My fiancee is hot tempered, bossy, and controlling. My mom is old, grouchy, and controlling. Both of them live with me and are constantly arguing. My mom is my dependent and partially disabled. My fiancee is fed up and says it's time for me to choose: her or my mom. I don't think I'm a momma's boy, but how is it "manly" or "mature" of me to kick my mom out when she is ill and on a fixed income?
2007-03-06 10:00:05 · 40 answers · asked by Masqueraede 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
1. Dump your fiancee. Do you really want to marry your mother? Sounds like you're going to.
2. Is your mother your LEGAL dependent? Or do you feel you have a moral obligation to her? Two very different things. If a legal dependent, you had better find out what steps you can take to loosen your mother's grip on you without running into legal trouble. If a moral dependent, it's time to start making phone calls to state agencies/charities/self help groups, etc., to find out how other people can start taking some of the load of your mother off of you. You say she is "partially" disabled, anyway--does she really need you around 24/7/365? If Mom is truly capable of getting along OK on her own much more than she's allowing, it may be time to cut the apron strings.
If I were you, I'd want to be free of both Mom and Fiancee, and find myself a quieter, less stressful, less demanding wife/life.
2007-03-06 10:17:08 · answer #1 · answered by katbyrd41 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are between two walls, and you do not know what to do about it? First of all, if your Mom, is sick and needs your help as she cannot live alone, than you should tell your Fiancee, that your Mother comes first, and if she does not have any pity for her, then tell her to move out, because you cannot or will not leave your Mother alone, to fend for herself. your Fiancee sounds like a very domineering woman and will not see eye to eye with you, on anything, because she only thinks of herself and no one else. If she is showing that she does not care about where your Mother is going to live even though she knows that she is ill, than what you should do is tell your Fiancee to pack her bags because your Mother as you see it will come first with you. I wish you the best and I hope that you will be a good son and will be there for your Mother.
2007-03-10 18:08:01 · answer #2 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame your fiancee for being a total b@#! I'm sorry about you mom and I think it's very sweet to do what you're doing, but here's REALITY....don't plan on having a significant other if you plan on having your mom under the same roof. I would NOT like that at all! If you want a woman and want to take care of your mom, get her another house built yours or an add on or something. A relationship and a mom cannot be under the same roof. That just doesn't work out. I wouldn't want it and I'm sure plenty of girls wouldn't want that either.
2007-03-06 15:30:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are alike this is why they do not get along and you love them both. They are both strong woman and both want control. I would have a talk with your mom and tell her she needs to bite her tongue when it come to your fiancee and relationship. Your fiancee also needs to realize that she was aware of your mom living situation and needs to deal with it. She also needs to let some stuff go and show your mom some respect. Kicking your mom out in no way makes you a man. You will later resent who ever makes you choose. Woman come and go but we only are given one set of parents. My mother in law is no bargain but, for my husband and the sake of my marriage I smile and say very little.
2007-03-13 03:56:01 · answer #4 · answered by Kat G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are able to care for your mother than you should. If you give into your fiancee on this issue you will never win another battle never mind the war. Your fiancee is looking to control you, if you back down on such an important issue she may let you win an argument only because she has a bigger battle she wants to win. Your fiancee shouldn't make you choose.
2007-03-13 21:39:54 · answer #5 · answered by ugcj10 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no choice in there, Be a man and do the right thing and say good bye the fiancee. Your mother gave you everything, Your mother took care of you. Now the tables have turned and it is your turn to take care of your mother. Or have you thought of a nursing home for your mom at some point . Either way ditch the girl......
2007-03-06 10:06:21 · answer #6 · answered by sassy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have a Mother-in-law who is 87, partially blind, and refuses to go anywhere but home. True she doesn't live with me, but it hasn't been pure roses over 33 years. I would never try to put her into a home, nor would I let my husband.
She has given a lot of herself over the years. It is a way to pay her back.
ask the girl, if it was HER mother would she want you to throw her out? Let her know you understand, and let your Mom know the both of you need a little space. Take your girl out, and spend an evening with her alone. That's what she wants the most, she feels 2nd best. When you hear your Mom blowing off steam, get in between them, if your Mom is wrong tell her. It will bite, but she will start thinking before she starts mouthing.
2007-03-06 10:12:16 · answer #7 · answered by spiritwalker 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No one should ever tell you to choose, if they cant handle it they should just leave especially if they love you, you need to decide what is really the right thing for you to do, because you know who is really the problem and if you dont fix it how will you ever be truely happy because if the problem is your mom you will have this problem again with another woman you may fall in love with in your future, and as for your fiancee if shes bossy and controlling and told you to choose is she really the woman you want to spend your life with. you need to really think about this, because only you know whats the right thing to do for you, good luck.
2007-03-13 22:34:11 · answer #8 · answered by CHRISTINA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly if you end up marrying your fiancee, this conflict is going to come up again. There is no right answer to this question. It sounds to me like your fiancee is rude to even think of kicking your mom out. She is forcing you to make a choice that you really don't want to make. If you like her for the way she is then that is fine by me. But, I personally think that she should leave.
2007-03-06 10:08:18 · answer #9 · answered by Maddie 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It isn't, I could see your fiance demanding that your mother moves out if and only if your mother was not ailing. It is your fiance who has to make a choice not you be the loving son that you are, but on the other hand if you don't always agree with your mother and your fiancee is talking grief from her and you agree with your fiancee, then you are a putz for not defending your fiancee
2007-03-06 13:42:54 · answer #10 · answered by Marla D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋