Need my 14 yr old to work to the best of her ability/ Take pride in work?

Question

I am very new to the forum and I was hoping someone could help me. I am at a loss on how to get my Teen Daughter to take pride in her work and work to the best of her ability. She seems to give the minumum effort to her projects and it is a huge frustration to myself and the other moms in our Home School co-op. I know she can do the work, I have seen good things every once in a while. But if it is something she doesn't particularly like she won't give it any effort at all. In the real world and closer yet, it college, she will be asked to do projects and reports on themes she doesn't particularly like. I feel it is important for her to understand that she needs to give her best effort in all circumstances.
Any help would be appreciated!

Answer 1

Hi! I've been homeschooling my daughter for two years now & I know something about dealing with this problem. The only way you can get your daughter to take pride in her work is to make sure that it is her work. By that, I mean that regurgitation of facts is not enough, (nobody likes to throw up). If all my daughter does is give me facts, I tell her not to put her name on it. Don't tell me about a zebra. Tell me what it's like to be a zebra. Don't tell me the results of a battle. Describe it to me. Don't make me give you a math problem. You give one to me. That tells me what you need help on & we can work on it together. If you misspell it on a writing asignment, it will be on your spelling list. The homeschooling process should be student driven. I think you're working too hard. Empower her to do the work. Then, she will own it, learn it - take pride in it.

Answer 2

Well, you can't make her take pride, and you certainly can't shame her into it (for whomever said that you should point out how disappointed you are) The fact is, that you could let her decide HOW to learn about things, and what kind of projects and papers she does, rather than saying 'we're studying THIS, and you have to do an oral report', or 'tell me x, y and z about this topic'

And you know what? It's not precisely true that she'll HAVE to do things she doesn't like as an adult. There are choices every person makes, and even adults who do projects they don't like have a choice to do it or not. If they want to keep their job, they'll do it. If not, they'll find another job. In college, kids get to choose which classes they want within the requirements. By letting her have more choices now, you are opening up her ability to suck it up when she faces something more difficult. Every person deserves the right to make choices, even about learning and about failing.

And I just have to add, who the heck cares about the other moms in the co-op?! You can't make all your life choices, or help your daughter make good choices when the well-wishes of other people are being taken into consideration. You might as well send her to public schools and let THEM tell you what she should be learning and telling you how disappointed THEY are.

Answer 3

just make sure that when she does do well that u show her that u are very proud of her. i guess no teen really want to study all the time, but just dont set your expectaions high like always get A's because thats too much pressure. i would say a C and higher is good and anything under that tell her that u think she can do better. dont yell at her just sound dissapointed and give her a disapointed look there is nothing more powerful then the feeling of disapointement or at least it works that way for me. i dont know if this helps any but good luck!

Answer 4

svivesen spoke the truth to you. It's tough, but YOU cannot be her motivation, because as you pointed out, life without you awaits her.
I have a 14 yr. old and I feel your pain, lol. It's tough when you know your child is capable of doing more, but they won't.
In addition to allowing her to fail, perhaps you should also find out why she doesn't seem to care. Are these co-op classes ones she wanted to take, or ones you wanted her to take? Is the poor work in subjects she does not like? Something else to consider is maybe she does not want to be homeschooled anymore and she doesn't know how to talk to you. that's a biggie, I know, but maybe you need to sit down and talk with your daughter. Talk WITH, meaning listen to what she says without judgment or criticism.
for my daughter, it took a goal. She didn't have a goal in her life, and now she does. Her work has increased dramatically, she works independently and knocks her projects out of the ball park. Her GPA continues to steadily increase.
Maybe your daughter just needs to feel as though she is working toward something.
Teenagers can be complicated, but only if you're not listening.

Answer 5

don't you remember being 14 and not loving a certain subject mine was history and i would do just enough to get by. every kid is like that with 1 or 2 subjects. You need to accept that your kid might not be a straight A student in all subjects most aren't and maybe give up the teaching of that subject to someone else so she doesn't feel pressured from you and the other person might have a different view of that subject.

Answer 6

If she's not motived because she's not interested, then make her interested. Find creative ways to apply what she's supposed to be learning to her areas of interest, and ways she's good at and enjoys.

In later life, why would she be asked to do projects or reports on subjects she doesn't like? Nobody will do very well at university in a department they aren't interested in, or enjoy a job they don't care about.

Answer 7

Let her be a slacker and let her fail without hovering and fussing at her. Tell her once that you are disappointed in her effort and you believe she is capable of more. Then back off.

The best way for her to understand the importance of giving her best effort is to let her suffer the consequences of not doing so. Hard for today's involved parents to do this, but it is an important life lesson.

If you want to be particularly hard-nosed about it, let her be a disappointment, get the resulting grade, then restrict a favorite activity because "she has proven that she is not mature enough to have earned that right, and she'll have to earn it back."

Good luck.

Answer 8

take it from me I'm a 14 year old as well , if i find it boring or cant do anything fun with the subject i do the medium effort , not meaning i dint try or care , . BUT if its a fun topic or project ect. yeah i go overboard a little with it but my parents say its a stage I'll grow outa it so i dunno only time will tell

Answer 9

i am 14... and maybe its best she go to public school... because who cares what grade your mom gives you??