im 12 in 7 grade and im going out with this one girl because she really wanted to go out with me and i said yes just to be nice but i really dont like her. I told all me friends that i want to break up with her even though weve only been goin out for a week. when she heard that she called me and asked if it was true. I said no to still be nice but i think that theres gona be trouble ahead if i keep goin out with her and she finds out that i was lying. And i just cant tell her that i want to break up cause it might hurt her feeling or something and i dont want that. im kinda waiting for her to break up with me but nothing has happened. What should i do. And i really dont have any feeling for her
2007-03-06 15:00:05 · 19 answers · asked by fischer062794 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You should not have agreed in the first place. How to fix it? Get here alone somewhere. Be very gentle and say that you are sorry, but you don't want to go out with her. Just say that you don't feel the same way and you did not want to hurt her feelings. This is hard to do, but if your intension is really to not hurt her feelings, this is the best thing to do. Dragging it out will hurt her much, much more. Men don't like to hurt girls even if they aren't interested. But many form this bad habit that you are talking about -they don't say anything and continue on and are "polite". This is THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO TO A GIRL! Because your behavior is making her nervous, scared, and makes her look at herself and worry that she is not pretty enough and a thousand other things. In her mind, she will be going over every conversation you had wondering if it was this or that that she said. If you end it in a gentle way, she will get over it. She might be angry -but that is just feeling rejected. Just put up with it. It hurts if you like someone and they don't like you back. But better to tell her so she can end it in her mind with you and find someone else who DOES like her. By dragging it out, you are stopping her from meeting anyone else.
Real men take responsibility for their feelings and actions. If she knows you do not want her, yes, it will hurt her. But she will get over it and respect you for being honest. Dragging it out makes you dishonest. A liar. And a creep.
It's not entirely your fault. Women should not ask out men. And some people won't agree with that in this modern age, but it is true whether they like it or not. Men know what they want and if a guy has not asked you out, he IS NOT INTERESTED! It opens the door to exactly what happened with you.
For now, just be nice, and really mean it when you say you are sorry. Tell her that you really did not want to hurt her and did not know what to say when she asked you out. Tell her you do like her as a person, but not in that way. If she starts asking why, you do not have to answer. Just be nice and say, I don't know why. I'm just not feeling that way about you.
And DON'T go telling everyone you broke up with her. Don't give anyone a reason. If anyone asks, be a gentleman. A gentleman would say, it just wasn't working out. Or even that she broke up with you. This is how you save her from further insult.
Good luck.
2007-03-06 15:15:53 · answer #1 · answered by Instant Justice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is always best to be honest. You are not benefiting her by 'saving her feeling', and it is definitely not benefit ting you. By not being honest with her, you are indirectly insulting her intelligence and maturity. If you are honest with her, both you and here have the opportunity to find a real relationship. Be honest and get it over with. Then you can move on guilt free.
When you tell her, be gentle if you like. Tell her all the usually things. Tell her that you thought there was something stronger there at one time, but you realize now that you only like her as a friend.
I am assuming she already has a pretty good idea you are not interested, since she asked you about it already!
2007-03-06 15:19:54 · answer #2 · answered by B H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from experience, be honest and tell her the truth. You're actually making the situation worst by making her feel like you're actually interested in her when your not. Then your telling other people that you don't like her instead of telling the one person that needs to know, her. You're 12 years old, if you plan to live your life by being afraid to hurt someone's feelings because you're telling them the truth, you will be very unhappy with the years to come. If that's how you feel then she has no choice but to respect that from you. You just have to hurry up and tell her before she loses respect in you, which I'm pretty sure she will because then she'll know what all the other people were saying was the truth. I wish you the best!
2007-03-06 15:09:19 · answer #3 · answered by janitza421 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were the girl, I wouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't really like me and everyone knew about it, except for me.. I say you should talk things through with your g/f and tell her you need sometime to think and that it would be best for you two to spend sometime seeing other ppl.. also tell her you want to work on building a stronger relationship, and maybe you can work out in the future.. dont' let someone get attached to you if you can't handle the consequences.. just don't be a jerk about it like most guys.. and make sure you still talk to her when it's over.. hope this helped.. bye
2007-03-06 15:04:49 · answer #4 · answered by ily<3 2010 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont keep trailing her along to make her believe that there is something there. Trust me, it will be easier to break it off now before she grows even more feelings for you. She's in middle school, she'll get over it. Just be quick and to the point, but dont embarrass her even more that you've already done by telling everyone about it.
2007-03-06 15:05:58 · answer #5 · answered by blueghettogirl8 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
bad news: there's no easy way to break up, but it will be worse if you prolong it. so one day, sit her down and tell her. but what is it you don't like about her? looks? smarts? tell her what turned you off about her, and give her some tips to improve. Then compliment her on something, and explain that she'll have more chances at boys in high school. she'll probably cry; she might even start insulting you or even hit you; i got no advice for you here; just use your instincts. but if you need to: run like H E L L !
good news: it's doable (breaking up), people survive, life goes on. and pretty soon you'll forget her, because, assuming you're nice, handsome, and all that other crap girls dig, you'll have more girlfriends!
good luck
2007-03-06 16:42:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude you are in 7th grade. It's your time to step out into the world and explore. I wouldn't worry if you hurt her feelings. When I was in 7th grade I dated a lot of people and broke up with a lot of people. You may be the first but you won't be the last to hurt her feelings. In the long run, don't accept girlfriends just to be nice or b/c you didn't want to hurt their feelings. You hurt someone more if you accept them and then decide you don't want to be with them. How bout just be friends with everyone first? And on a personal note, date lots of people before you settle. you never know what's out there to explore. Oh and also don't spend hours on the phone just listening to them breathe or go about their daily business. It may seem natural now but you grow up and think that is soo stupid! If you want to spend time with them, spend time with them in person. Plus, you'll have more to talk about when you actually do see them.
2007-03-06 15:08:32 · answer #7 · answered by thenoodle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a girl, I would know that I would much rather be with someone because they want to be with me not because he was being nice. Trust me when you grow older you are going to have to speak your mind and tell girls that you are not interested. Of course its gonna suck but she would appreciate you for not wasting her time, and you wouldnt have to waste your time as well. You are only 12 and you have your whole live ahead of you and if you dont break it off know, it will only get more difficult. Trust me she will understand someday.
2007-03-06 15:08:04 · answer #8 · answered by dancingqueen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that really sucks for you. I am 25 but was in in exact same case when i was in 7Th grade i was feeling bad for this guy who asked me out so i said yes but really didn't want to go out with him. I cant say the same will work for you and no matter what she will be hurt but not for long you guys are young and it will be so irrelevant later on. it is always better to be honest sooner than later. it's not like your never going to tell her and then marry her so you might as well just get it out of the way. I got of my situation by calling my ex boyfriend who i still liked at the time and asked him to start kissing me right in front of the guy i didn't like. so he did and it work he hated me for a little bit but got over it. pass her a note or put it in her locker. or another one I use to pull was say you heard she wanted to break up with you and now you are already going with someone else. Just get it over with!!!
2007-03-06 15:13:00 · answer #9 · answered by eyes_sparkle_green 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is something to learn early in life...
You can't date someone just b/c they like you. By doing this, you will ultimately hurt them worse. You need to tell her the truth and remember that leading her on is worse than not going out with her in the first place.
2007-03-06 15:04:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋