My dad, who I never knew, died a few days ago and I barely found out today that he did.
I'm a foster kid and my mom died when I was 5. It was hard, but I was 5 and really didn't understand.
I never knew my dad, I met him like 2 times when I was 3 (fyi that was 12 years ago!). I didn't know him, all I knew was that his named was Jason P. Scott and he was black and I look like him.
What I wanna ask is, should I be sad? I mean, he was my dad ( I have a father figure in my life whom I call dad). I feel that I should be sad, but should I really? Should I cry (did a little) feel sad? happy?
Thing that sucks is that I was told by Department of Child Support Services of Santa Clara (they were trying to find him so he could pay child support) and the letter said:
THE NON CUSTODIAL PARENT HAS DIED.....blah blah blah...and when I read it...my heart skipped a beat. He's dead....
2007-03-06 16:32:11 · 8 answers · asked by The_Resa 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Of course you will feel sad, he was your father. You have the same blood running through you. I would not expect you to feel a great loss as you hardly knew him.
2007-03-06 17:10:35 · answer #1 · answered by debk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, social services, from what I have seen, just does their job. There are so many children in the system that I think they get hard after awhile. Not to say they are right, but they just can't let themselves get emotionally involved. I am sorry though how you were told.
You should only be sad if you feel sad. I think you are sad for the loss of the father you didn't have. You loved the idea that he was out there somewhere.
Your mom died when you were so young. How tragic. I don't know why he left you but if you know why, it might help you understand your conflicting feelings now.
Are you still in the system or were you adopted. Good foster parents and adoptive parents are the ones that loved you, raised you, hugged you when you were sad and happy. I know as I adopted both my children and my daughter and her husband are foster parents and just adopted a baby boy.
I hope this has helped.
2007-03-06 19:06:24 · answer #2 · answered by Santa's Elf 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't force yourself to feel anything right now. I'm sure it was a shock and a very strange and surreal experience to get that letter. The good news is that you have a "Dad" in your life that I'm assuming you are pretty close to. This man was your biological father. but he never fathered you or helped raise you as an active part of youe life. I, too am adopted by my Stepdad because my biological father left when I was 2 and we never heard from him again. Spend some quality time with the person you refer to as Dad and get some hugs and talk a bit. Be thankful for him and say a prayer for the man who passed away.
2007-03-06 21:17:44 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you feeling, do you feel like you should be sad, cry grieve? If you do not have those emotions at this time it is ok, it must still be difficult for you. I am sorry for the loss of your parents. Do you feel confused about what to feel? If you think SHOULD is the identifying word i do not agree. If you cry that is ok if not that is ok, Maybe the question really is, not his passing but the answers you never received from your dad and his life, your life, so much to consider. You will be alright, feel what you genuinly feel not what you should feel. Good Luck Dear
2007-03-06 19:33:45 · answer #4 · answered by my4dogs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry. Even if you have no contact with your biological parent, I can understand how there might be a part of you, way back in your mind, that thinks you could someday track him down and fix things between you. It is sad to know that you will never have that opportunity. I think you can have a feeling of loss without having loved your father.
2007-03-06 16:53:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
would u cry if i told u my husband died, no cause u did not know hi. well u had a dead beat dad who did not give a damm about u so u don't have to cry - u can but don't feel bad when the tears don't want to come. be strong and good luck may God be with u in every step u take
2007-03-08 22:39:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course it is ok to fell sad. i dont see my dad and he is alive. i have a stepdad who has basically been my dad since i was a little girl. it is perfectly fine to feel the way that you do. it is ok to feel the way you do and to still feel like you need him for some reason. dont worry , everything works out. and dont ever think anything was your fault. just be strong its ok to cry
2007-03-07 03:05:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't really know him at all, so you don't have to be sad if you don't want to, and don't feel guilty about it either.
2007-03-06 16:40:42 · answer #8 · answered by Jasmina 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋