When my parents split up, the night my mom left she told me to make sure my dad didn't kill himself?

Question

I was maybe 13 or 14 and from my room I could hear him in his closet where he keeps his guns, I went in and I didn't know what to say, he was wearing his jersey gloves and he had all the guns out of the safe, maybe 10 or 12, and nothing happened, but I think that it may have affected me in some ways? I was just a kid, I shouldn't have had such huge problems, now I'm sad, so what's the cure?

Answer 1

You were subjected to a terrible situation and observed what could have been traumatic. You need to seek counseling; there are a number of things going on with you, and as much as people want to be helpful and empathetic, your problem can not be solved on an answer board. Only professional help will get you where you need to be. Seek help now, and good luck to you.

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Answer 2

First of all, I am sorry that you had to go through that. If your dad had suicidal thoughts, there is nothing that your actions could have done to stop that, and your mother should have known better than to make you try to assume responsibility for such a heavy burden. He may just as well have been harboring homocidal ideations, or most likely was cleaning his guns to take his mind off what was happening. What screwed you up wasn't the potential for your father's suicide but your mother's misplacing responsibility... if she was really worried, she should've tended to him or called your community bureau of mental health.

That said, if your depression is due in part (most likely not totally, but perhaps) to the aforementioned event, you should seek counseling for the matter. Actually, you should seek counseling no matter what the cause for depression is. There is no quick cure, but you may be referred to a psychiatrist so that you can take antidepressant medication, and your counselor should help you sort through any issues you may have, including the parental separation. Good luck.

Answer 3

Please seek help from a therapist.

The truth is, your parents, while they love you, abused you. They laid their problems on you. Your mom knew your dad well enough to be worried that he might be sad and depressed enough to hurt himself when she left, but she felt she had to go. She should never have laid such a burden on you, a youngster. Your dad did not hurt himself, he looked at the guns to assure himself that he had a way to end the pain if he needed it. I know because I do that myself, sometimes every day. Then he decided he could bear the pain and go on. He affirmed life. He chose not to end his suffering. He loved you enough to live with excruciating pain, at least in part because of you and your needs..

You should not have been put in that postion, but you were. To deal with it, you need to integrate this experience. You did not deserve this, but your father didn't hurt himself, but you feared that he would. You both survived. It affected you because you, as a child, found yourself responsible for your father at your mother's direction. While misguided and causing you distress, it ended up ok. To heal now, think about the pain both your parents were suffering, think how they were both hurt and regressed to being child-like. Think about how you have grown, think about how eveyone has pain and that we are all only human... that we make mistakes, but that you are strong and capable and that you understand their pain, that they never meant to cause you harm.

Best I can suggest!

Answer 4

I'm sorry for your pain...that really was cruel and unfair of your mom to put that burden on your shoulders...it was not your responsibility to be the overseer of your dad's emotional well being at that age...there are many of us that can say the same thing...it really sucks to have to grow up in a dysfunctional home having the joy of life stolen from you...but don't give up...you can reclaim your joy...it's a process but you can have victory.

Answer 5

If your mother had been thinking correctly she wouldn't have said that, but blaming her does no good. Kids have cancer, kids have diabetes, kids are beaten and abused daily, kids have many things in their lives that they should not have to deal with, poverty, alienation, fear, hunger, and there is little we can do to change it, besides not fostering its continuation. The ones who 'overcome' circumstances are the strongest people in our society and will be the backbone of our world when the time comes. It is up to us, individually, to decide what our reaction will be to any circumstance. Choose to face it, live with it, overcome it, every day, every minute if necessary, until it is part of who you are and what you will be proud to call a part of your strength and character.

Answer 6

Your mom was wrong to load that kind of responsibility in that situation. If she had suspected that your father was going to take his life, she should have called the proper authorities, not put a child in charge.

The best thing to do is to talk it out with someone who is certified to give advice and help. Talk to your parents, let them know that you need professional help and I'm sure they'll do what they can for you.

Good luck!!!

Answer 7

That's a rough spot. I've been there myself, with both my parents. I resent how quickly my childhood was lost. There is nothing you can do about it. Realize that it was a very dark time in your dad's life and he was feeling hopeless. He didn't do it though, so have gratitude about that. Get counseling to find out if you are depressed.

Answer 8

From what I know your mother was using you as a crutch. It was wrong of her to put that much pressure on a teenager. Your father may hve been simply taking stock of what is his. You should tralk to both of them and straighten out this mess.

Answer 9

Maybe u should see a therapist, if you think it affected u in some way. And if your extremely sad and they think you need a boost they might recommend medication.

Answer 10

seriously something was wrong with ur mom cause u were too young to deal with all that stress. u should see a therapist. they really can work wonders. good luck!!!!!!!!!!! :o]