Do you think it would be *wrong* to have another child in our situation?

Question

My husband and I are 22, happily married, and have a 24 month old daughter. We both really enjoy being parents, and know we want probably 3 more children. We also know that we dont want them to be too far in age. My husband has a career that he loves that still leaves him plenty of family time, and I am self-employed and stay at home with our daughter. Our daughter is well cared for and loved, and we really want to start trying for a second child, and know that it could happen right away, or take quite a while. The trouble is, we dont make a lot of money. We live in an apartment. We cant afford a house, or new cars, but the vehicles we have are in great shape. Our utilities have never been shut off, and we always have plenty of food. We know having another child wouldnt cost us a whole lot. I breastfed my daughter for a year, and would do the same. We also have big families, and 90% of our daughter's wardrobe comes/came from babyshower/b-day/xmas presents.

Would you consider it unwise for us to try for another child? Growing up with 5 brothers, I was a "poor kid", and it never bothered me. I was well taken care of and loved, and I beleive I turned out ok. My parents are now done raising kids, make a lot of money, and still have enough life to enjoy as a couple and as grandparents. We want the same thing. Is it wrong to have kids before you are doing "well" financially?

Oh, our first daughter wasnt planned. But now we feel like we want to TRY for a child, and be able to really enjoy it. What do you think??? Thanks!

Answer 1

i think your are doing great and should try for another child you are more concerned about the things that matter like family time than being rich no one has ever said you need a house and new car to be a good parent although if you want at least 3 more you'll probably need a bigger place eventually but i am assuming as your husband puts in more time he'll get a raise and stuff :D good luck

Answer 2

you sound articulate, you've obviously been giving some tought to it, you are both responsible, your kids would be well cared for, I don't see why not. Most of the families in the whole world live with much less than you have. The definition of "poor" you are using is bizarre. I live in a third world country when a stay at home mom in a family with two cars and a husband with a good job who can provide would be considered middle class at least.
You can very well raise another. Oh, congratulations on breastfeeding, that's the best thing you can do for your child.

Answer 3

It sounds to me the two of you have a solid foundation and a good head on your shoulders. You are articulate and have 24 months of experience that should direct your decision.

If I were in your position, I would certainly have another child. If you were able to conceive now, you would have a comfortable span of approximately 3 years for your children.

My husband and I have shared a vehicle for 2 years in order to keep our finances comfortable. We've managed to sock away $7000 this way. Enough to pay for our living expenses if something should happen to our income temporarily. Take a look at your budget and see how you can begin to build an emergency fund while your trying for a new baby. This should help you alleviate any worry you may have regarding financial "what-ifs".

Best of luck and may your love continue to run strong!

Answer 4

It is up to you and your husband. You don't need the worlds approval for you and your husband to bring another baby into this world. My husband and I weren't financially ready when we had our kids either, we aren't poor but we aren't rich... pretty much the same boat that a lot of young couples are in. We had all 3 of our children before I was 24... it was hard but we did it. I am now 27 and back to work full time but it works for us and it is what we wanted. If that is what you guys want and are ready to handle it all again, then go for it.

I only have a problem with women that keep popping out kids and use the kids to get free money and live off of us. That makes me mad... but for a loving couple that actually want and will support another baby then go for it. Best of luck to you and your family!

Answer 5

I say, go for it guys. You both seem like level-headed people and whilst you're not rolling in money, you both are well able to support another child...

Your parents may have been cash poor when you were a child but, because of the love they bestowed upon you and your siblings and the fact that you never went without, you were never aware of it and I think that's awesome....so, as you well know, there's more to raising children than how much money you have in the bank.

Answer 6

I have three boys, aged 2 1/2, 1 1/2 and 4 months. I can tell you that it is extremely difficult having so many children so close together. It is also extremely rewarding. You need to make sure that you are emotionally capable of handling small children who are closely spaced. It also will help tremendously to have in place, whether it be through family, friends or some sort of child care program (Mother's Day Out, etc.) a very strong, reliable support network.

You must be realistic about your career. Take the time you have to devote to your stay-at-home job now and slash it in half. Then slash that amount in half again each time you add another child to the mix. You can count on having zero time at least until the bulk of your children have started school.

It will not all be sunshine and puppies once your second is born, either. Your little girl may be excited about the birth of a new sibling, but there will be some adjustment issues of some type at some point. She may want to go back to the bottle or breast, start throwing tantrums, stop sleeping through the night, insist that she sleep with you and your husband, she may regress in her speech or potty training. It's a big adjustment for a child so young to gain (or lose) a family member. There are tons of great things you can do to help prepare her, including giving her lots of extra time and hugs, but the transition will not be seamless. Be prepared for that.

Also, your daughter will not get as much attention from you. I can tell you that the transition from one child to two was much more difficult than that of two to three. Your little girl will have to learn to share you and your affections. You will have to learn to split your time between the two children so that your newborn gets adequate care and your older child gets enough attention so as not to make her feel left out or resentful toward the new baby. Also, the time you have available to spend with your husband will lessen, as well. You both will be extra sleep-deprived with the arrival of baby number two, and you will miss each other. Expect some fights. No matter how great your marriage is, they will occur.

And, you will be TIRED. I was exhausted during my first pregnancy and convinced that I could not possibly become any more tired. Then my son was born and again I was convinced that I had reached the highest level of tired known to man. Then I got pregnant while still having a newborn in the house and became even MORE tired. Then baby number two was born and, behold, a new level of exhaustion hit. Repeat with pregnancy and baby number three. Now I'm left a drooling, slobbering mess of a zombie most days.

I do things like prepare bottles and meals on auto pilot. I fall asleep while doing things such as feeding the baby or using the toilet. My life has been consumed by things like diapers, laundry and well-baby visits. Making dinner, which used to be a pleasurable activity for me has turned into a chore I dread having to do. Also, the fancy-pants. nutritionally complete meals I once lovingly and pridefully prepared for my family have been scaled down and usually end up being whatever is in the cabinet that isn't expired and can be prepared in under 20 minutes. Dinner has started to taste worse and worse with each child I have. Luckily, I am too tired to care.

I have no time to myself. I manage a 45 second scrub down in the shower once every other day or so where I am able to wash the important parts (read: the ones most likely to smell if left unattended). I wash my hair once a week. Twice if it's been a darn good week.

Life is hard with kids so close in age, especially when they are so young. That being said, there are really great things about this type of situation. Your kids will be close, and I mean close. They will do everything and go everywhere together. They will be each other's best friends (and worst enemies) and they will learn to rely on each other for everything. They will learn to share. They will keep each other entertained, quite often by torturing one another, but they will be entertained none the less. I think kids who have siblings are more socially adept than single kids or kids whose siblings are widely spaced. You will get attention everywhere you go. People will talk to you. People will talk to your kids. Your kids will adore the attention, and even though it may get on your nerves when you're in a hurry, so will you.

I wouldn't worry so much about the financial strain. Yes, kids are expensive, but in some ways how much they cost is up to you. Are you satisfied with well-kept hand-me-downs or must all clothing and toys be brand new? Is clothing from Target or end-of-season sales acceptable or do you prefer designer clothes that are at the height of baby fashion? Are organic, flash-frozen at the peak of freshness green beans a must in your kitchen or will store brand canned beans suffice? You can cut corners all over the place and never really notice the difference. If that's ok with you, the financial strain won't be quite as bad.

If your marriage can take it and you're sure you're sane enough to handle it, I say go for it. It isn't a scenario that is right for all families and all parents, but if it's what you choose and want, and it works for you, it's pretty great all around.

Hope that helps!

Answer 7

If you want another, go for it! You sound like very caring and good parents. It's not all about money! And it sounds as though you have that covered anyway. Who cares about new cars and fancy things? Certainly not your children. I think you are right in thinking that children should be somewhat close in age, it has worked out well for my family so far :) Good luck!

Answer 8

good parenthood doesn't have too much to do with money, and you sound like good folk. I wouldn't see a problem with another baby if its what you both really want and are really committed to.

what is unethical is having more than two (replacement rate) in a world where most other species are disappearing and people are fighting wars over dwindling supplies of water, food, fuel and land because there are too many of us and not enough planet. I hope you'll reconsider having so many.

Answer 9

im sorta in your situation. although im not getting married till next year and my baby is still in the womb. but i want what you do another kid a few months after my wedding and im not rich. i don't think its wrong as long as the kid you have now is being properly cared for and you think you can take care of a second. i say go for it. besides, the governments there they will help out thats if your in Australia.

Answer 10

i would say go ahead and start trying. most people wont ever be able to be finacially stable (owning the cars, the houses, and lots of money to spend) it is not wrong, just make sure you can support the next child even if its tight. i mean how many people accidently have babies and can not afford them, and do just fine. you figure out ways to make everything work.