Don't you hate when other parents indirectly tell you what to do with your kid?

Question

I am 6’3” and my wife is 5’9 so we are tall and our daughter takes after us. As a result she looks older than she is. She also has been developing really quickly like sitting up unsupported at 4 months neck control at two months etc. The problem is people look at her and say things like why do you still have bottle. She is 8 months not a year yet and she is using sipy cups for most meals. Or look at you are so cute your parents should let you walk around. Again not walking yet not even a year. Does anyone have this problem with there kids. We also have people say things unrelated to her size. Like you don’t look warm enough sweety

Answer 1

Yes I hate that!!! Especially when they haven't a clue! One thing I did, that I'm surprised I did, was to look at the lady and say, "Oh finally, I have found this baby's mother- ever since I stole that car with the child seat in the back I've been wanting to give this kid back, and since you seem to know SO much about this beautiful baby, you MUST be the mother." I thought I was going to get slapped or have the cops called, both there in the store and when I got home and told my wife. People tend to mean well and sometimes things fly out without them thinking. The worst was when I was comforting my 3 week old daughter while she cried a little and my mother-in-law grabbed her out of my arms- I almost decked her... Anyhow, look at them, smile, and say thanks (or go to hell). good Luck!

Answer 2

Be happy you don't have a preemie...you'd never hear the end of unsolicited advice!
My daughter was born 3 months early (12 1/2 weeks early) and she was 1 lb. 14 oz. at birth...as a result, she's now much smaller than other kids her age (13 months old)or even her adjusted age (which is 10 months old...you subtract how early the child was born from their actual age for preemies...in case you didn't already know)...anyway, she's 28 inches long and barely 16 lbs. So people, first of all, think she's much younger and are SHOCKED at some of the things she does, or we let her do, or we do for her, etc. And sometimes even when they learn her actual age, they then expect her to ACT like a normal 13 month old when she's more like a 10 month old. She IS catching up to her peers, but still...it's frustrating to hear people say dumb things!

But the worst for me is when women who haven't had a baby for over 20 years will try to give me advice (and they obviously don't remember what it's like to have kids since they claim that everything should be so simple and easy!). Or when people try to give me advice and I'm like, "First of all, she's a preemie so your advice for a full-term baby does nothing for me. Secondly, I had SO much experience and advice from the NICU nurses BEFORE my daughter even left the hospital (at 4 months old), so don't presume that I have no idea what I'm doing".

By the way, for some reason, my mother-in-law INSISTS that my daughter needs to be wearing warm socks and a sweater at all times...even in this 85-degree weather we've been having in California! Ridiculous.

Grrr! Thanks for letting me vent!! =P

Answer 3

i always dealt with these problems. my son was always very big too and people would always make comments about him with a bottle or pacifier and he wasn't even a year yet either. when he was 18 months he looked 3 and strangers would say things like, "he should be carrying you. that big boy needs to walk." it was irritating.

i also hated it because he was always on target or ahead in his development as well but people thought he was behind because he looked so old. i told my husband i wanted to attach a sign to him that read, "I am only 2" so they knew why he wasn't behaving like a 4 year old!!

the other thing that drove me crazy was that my good friend had a son that was 2 months younger than mine. he was SO tiny for his age that when we went somewhere he looked like this adorable toddler that was potty trained and talking but he was really a nightmare! he behaved like a toddler so it really wasn't acceptable - stood on the chairs, ran around the restaurant, etc. UGH.

this really set me off now! lol oh, and he is 4 and his birthday is 2 days before the kindergarten cut off. so in his preschool class and all through school he will be the absolute youngest one in the room but of course no one would think so because he is a big boy.

good luck. be glad she is going to grow up tall. :) SD

Answer 4

i have been a mother for 19 years and baby sat for kids sense i was 9 years old and a foster mother for 5 years i know i do not know all but i like to think that i have a clue how to do it

so yes when i have my sisters 3 kids all under 6 out with me and someone comes up and points anything out i politely let them know that i am not new at parenting or raising a child i have had classes and my own kids

i do not need to have someone that knows nothing about the child in my care telling what they want or need or how to care for them

now if they are pointing out something the child is doing that is unsafe or harmful then i thank them and stop the child

but.....i have found myself being on of them people pointing out that a child needs there nose wiped (snot running down a child's face is sooo nasty ) or the child really should not be sucking on rocks ect.

Answer 5

Talk about annoying, huh? My daughter is 3, and is tall for her age too. She is what I call "a runner" (takes off at a moments notice), so for a while, I had no choice but to keep her in a stroller when I had to go shopping (we had no car and I walked the 10 min to the store). Well, we were shopping at Wal-Mart and she managed to unbuckle herself and get free, took off to the toy department. I caught up with her, gave her two swats on the butt and wrestled her back into the stroller. A woman had a audacity to cry out: "How can you treat your handicapped child like that!!!! What kind of mother are you?" Well, I was fuming by then. I pointed out that my daughter was only 3 and that if she "told me how to raise my child, I would spank her A S S as well." Apparently, because of my child's height, she assumed my little girl was about 5, and handicapped judging by her rapid english-baby talk mixed speech. I was horribly insulted that someone had thought my daughter handicapped simply basing it on her size.....I knew a girl who was 4 and came up to my ribs. My cousins little girl is 6 and she can pass for a 10 or 11 yr old(she is over 4 ft tall)!!! The kids in my family run tall!!!!!!!

Answer 6

YES! I HATE THAT! Sometimes I just want to say "He can't talk! If u have something to say, say it to me!" I hate it when they do that. And what is the worst is when it is someone who doesn't even have kids. My Aunt has no kids and from the time my son was born she has given me her opinion/advice. And I want to say "until u are in my shoes, keep your opinion to yourself!"
My son is 2 but he didn't start walking until he was 21 months old, not b/c he didn't want to but b/c he had problems with balance and mobility, well anyway, I can't tell u how many times people would say things like "if mommy didn't spoil u so much u would walk on your own." and these were people I had never met and who didn't know his situation. So I got to where I would tell them "He's in physical therapy, he can't walk yet, but he's working on it" Just to see them get embarrassed.(My husband did worse than that though). So I feel for u. LOL

Answer 7

I think we have all experienced that at one point or another. I am a very large man and I have nothing but sons. Being a former collegiate wrestler, I was very physical with the boys from early on. I have people question my boys about how active they are all the time, and I have them comment when it is EACH OTHER they are rough housing with, not with someone else's kids. I just smile and tell them they have the right to raise their kids HOWEVER they want.

Answer 8

People used to say things about my son. He has a genetic disorder that makes him smaller than most children... Once when I was in a store, some women got down on her knees held his hand and said "sweetie, doesn't your mommy feed you, you must be hungry being so skinny" I told her to get her hands off my child or I would call the cops. Then I told her about his disorder, making her feel like crap. I said that from now on she should mind her own business. Everyone wants to play mommy, but no one wants to clean up the poo.

Answer 9

I get frustrated, but I've learned to chalk it up to good intentions and a bit of ignorance. My oldest was a big kid too, and we faced a lot of that.

If you think you have it hard, try having a kid with autism. My nine year old just got griped out by a parent at the library for playing with the baby toys. Well, she may be big but emotionally she's about six months old, thanks for rubbing it in. What's even worse is when you say she has autism, and then they say "OH...I saw Rainman, what's her special talent?" Okay, autism isn't anything like Rainman, and her only special talent is identifying IDIOTS...her alarm is beeping pretty loud right now!!!

We get crap all the time about her flapping her arms, one lady told me how rude it was that she wouldn't talk to her. When I said she had autism, she replied "Well, you should get her cured!" Another lady asked me "Don't they have homes for kids like that?"

Like Mark B, I have very rarely regressed to ugly comments. My favorite was to a lady at the mall, who was telling me all about my kids. With a very friendly voice, I asked "Oh, where did you get your degree?" When she looked confused, i replied "Well, I was wondering where you got your phD in autism, because there aren't any colleges around here that have courses"

Answer 10

All of what you just mentioned is something every parent goes through. Don't be so sensitive to it. People you don't know who say things to you like that don't mean harm and you are probably never going to see them again. Just politely say "she's only 8 months old" and then watch their faces when they turn to amazement. Lighten up a lot! Every parent I know has received unsolicited advice.