that I was sad. Then when asked if he would care if daddy was sad he said yes and then gave his daddy a hug. (I wasn't around when this was done). Then my mom played the same card and he said the same thing to her but in front of me. He also told her that he wouldn't care if she was sad either. I'm just lost and don't know what to do, and advice would help ALOT! Thanks.....
2007-03-06 16:37:26 · 7 answers · asked by Heather H 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i think it is an age thing. My daughter started doing that to her step-dad at around that age. She loves him very much but she would be angry with him for nothing. even when she should be mad at me she would take it out on him and be nice to me. this would happen after she would talk to her biological father on the phone. Unfortunately I don't really know a solution. Counseling for the child and the family might help. When the child acts like that don't show any emotion just say "thanks for letting me know how you feel" and leave the room if you need to and it's possible. Also don't "go easier" on the child as a way to get on his good side. It won't help and it may make it worse. Just stick to your regular rules and routine. I am sorry that you have to go through that just don't take it personally. At that age it's hard for a child to fully grasp what is going on and how to deal with their emotions.
love and logic has good ideas on how to handle these situations. check your local library for a book or visit the website.
2007-03-06 19:06:19 · answer #1 · answered by wsperingwasp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suspect that his mother is so unhappy with the situation that she has been speaking of the situation in his presence. If you have a good enough relationship with his birth mom. I would recommend you speak to her about how confused your little boy is, and how worried you are about him. If you cannot work with her around this issue, you may need to be very open with him about how sometimes he might feel like he needs to be mean to you so that he can show how much he loves his mom. you know how much he loves her, and you want him to know that he can love her, and keep her special, and still love you and his dad. Being a step mom is hard, and it is especially hard to figure out if what he is going through is just obnoxious 3 year old behaviour or something more. I hope you get through this!
2007-03-07 00:52:11 · answer #2 · answered by mliz55 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom and ex-stepdad married when I was about 5 and his son was 3. His son didn't live with us but they shared custody. He was at our house one day in the middle of the week and on the weekends. He treated my mom the same way that your stepson is treating you. His mom would tell him all kinds of mean things about my mom, for example that she stole his dad away from them (even though they were already split up when my mom met his dad). My mom would make him cookies and send home with him and she would trash them and tell him that they were poisoned. I have also seem similiar behavior in situations with other split families. More than likely she is filling his head full of lies about you and making him hate you. She probably told him that it's your fault he doesn't live with her anymore. Just be patient and perhaps get him some counselling. It took years to get my stepbrother over his hate for my mom.
2007-03-07 00:45:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the adult here. He is entitled to his feelings and if you smother him with love and neverm, I mean never talk bad about his mother, eventually he will come around. I know that your feelings are hurt but you need to get over it and continue to love, nurture and provide stability for your step-son. It sounds like you are expecting him to act rationalize and think like an adult. Remember he is only a child and is looking for a reaction. And whether or not you like it getting one, and getting reinforced with the negative responses. Buck up and be the adult. It is hard.
Stay the course. - Step parent of seven years.
2007-03-07 00:53:17 · answer #4 · answered by need advice 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's so little and he probably is just upset. My parents divorced when I was 6 months old, so I was never used to seeing them together. This little guy, however, IS used to his parents being together and is taking his feelings out on you. Why? Because. You're his stepmom, and he wants his real mom. Don't take it personally, sweetie. Keep on parenting him, be firm and don't let his crappy attitude get you down! You're an amazing person for raising someone else's child. He'll adjust in time.
2007-03-07 11:29:18 · answer #5 · answered by Pri 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hold onto your britches. life is about to go for a ride. I had a similar situation...its called "honeymoon period" ...for me it was first year was fab....child learned to wipe herself, eat without shoveling and using hands....learned to bathe..etc....then as soon as her mom came back into the pic....horrible horrible things happened. her behavior became out of control, violent, harmful to everyone involved. went thru counseling and every possible thing to help. finally had to give child back for self-preservation. dont feel guilty because I did everythign within my power.
this is how I see your situation
if you have the dad on your side to co-parent...fab! if he STAYS on your side....even better. fat chance! he will begin to sway to the child because he coulnt 'save " him during the first 3 yrs of his life. now he has to "make up for" the trauma he suffered and continues to suffer because he couldnt do enough or didnt do enough to help before.
if he wont co-parent consistently and back you up - run
2007-03-07 01:14:25 · answer #6 · answered by tryinthis2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shows why you should pray to Jesus, be a Christian and not get divorced in the first place.
I feel sorry for the kid
2007-03-07 01:15:55 · answer #7 · answered by Dave ! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋