I love my boyfriend so much and we love being together I think it is stupid not to get married, we have talked about getting married and he say's he wants to marry me but he doesn't ever take a step in that direction. I would like to be married and live together and start a family, but how can I with a man who doesn't seem to ever be ready? I know he loves me and he is great but I feel so inadiquite because of his lack of proposal. I feel like I'm steadily aproaching a time where it's like, marry this guy or move on. And that thought breaks my heart. Let me know what you think I should do, I need help.
2007-03-06 16:04:20 · 28 answers · asked by Cyndi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I know where you're coming from I've been in that situation for almost 7 years now....it sucks......does he have any financial difficulties (school loans, other debt?) How old aer you now? There are alot of things to consider maybe he's up to his **** in debt and doesn't want to drag you down too? Is he in school now? Maybe he wants to wait until things are stable enough to make a decent living so he can provide you with a nice home.....some guys are weird like that (very honorable but weird all the same) see what his goals are outside of marriage and maybe it'll give you a better idea of when he may propose. Don't feel inadequate because you're not engaged that's societys fault. You'll know when and if it's time to leave.
2007-03-06 17:24:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey five years is enough time to waste. If he wanted to marry you like he says, he would have at least proposed in all that time. IF you want to be married and have a family, you had better move on and find some one new. If you make the mistake of moving in with him on any Trial Marriage nonsense then I guarentee he will never ever mention marriage again. You could confront him with the old marry me or else but frankly would you want a guy you had to do that to before he would marry you? I think not so don't waste any more time on this jerk. dump him now, give your self some time to get over it and then find you a new love, one that wants the same things you want. Good Luck
2007-03-06 16:18:58 · answer #2 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Many people go through this. It really boils down to what you expect and are willing to sacrifice. Often people will be with one person for years and then as soon as they split up for a hot minute, they will quickly marry the new person. You cannot get anyone to do something that they are not ready to do. All you can do is have a mature conversation without threatening, but sincerely expressing to him how you feel. Maybe he truly needs some time without you to determine the future path of your relationship. Five years is a minute for him to still be indecisive, but don't wait until ten years and then still be stuck in the same situation when that is not where your values lie.
2007-03-06 16:11:57 · answer #3 · answered by mackdingy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him time! Perhaps he's saving up for a ring and the ceremony.
Perhaps he's waiting for a perfect moment to propose!
Answers of "only invest 1-2 years of your time" are stupid.
My boyfriend proposed after 3 1/2 years of dating. He planned the proposal for a year before he popped the question.
If you DO decide to give him an ultimatum, don't be surprised if he decides to let you walk.
I would just be patient, considering you've talked about getting married.
2007-03-07 00:57:02 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it can be possible that he wants to secure things before having to take the responsibility of supporting a family. that is to say, he wants to make sure that he would be able to provide all that is needed as efficiently as possible with the least amount of worry.
it can be possible as well that the pressure that you're putting on him to commit is making him less attracted to committing on his own will. for him to get motivated to ask you with no intrinsic reward, he has to do so on his own and feel it in himself. you telling him to get married is like telling a child to go to bed. he's not going to do it until he feels sleepy and if he does do it, then not going to be fully committed to going to sleep even though he eventually will.
it can also be possible that he just does not want to commit. as bad as that may sound, some people just either dont want or feel that they cannot handle the responsibility of raising and providing for a family. a way you could counter this type of thinking is to explain to him that you will be there and that he would not have to shoulder the burden of children and the house alone. however that places a pretty bow on the deal of marriage that might fall off on the way and may ruin some smiles.
overall, wait. try not to be demanding about marriage and see what he says then. if it is still that he does but doesn't want to get married then confront him explaining to him the importance of marriage to you. again don't be demanding about it just explain and see if he gets it. ask his opinion and if its the same a year later, i say take a break.
2007-03-08 15:37:01 · answer #5 · answered by Flabbergasted 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you don't say how old you are - this could be a key factor. Have you told HIM how you feel? You say he says he wants to marry you - then it should be no problem to sit down with him and tell him you think it's time you discussed setting a date. If he shys away after a 5 year relationship, then maybe you need to think about moving on.
2007-03-06 16:24:19 · answer #6 · answered by itsjuzme2u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read Dr. Laura's book "The 10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives" or listen to her on the radio - she's really good with questions like this. If you are having sex with him - STOP! Tell him that you want to wait til you get married so it will be special and if he can't wait, then he is not worth it. That may not be a popular answer, but it is a smart one! If you don't believe me, really take a look at all the relationship/marriage problems there are since people started having premarital sex and using birth control - it's really true that if you save it for marriage, you will be blessed. If he thinks you are really special and the right one, he will agree and wait for you. If not, don't make the same mistakes next time, save it for marriage! Good luck and God bless!
2007-03-06 18:29:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
First, you have to decide how important it is to you to get married. If you decide that you absolutely must, tell him. You must be prepared to hear no and be able to walk away. You can't make him want to marry you and if those goals don't match, chances are there are a lot of other things you disagree on. I personally don't think a piece of paper makes a whole lot of difference and desperation is unattractive (6.5 year unmarried relationship and content).
2007-03-06 16:18:30 · answer #8 · answered by serene irene 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I think you know the answer. You can't "get" him to do what he obviously doesn't want, even though you desperately do! Girl, five years has been plenty of time for you to have invested in him; I would have been gone around three! Time is passing you by, and you have to seriously decide what you want to do. It may be terribly hard to break up with him and move on, but it depends upon what will make you happier: hanging on and hoping, or getting back your independence and seeing what else the world has to offer.
2007-03-07 02:13:00 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't make him propose. You can tell him just what you said here (or show him your question) and then talk frankly about the subject. He will resent marrying you if he does so before he feels ready, which may or may never come.
2007-03-06 16:10:25 · answer #10 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋