Any advice welcomed?

Question

4 weeks ago i collapsed with an ectopic pregnancy and lost the baby and i just cant get past feeling guilty. I know there was nothing I could do to prevent it this happening. I also cant get past the fact that i saw my baby and his heartbeat on the scan (i am convinced i was having a boy) - i close my eyes to go to sleep and i see him in the scan and i keep thinking why did this have to happen to me - i see babies everywhere and it seems everyone i know is either pregnant or just had a baby and i am so jealous to the point i cant speak to them - is this normal???

If anyone has any advice i would really appreciate it because i am so depressed and cant see things clearly just now

Sorry, i should have said that i have called the samaritans a few times and spoken to my mum about it alot but she is as upset about the baby as me

Answer 1

i think you should go to the doctor maybe get a little counselling to grieve for your loss
maybe your baby didn't make to the world but he was still your baby and you have lost someone that you loved your mourning and its totally natural to be feeling like this
i wouldn't get to down though get out there go places meet people take your mind off it you will get there i promise. keep speaking to your mum it might help.
i know some might think this is silly but why don't you have a little private goodbye for your son (now you can't have a proper funeral type thing) but just a little private place to go where you can remember him by maybe plant a little flower somewhere or in the garden.

good luck sweetheart chin up you'll be ok

Answer 2

Your depression is understood. My wife and I lost two babies, and we love them as much as our other 4 children. The loss was overwhelming.

First of all, you really need to stop feeling guilty. Guilt is appropriate if you do something with the intent to hurt. You obviously love your child and would have never done something like this intentionally. So, for that reason, don't blame yourself.

I think the best thing you can do is get a close friend, one who won't have all the answers, and will just let you talk...let you get your feelings out. My wife and I both spent a lot of time talking to each other and to a close friend...it really helped.

And it may take some time to heal...that is ok. A close friend may be the only person you can talk to on an ongoing basis until you are feeling healed.

My heart goes out to you.

Answer 3

I think that it is lovely that you loved your unborn baby so much - to see him every night is a blessing, and you should never forget him.

Feeling jealous is ok - and natural - all the pain we feel when we lose sum1 we love is our proof that we loved them.

You and your Mum should spend lots of time together, and talking to the samaritans and other good sources will help you immensly.

There will be another baby for you, sum1 like you with so much love to give deserves to have another baby.

And why do you feel guilty ? these things are beyond our control - you loved that baby - and you wanted it - there is no call for guilt, sorrow yes - but guilt - no way.

I feel for you and wish that i cld say something to take away your pain , but of course there isnt any words that can do that,

All the best to you, and i wish lots and lots of strength to you * *

Answer 4

After a trauma like this I think it is VITAL that you talk and talk and talk again about it. There's nothing worse than being shut in your own head with your own thoughts. Sadly, when bad things happen we can expect to suffer. Most people at some time in their life will think 'why me?', I know I have. Life is a mix of good and bad and it always helped me to think that I was having my share of bad so there would be good in the future, stands to reason. You don't need strength to get through things. Just wait, time passes, you're through it.

Answer 5

I'm sorry for your loss.
You need to see a doctor, it sounds like you are suffering depression brought on by a traumatic event. If your family are struggling so much then they will find it hard to provide an effective support network and there are professionals who can help you properly.
Feelings like this are not uncommon in women who have been through what you have, but the longer you leave it before you get help, the harder it will be to help you.
Please see your doc, he can suggest appropriate counselling and, if you agree, may want to give you medication.
No one can solve this for you, but by getting help you can equip yourself to come to terms with this.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. everything happens for a reason. its easy to say but look at it this way; I'm not sure if you believe in God but He knows how much you would have loved that child but then He knows best and i know He would replace that child with others and with numerous other blessings. please stay strong and tell your mum to do the same. you will come out good. try to take your mind of it and get all the support you might need from friends. email me if you need to talk/type more.

Answer 7

I do not know if you frequent your church or not. But, maybe a little bit of time and prayer to yourself with your local vicar/priest may help.
By your words you are really down and miserable and feel so unloved.
As the above people have said, talk to your doctor, he/she is there and will help you in this time of your despair.
My heart goes out to you in this time of your loss.
Please do as the above ask.
My love and sorrow to you at your loss.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

its normal...
my mom lost her baby boy last year in april...
i know how you feel cause everyone was waiting for the baby but you have to understand that everything happens for a reason..
well i came to the point where i hated people that had little babies...
it is normal...
just pray....
you will be better!!!!

Answer 10

That's such a shame...you must be feeling low... Keep your chin up, your sorrow will lessen over time...I agree with Pinky you should seek Councelling, go to your Doc and explain and he wil put you on to a Councellor...In the mean time try and focus your mind on the future and other things, keep yourself busy...Best of luck..x