I have this problem: my mom originally approved my boyfriend, who is of another nationality (korean). However, now my mom is having second thoughts (possibly influenced by others). She says korean men are all egotistic about their male gender and will dominate the household and make the wife do everything. She keeps talking about the culture from WAY BACK. I explained that time has changed, and every country had the "male over female" thing at one time. My boyfriend is actually really nice and sweet. He met my parents twice so far and has been very polite to them (even bought my mom a dozen of roses). I haven't told him the problem (it actually just came up today) but I know he'd be hurt. How do I convince my mom? The only problem is because he's not where I'm from. And they can't communicate since my parents can't speak english. I'm kinda hurt my mom thinks this way. I don't really know what to do. Any advice?
2007-03-06 12:17:30 · 10 answers · asked by carrina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So far I think you are handling it very well. Tell them that what people did in the past is the past but let them know how much you respect and love them for their care and concern and be reassuring that your boyfriend is nothing like what she is describing.
Let her know if for any reason that he start to act like what she is describing that you will stop the relationship immediately. Let your boyfriend know that you care so much about him and want him to know that people have been telling your parents wrong things about mens attitudes and that you will both have to show them that they are not true. good luck
2007-03-06 12:31:38 · answer #1 · answered by hopefloats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a similar thing. My girlfriend at the time was from Cambodia. Her family are refugees from the Khmer Rouge where a lot of her people were executed for having more than a 5th grade education.
So my dad met her, and kept telling his friends that he didn't want a Chinese grand kid.
Well, I just kept bringing her to the family events and it became accepted that she would be my wife.
We just celebrated our 2nd year Anniversary and our first "Chinese" kid is due in less than 2 weeks.
To add a little flavor, we gave our upcoming son the name of my dad's father.
2007-03-06 12:27:18 · answer #2 · answered by khanofali 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the moment, I would just keep this between you and your mom. No need for the bf to have to deal with any of this at this point. I would just continue to reassure your mom that this guy isn't going to treat you like a slave. Be sure to tell her that you understand her concerns, but you really feel this guy is someone special. She should understand that....if not you may need to warn her that it could jeopardize the quality of your relationship with her....hope this helps a little.
2007-03-06 12:24:47 · answer #3 · answered by idog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is right, sorry. They are also hard working, good people as well. Culture is culture.. sorry to say... it can be modified from having lived in other cultures, but you cant change the nature of a person....so, rather..who cares, this is your life.. it it so important that your mother likes or dislikes you boyfriend. Is she paying his bills?
2007-03-06 12:24:59 · answer #4 · answered by Che K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents can't speak English and they are being judgmental about somebody else? If this guy makes you happy then keep dating him. You will really regret it if you let your Mom ruin a good relationship. It reminds me of my Dad, he's half-Hungarian and half-Spanish, yet would throw a fit if my sisters or I dated anyone who wasn't white!
2007-03-06 12:23:29 · answer #5 · answered by nimo22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you feel hurt. Your mom is just trying to protect you. sometimes parents are right and sometimes they're not. Prove her wrong and I'm sure she'll change her mind. Respect your parents. They love you and raised you and you are the way you are because of them.
2007-03-06 12:24:43 · answer #6 · answered by VW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother was like that until she drov ehim complketely away. The fact is this is freakin American, modern day even, and you need to stay with what you feel is right! If your parents cant even speak english, than you need to tell them that theyre! old fasioned!
2007-03-06 12:23:24 · answer #7 · answered by Dez K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your mom and explain he is different. if that does not get through just tell her that you understand why she thinks what she think but that you know he different and that she will eventually see that too. just tell her to give him a chance and if she sees anything that she thinks is not ok in reference to his action tell her to tell you. if hes a good guy shes going to see it sooner or later. it is just a matter of time. parents are just parents and want the best.
2007-03-06 12:23:55 · answer #8 · answered by Jaime 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your age so it's hard to say.
If your parents don't speak english, they probably won't like any boy you bring home unless he speaks their language.
Good luck and don't settle.
2007-03-06 12:21:38 · answer #9 · answered by whatsupppppp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your old enough, leave! Just like run away!
2007-03-06 12:23:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋