Rehearsal Dinner - no money to host but want to spend time with guests.?

Question

This is the second time around for my fiance and I. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding and honeymoon entirely ourselves. We simply do not have any additional money in our budget to pay for a rehearsal dinner for anyone and neither of our parents are willing to provide financial support. That said, we have 1 maid of honor and 1 best man (not a large wedding party) and mostly out of town guests. We really would like to spend time with them and enjoy dinner the night before. How do we convey to guests that we want to spend time with them but they will need to anticipate the cost of their dinner and drinks?

The wedding and reception will all be at the hotel on the beach. So, unfortunately the bbq idea doesn't work so well. Thank you though! I think the welcoming them to join us would be good.

Maybe saying something like, the bridal party will be having dinner at such and such location and you are welcome join us if you would like. That way no one feels obligated to go and can chose whatever dinner they prefer.

Answer 1

Rehearsal dinner--since your bridal party is just 2 people and it's the 2nd time around, why bother with it at all? You know what to do. Many times when it's just a small group like that they don't have to rehearse b/c it's just not that big a deal if something goes slightly wrong.

I'm assuming you are already having a reception where you are doing food and whatnot. So it's not necessary to do it for the rehearsal as well. Traditionally thats the grooms familys responsibility and since they aren't providing it, it is perfectly natural not to have it. (Most of the answers thought you meant you weren't doing a reception) Why not just have a drinks and cake the night before? Ask any friends and family to make a dessert. If you get 10 people to chip in and bring something, you'll have plenty. And you provide punch. If you've blocked off hotel space, I'd put a note in the room to let them know, but make sure if you are doing the traditional and inviting all out of town guests to it i'd let people know beforehand. Perhaps have an invite to it that read,

The bride and groom are going to be so busy on their wedding day and as you traveled here to see them, they would really like to spend more time than the one day allows. We would love for you to join us Friday night for a punch and dessert gathering/for a walk by the pond/whatever the exact event you plan to do is.

I think by calling it a gathering or a gettogether, it shows that it is not a rehearsal dinner but just an opportunity to talk and socialize. Be specific though. If you are just providing shelter, say "for social hour". Outdoors with nothing "an evening by the pond" or "punch and cake". Anything with wording like that politely informs the guests to eat dinner beforehand.

Don't have it at a restaurant and they won't expect food. If you do decide to have it at a restaurant, I'd say "the bridal party will be having dinner at Michaelangelo's Italian Restaurant and will stay until 10pm for socializing and drinks. If you are available, they would love for you to drop by to socialize" That implies they can come and go, but are expected to pay without directly stating a "cost".

If the weather is nice, definitely consider a location. Outdoors by a pond or something would be beautiful. It's the day before so everyone will be casual anyway. A friend of ours had no money for the wedding and she did her reception like that. It was in the church fellowship hall and was just punch and cake. The church ladies got a sheet cake from Walmart for about $20 and spent about $20 on punch. It was a nice time for people to talk, but it wasn't expected that people would stay 4-5 hours. It was more of an open house type of thing.

Don't feel bad that you can't feed people 2 nights in a row. It's not expected of you.

Answer 2

I would suggest you plan an evening out just like you would any other outing and not call it a rehearsal dinner. Instead of sending invitations, let everyone know verbally over the telephone or e-mail that a group of you are going out for dinner and they are welcomed to join you. In addition to informing them of the time and location, give them a generally idea of the cuisine and price range for meals. Also be sure to ask your guests to let you know if they will be attending by a specific date so you can make reservations. But if you really want to send invitations, specify that it is a no host dinner (don't specify rehearsal dinner) along with the price range so guests will be prepared to pay for their own meals.

Answer 3

I would set up a dinner with a restaurant for a fixed price per head. Then, send out something with the invitation that states that there is an optional dinner for out-of-town guests with the price written on it. Include an RSVP. (Don't call it a "Rehearsal Dinner".)

I had a friend that did something similar. It was on a small piece of paper in the invitation. It said, "For out of town guests who would like to spend additional time with the happy couple, there is an optional dinner on March 4th. Cost: $25. Please RSVP in advance." I didn't find it tacky and I thought it was a good way to handle the situation.

Answer 4

Why not have a dinner that you prepare ahead or a BBQ at your home and enlist some family or friends to deal with preparing the food once you begin the party?
I don't agree with hosting a dinner and asking the guests to pay for themselves. If I were one of the guests, I would feel obligated to go because I was invited and it might look petty if I refused, however, I would feel resentful to have to pay for my own dinner at a restaurant that I didn't select. If I am paying for my meal, I want to be able to choose what I want.

Answer 5

I would say, send an extra envelope to your out of town guests, when you send the invitations out. Include some brochures of area attractions, and the hotel where the wedding will be held, and all area resturaunts. Give them plenty of different types of things in the area. Also include a personal note fromy ou and your soon to be hubby. (typed or hand written is up to you and the number of guests you have to send this to)
In your letter let them know that you are excited about the upcoming event and that you want them to feel at home and welcome for your event. Explain that you are including information on the area for them to look over before their visit in case they would like to try any of it out. (Most people will be in for a weekend and may want activities other than just the wedding) Also, as a final part to your letter, inform your guests that you and your soon to be will be having dinner at (wherever and whatever time) and would love it if they joined you. Tell them you have included a copy of the menu for them to look over before their arrival. Ask them to drop you a note, a call or an email and to let you know if they will be joining you so that the resturaunt can have enough seats available and so that the resturaunt will know the number of tickets to expect. (some resturaunts do require advance notice if it will be needing to split checks, so you can blame it on that if you need a reason to state it clearly) But do state that you understand if they would rather do something solo and that you will be happy to see them the day of the wedding!
This is pretty self explanitory for guests. This is a tactful way to let them know that it is up to them to come or not come, including the cost!

Generally guests will understand and simply want to join you for your company! And if not, there's no hard feelings either!

PS, all of the information for your packet can be found at your tourist information center, or call the places and ask them to fax it or email it to you! You could even get extra copies for their hotel rooms and make them a little basket with this info in it, in case they forget to bring it with them! Depending on the number of guests, you could even get a key chain or trinket from the area to add in the basket, that shouldn't cost you much! It's a welcome kit to show your appreciation for them coming!

Answer 6

I would not have a rehearsal dinner for a 2nd marriage with a very small bridal party. If you tell people the wedding party will be at 'Sam's" if you'd like to join them there, they still might think it's free, because rehearsal dinners are usually that sort of thing.

Answer 7

I think you are over thinking this. For one thing everyone knows you are already paying for a wedding an honeymoon, so you are going to be looked as cheap, like it or not. I have been in many weddings, and will say if the bride or groom asked this of me, I would be fine, but would scratching my head along with the other people forced to pay.

Answer 8

Uhm tell them, maybe just say that you'll go out for dinner as a group the night before at a specific restaurant. Just be clear so noone has other expectations.

Answer 9

Can you plan something at home? Maybe have your wedding party, though small, help you set it up? If it's warm you could do a BBQ, if not you could still throw something together at home. Make some drinks, cook some food, alot more relaxed & fun than a resturant in my book.

Answer 10

You can't invite them somewhere and have them pay themselves; that's not exactly "hosting". Just have them go to your home for drinks and snacks after the rehearsal - that, surely you can manage.