GUYS What were his INTENTIONS???? HELP!!?

Question

I'm separated since August. I've known thru my sis this guy, divorced, for like 3 years. Good looking, spiritual. He always had a crush on me and showed it everytime,I wouldn't let it show(married!!) He has had the same girlfriend for these 3 years. I had a rough time with hub, a year ago I wrote this guy an anonymous letter telling him he was my platonic love, he answered back! He and I wrote each other letters for 8 months,about 2 or 3 times a week,never guessed it was me. At Xmas he wrote he was getting married,so I told him it was me and we should stop.He wouldn't,told me he always liked me,that he has feelings for me,similar to what he feels for her,that he never imagined,wanted to see me,messaged me all day,chatted for an hour,called,flirted,I heard he postponed the wedding (for other reasons) til I stopped him and asked what he wanted,why he looked for me,and not to unless he was single.Said he was getting married but i fill him in every way,he will miss me.Wrote again, I don't.

He wrote me again on Valentine's Day saying he knows he shouldn't but can't stop thinking, that he thinks about me and misses me very much. I'm sure he was expecting an answer, I haven't answered. We had a beautiful friendship and were very connected - before he knew it was me he would miss me if I didn't write, etc.This always made me wonder about his SOLID relationship with his gf.I know I did wrong possibly,but I knew it was possibly my ONLY chance of anything with him.I believe him when he says he has strong feelings for me,we both do,and I truly miss him.Sometimes I think that I rushed into pushing him away,maybe we had a chance.He was really constant and interested on a daily basis once he knew it was me,but I know it wasn't right for him to do that being with a gf.Is he in love with her?He says to other people he postponed the wed. until 2009-laughing! What should I think? I can't forget him, I've tried very hard but it's not working. He knows my family,he shouldn't be playing!!

Answer 1

Hi
I think you should ask yourself what your intentions were to begin with. You approached someone in a relationship because he flirted with you. I think you needed something because you were having a rough time and so you set up an intrigue with him that could easily have taken him away from his partner, excusing yourself by being anonymous. We are all flattered by attention and you both fell for it.
You calling it platonic gave you both the leaway to carry on.
He obviously loves his girlfriend, but you led him in a dance that he found hard to resist.
You then issued him with an ultimatum not to carry on with you unless he effectively dumped his girl. Ethics ? or tactics ?
He compared you on a level with his girl, which means he found a strong attraction in you, but at the end of the day why would he risk going into an unknown situation when he has what he could have with you, but proven by time and intimacy.
If you had allowed him to carry on from within his relationship, had a full affair with him, then you would know the true calibre of him. If he had an affair with you, he could do it again. If he didn't then he is a faithful type.
The fact that you ask means that this is in no way platonic any more for either of you else it would not have to stop when he marries.
You started it, you dropped a bait, issued an ultimatum and he did not bite. The girlfriend wins. Be more careful in future to choose an available man. Don't mess with other's relationships and you will suffer less heartache, and cause less.
You have no chance with him now, move on. If you are meant for each other, the chance will arise again, but you must leave him alone now or end up being tarred with a bad brush. I wish you well.

Answer 2

Sounds like he wants a backup incase this marriage doesnt work &/or that basically he's marrying for a reason other then love money maybe or something shady. Lose him no real man would do this to either one of the women. Also whats to say he wouldnt do this to you a year from now if he choices you. He should have left her as soon as he knew it was you if he really liked you & then focused on trying things with you but he didnt & has just kept you on the shelf or behind the scence sadly he will likely hurt you both especially if you keep letting him.