can anybody help me, please?!?

Question

Here is my dilemma: I have suffered from severe depression and anxiety for many years now! I am in my late thirties. i married young and was blessed with three beautiful children. My illness became mech worse as I got into my mid twenties. I also have chron's disease. The past 3 or 4 years have been extremely rough with my illnesses, I feel totally hopeless and worthless and suicide is always on my mind. I have had attempts and numerous hospitalizations and have been going for counseling for years. I look around and everyone I know has success, I didn't finish college, have no career, and just am so lacking compared to everyone I know. I used to be very attractive and have gained lots of weight also! I feel I have nothing except my kids and soon they won't need me! My husband and I have no relationship really, we just exist. We don't really fight, there is just nothing. I am a big waste of space as far as I am concerned, I wish my life would just end! Killing myself seems right!

Answer 1

You are needed. Your kids will always need you. I'm about to be 20, and am 1200 miles away from home, but I need my mom more than ever. We can never really exisit without our mothers. And if you ended your life, think how that would affect them. You obviously love your kids, or you wouldn't have mentioned them, so think how you would feel if they did that.

Please, just don't do it. All of us out here care. All your friends and family care. They care so much more than you could possibly know. And you're not a failure. If you've managed to raise three kids, that's probably a bigger accomplishment than any big shot career person can say. In my book, you're a success.

Answer 2

You know, there are actually people out there that have never contemplated the idea of suicide and think that people who do have no reason to think this. Of course, what seems as insurmountable odds today, tonight, this week, will not be as overwhelming in the morning, tomorrow, next week. Suicide, as they say, is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Of course, I can say this today since I am on a slight high swing. Take comfort in the fact that you do have children. Although they are growing up, they will always need you. Even when they are in their 30's and 40's, there is a certain comfort knowing mom is a phone call away.

I know what the down times are like. I too, have never finished school. I too, have no career. I too, have gained weight in my age. I too, have gone through medical mysteries for the past year. I too, have in my journal entries that I am a waste of space. I too, have been hospitalized and it's constantly on my mind. I keep saying it will be a miracle if I make it to my 40th. I only have my pets (no kids, no husband). To save yourself tonight, tell your husband. If you don't want to do that, drive yourself to the hospital for a 72 hour stay. Get involved with your kids, find something that is special to each of you.

There is no easy answer. Everyone here will say don't do it, call the suicide hotline, etc. I do agree, don't do it. And I must say, your ability and desire to post here is a sign that you do want someone to intervene, it just needs to be the right person. Find that person! Dyin' is easy, it's life that's hard! Good luck, don't throw in the towel just yet!

Answer 3

I'm in a similar situation, but I was not able to have kids because my symptoms were too bad, and I wouldn't have been able to care for them. That hurts a lot (I'm 42 now, too late for me) I was in graduate school when I couldn't do it anymore, and am now on disability for bipolar disorder. that was my life's goal lost (to be a research scientist). I'm married too, although my marriage is a new one and I have a good relationship, fortunately. And I have gained a lot of weight too.

What I do is go to a support center, well, really a socialization place for mental illness. Google your state plus consumer plus mental, and you should be able to find one of those. The consumer movement emphasized recovery of those with mental illness (the consumers- I hate that word, but hey, I didn't coin it) Getting more socialization is really helpful. YOu could also sign up for county services-I have a social worker, which I am entitled to because I have severe mental illness, and you appear to be in the same boat. The services vary from state to state, so you will have to call up your county and ask for the mental health people. The social worker will know a lot of what is available to you. In my county, there are some support/educational groups you can go to, like how to handle stress and anxiety, how to fill out a psychiatric advance directive, etc. It is really helpful to hang out with others who have been in the same spot you are.

In the meantime, you probably need a med adjustment to get you thru this time. I lost my faith in god over all this stuff, so I don't even have that to fall back on anymore. What has helped me some is oil painting, that's something you can pick up and put down again. Reading novels gives me a break too. Mental illness is awful and it strikes in the prime of life. Sorry about the crohn's disease, I don't know anything about that, except I'm sure you are in the hospital for that, too.

All the best, email me if you want to talk more.

Answer 4

I have to first say that if you are suicidal at this time, you should consider checking yourself in to somewhere that can help you.

I don't think anyone on here can really help you without knowing you but I do know where you're not seeing things clearly. Just to spout a little sociology, it has been propaganda in many societies to downplay the role of the homemaker (or whatever you may call it) in order to make the role of the working person prophetic. Now take into account the role we usually append to women and men. Traditionally, women will stay home and men will work. From what I read, you don't feel you've led a successful life because you haven't achieved what others around you have. From my point of view, raising three children from a young age (and from what I would say may be less knowledge) into "three beautiful children" is an amazing accomplishment and in our world today (especially the US) it is very hard to find offspring like that in the new generation. There are multiple ways to be successful, and I wouldn't say any one is no more valuable than the other. For instance just in work, a gas station attendant has value such as a doctor. Heck, I depend more on the attendant than the doctor, as I have a general distrust for them (every surgery I've had has gone wrong) and avoid them at all costs.

As far as your weight goes, it's actually a symptom of anxiety and depression disorders to rapidly gain or lose weight. So while you see yourself ugly on the inside, it doesn't help much that it reflects itself on the outside too. It's actually kind of a twisted way our minds work, in my humble opinion. The suicide is also an effect of depression.

My point is that many of your problems boil down to just a few centering around why you are always sad. It doesn't sound like joy is a very good friend of yours, but that's not to say you can't be friends.

So your kids are leaving soon. "Empty Nest Syndrom" as quacks like to call it, or we also call it adjustment disorder. I see positives in that too though. They'll be gone and soon you can concentrate on you. Whatever you've felt was missing you can soon do. I am finishing up my masters right now in counseling and I would say half of the students are over 40 and share parts of your background: raised kids, didn't do anything as far as a career goes, etc...

But the bottom line is, you can't discount what you have done. Raising kids to the point where they are self-sufficient is a tremendous task. I know a lot of friends my age who still live with their parents. It takes a lot of determination to love your kids enough to help them not need you, but it's a part of growing up.

And hey, couples counseling is something I'm specializing in. I love it. I wish I could have taken my ex-fiance to it before we broke it off because I think it would have helped. There's always hope to get better.

In closing, we say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I don't even like that saying. In my mind, it's no solution at all. When we get that low though it's hard not to think about it.

Have you tried different counselors? Many have different styles and approaches based on theories that tailor to different people.

Are you on medication? (In my opinion) They help short term to stabilize a person but many professionals keep their clients on them longer than is necessary, almost freezing the client in that apathetic state.

Does your health insurance cover couples or family therapy? Have you gone? Would your husband be willing to go? Most providers will do 10 sessions a year. There are numerous approaches that center around this brief time frame.

Please tell me if I understand what you've said, and if you could answer these questions at the end, maybe I can offer more help. The world needs you. You need yourself, and you're too young to leave so soon.

Answer 5

I'm here. I don't know you, but I care. I may never meet you, but I care anyway. People who are on this website care. There is always someone out there who cares, and above all your children care. No matter what age, they are going to need you. My mom left me when I was 4 and then my dad remarried but got divorced when I was 14. I thought I was old enough to take care of my younger sister and I could be her mother figure; I figured I did not need a mom anymore, but I was wrong. I realized this year how much I needed her, and I am now 18. I will always need her. Your kids love you and will always need you. Some stranger reading this entry of yours may need you. Someone out there needs you, maybe not now but tomorrow, next week, in 3 days, in a month, in a year. Fact is someone will need you. Be there for them, because when they need you they will care.

Answer 6

Wows! Sounds like you have a big problem there,maybe you should used it to your advantaged, Write a book on all your dilemma's,starting from the beginning when you got married and the three kids,mid-twenties all the way til now. You'll be a millionaire.

Answer 7

You don't say whether you're actively going to counseling.... If you are, the counselor is missing something. Get yourself to a doctor pronto. The drug(s) that you are taking are not effective for your condition. Bless you and remember that God loves you. Take care.

Answer 8

NO! Do not kill yourself please. You can talk to me. I have been going through depression for awhile now. Back in 2000 I started feeling symtoms of depression. I told my doctor and she helped me out by giving me samples of lexapro. It helped so much. Well she said as long as I pay to see her she will give me all the samples she can. After awhile I couldn't pay to see her. So when my meds were gone I thought that I was ok and I could do without them. Before I started the lexapro I was taking St. Johns' Wort. It helped but the lexapro was better. So, anyway I thought I was better and four years later when I started planning my wedding I started feeling the symtoms coming back. I thought that it was just the stress from the wedding and tried to deal with it without any help. Well, about a week after I was married I got pregnant. For the whole first month I was depressed and crying almost everyday. But things got better. I think being pregnant made the depression go away. Then after I had my baby I was soo depressed and I had to go to see a phsychiatrist. They put me back on lexapro after trying prozac(which I don't recommend) and another medicine because I couldn't afford the lexapro. They finally told me that I wasn't severe but that my problem was chemical and that I could see my regular physician to get refills and to see how I'm doing every six months. I have to take medicine for three years, well one and a half now and if I still have symptoms then I have to take medicine for the rest of my life, which is ok for me because it makes me feel much better. I was really going down and I felt that if I didn't get help then it would get much worse. I suggest getting help and possibly getting some medicine. I also have a best friend that has anxiety and she takes paxel. She said she can tell the difference if she doesn't take it and that it helps her so much. Her anxiety was real bad. I feel sad sometimes because I am only 28 and going through this but it is almost becoming normal. Alot of people have depression. We just have so much in our lives, so many jobs and so many responsibilities that it gets the best of us. I also didn't finish college but I try to think of the bright side. I have a computer and when the time is right I will sign up for some online college courses. I'm not going to worry about the cost because I can sign up for financial aid and hopefully get a grant and not have to pay for anything because I don't have any money. I also don't have a career but with the tax money that my husband and I got I started a buisness. So far I haven't made any money but I know that it takes time, so I have motivation. I'm also struggling with my weight. I am now 60 lbs overweight and so unhappy with being fat. I have tries working out and haven't lost more than 10 lbs. The only thing keeping me going is my son and my husband. You have to try to get back your relatonship with your husband first. Ask him for support and help. Talk to him more about how you feel when you get down. A little everyday will help. I feel ugly, fat and useless. I stay at home with my son because I lost the only job that would let me take my son to work. Now my husband works two jobs and I stay at home everyday except sunday when I go to church. O yeah also pray, definetly pray. God will eventually answer your prayers. Maybe nit in the way you want him to but he will answer them. He has helped me with my struggles and I know he help you. Just have faith and believe. Well I now I have written a book. So I pray for you and hope that you make the right descion. And you can talk to me. Just e-mail me at [e-mail] and I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Answer 9

Do you every pray, talk to your children, help them with their homework. I have to be honest; you do not love yourself, if you did you would never think about killing yourself. If you did kill yourself, what would be the mental harn done to your children!!
Turn off the TV and go for a nice walk; just writing is a start.

Answer 10

in reality my 2 babies...until eventually they are 18. I supply them a particular volume of freedom, yet no longer too a lot. they are nonetheless little. I enable them be themselves, yet i do not enable them be disrespectful or detrimental. and that i pay the costs and purchase the garments so as that they placed on wth I tell them to.