I really want to start trying to have a baby, but my husband is terrified.?

Question

We have been together for three years and my doctor has suggested I have children right now or forget about it and adopt. We both really want to have children but my husband says he wont be reald until, "some day". He will not give me any answers one way or the other and I am so frusterated. I could never lie to him and go off my birth control. What do I do?

Answer 1

Yeah dont go off the pill without consulting him, then he would feel trapped. If i were you, i would make him sit down and have a conversation with you. Is he worried b/c you aren't finacally set, have a house? old enough? or just scared to be a parent. which most of us are at first. Well, you also need to talk to your doctor and find out why you can only have kids right now and if you can do anything to expand your timeframe to getting pregnant. I would find out why your husband is feeling the way that he is, and do not let him up until he tells you why. And go from there.

Answer 2

Have you ever heard that if you wait until you have money, a better job, a bigger house, more time, etc etc then you'll never have kids--- There's really no point in putting it off. If for some reason your doctor doesn't think you should try in the future and it's a now or never thing-- then why wait?? If this is something you really want, you need to sit down w/ your husband and explain your point of view-- if kids are not what he wants- it's best that he comes right out and says it, b/c atleast then you know you have to make a choice and you won't be waiting around for when he's ready.

Answer 3

The two of you need to sit down together. Tell him why you are ready for a baby. He needs to respond to you. Period. Until you get some answers from him you may never understand his point of view. Ask him (don't nag). And tell him why it's so important that you have a baby, especially now. He needs to know how much it matters to you. He should also know that love is about making sacrifices sometimes...and this time might be once such time he makes that sacrifice.
It's good that you don't want to lie or stop your birth control because that could create serious marital problems if you end up pregnant without any warning. It could cause him to lose trust in you and that's a hard thing to gain back.
Bottom line, is the two of you need to talk together and work together on this.

Answer 4

notyou311 out of all that i have read so far has the best answer,
though a lot of other thoughts were entertained, 311 hit the mark because this is a situation that both of you will have to live with for at least 18 years. once the process is started there is no going back. there must be a reason why he is not willing to commit, and that is what i would want to know through a marriage
counselor. and as others have stated the ages would have been helpful and you monetary status.

Answer 5

I don't know why your doctor would tell you to have them now or forget it. if you can have them now you can have them later. If he is not ready then you should respect his feelings on this. Do you want to have a baby and he not want one . Not a good ideal. You could end up being a single parent. If you both can not come to agree that a baby would be good for both then have to have one is not good enough. If you did go behind his back an get pregnant. He could leave you you need to really think about this a baby involves two WILLING PARTNERS.

Answer 6

If your husband is waiting until the day he can afford it, your never gonna have kids. But it really sounds like he just dont want kids and doesnt want to admit it to you. Maybe he just dont want to share you with anyone else and that is why he keeps putting it off. Talk to him and ask him WHY he wants to wait until SOMEDAY. Dont let him get a way with lame and cheap excuses. You have aright to know. It is/will be your child too. Especially since it is you and not him carrying the child and most likely the one to take care of it. If you do go off the pill with out telling him, what's he gonna do after you get pregnant? He cant kill it, thats murder. Then he goes to jail. I dont think he'd go that far. Most men wont, and if he would than he's not the one you should be with anyway.

Answer 7

try and explain to him why it is important to you... but it also might be that he is scared of being a father that he wouldnt be good enough for some reason( if there is a reason find out and maybe try to show him that he would be an awsome dad) try seeing if there is any family planing coarses in the area that you could attend for information or even try taking him by little league games or parks and just start droping hints (sometimes anoying them into submission works but dont push him to far ;) _

good luck i hope some of these help

Answer 8

My husband also said that before we had kids he still says he is scared but he is the happiest man with his family. Tell him it is an experience of a lifetime not another one like it. He will always probably be scared but if he loves you and you love him it is the ultimate symbol of the love and bond only you two share. You can be scared and excited together! Good Luck!

Answer 9

Compromise. Ask him if you can go off the pill for a month and see what happens (of course having sex like normal). That's the compromise my husband and I came up with and now I'm 4 weeks pregnant.

Answer 10

you really need to talk to him. you didn't mention your age, or why your doctor told you to have kids now or never. if you are a younger couple, that's probably why your husband is freaking out. it sounds like your husband may not "really" want kids like you thought. you are right not to go off your pill, because that might send him packing! never lie about something like that. i think you two just need to talk. ask him what he's afraid of.