How do you cope with really annoying housmates?

Question

Especially when they are my husbands brother and his brothers wife and child. She leaves the house messy all the time, raw meat uncovered in the fridge, washing machine constantly full of wet washing etc etc. She is a housewife and home all day and I work a 60 week then have to come home and clean. We asked her really nicely to "try a bit harder" but nothing's changed. Does any one have any suggestions?

My brother in law can't afford a decent place for his family unless they stay with us so it's really hard to get rid of them:)

My Husband and I rent the house and they came to live with us, my sister in law does not contribute financially and my brother in law is constantly in arrears with the money he agreed to pay us as he is on a low income. Also the situation with her leaving raw meat uncovered in the fridge has on a number of occasions left us all sick including her 10 month old baby.

Answer 1

Are you living in her house, is she living in yours, or is it jointly owned/rented? If its your house, I would say she should try to follow your rules, or find somewhere else to live. If it's her house, you'll have to learn to live with it, or move out. If you all own or rent it jointly, I would suggest drawing up a job rota, so everyone does a share. If you work long hours & she doesn't, it seems only fair that she should do more housework than you & you should only be responsible for clearing up your own stuff. Are you making a martyr of yourself by coming home & cleaning? Perhaps you need to get some books on assertiveness. The trouble is that people's standards are different & you may not be able to cope with mess that other people can ignore or accept, so there may not be an easy answer, if you are the only one that sees the situation as a problem. What does your husband feel? Does he work long hours as well? Could he talk to his brother about it?

Answer 2

Assuming that the house is your family's property, there may be roughly three steps to be taken.

Phase 1
Try to be straight with your brother-in-law and sister-in-law and tell all things which you want to say to them with the presence of your husband and other family members if there are some.
Try to let everybody get everything out of their minds and try to sort them out by setting up a new creed of the house. Try to be soft on each other.

Phase 2
If Phase 1 doesn't work out, move on to Phase 2.
Do you have any senior family members around you? In this kind of problem, it's often better to ask some realistic help to the senior members of your family, like your mother or your husband's mother or someone. Try to get them at your home and have a good serious talk with all the people concerned at your house, presided by the senior.

Phase 3
Sometimes, none of the actions above work. There are occasionally some cheeky people around. If that is the case, you should take the next step:
ONE: go and seek the help of legal treatment. You may ask for some advice from local solicitors or social workers.
TWO: save yourself and your precious people, kick them out or you leave the house. It is better to be mentally healthy rather than staying at a mad house and go crazy.

Answer 3

You need to have a meeting and lay down some ground rules. If this doesn`t work ask them to find somewhere else to live. The council or housing associations could help. I wonder if you are being taken for a ride, seems like they have the best of both worlds--free housing and a housekeeper.
Time for a little tough love.

Answer 4

I used to leave with very annoying housemates, I know that this is not going to help but some people simply dont give a damm...if u talked to them and they didt change at all thab the only thing for u to do is find a place on your own(like I did) or kick them out

Answer 5

maybe your brother in law can see what the local council office has for rent or get a job and try harder finding somewhere, you have been nice enough letting them stay and they clearly do not appreciate it or they would try harder, i have been here with a step brother sharing my house with me and my husband and children he said he had no where else to stay and we offered him a room till he found somewhere but he was quite happy with me doing his washing and cooking etc i had enough in the end and told him to leave, he soon found somewhere when he thought he was going to have to live on the street, try looking on the Internet for housing associations and give them a time scale for when you want them to move out, i know it may be awkward but they cant expect you and your family to put your plans on hold and pamper their whims, try getting your hubby to have a word aswell .good luck

Answer 6

All four of you sit down and talk about some rules you can all live by. Dont single anyone out just say whats expected. And plainly tell them if it is not upheld it will end up causing friction and perhaps destroy the relationship you and your husband have with them.

Answer 7

Dear,
I know it 's hard, but you have to sit them down and give them a time line maybe another month. Tell them that you will help them find a place,but you will need them to be getting a place soon and don't forget to give them a specific date 04/17/2007 no exception! Good luck!

Answer 8

BE straight with them or you will end living on your own wondering what when wrong its so annoyin my brother inlaw lived with me i drove him to the m25 and told him to get out and drove of i have never seen him since and will cringe the day i do. I wished id sat him down and talked to him after all it was my house and he lived nearly 100 miles away he was such sponger i worked hard .

Answer 9

living with relatives never works.my sister in law moved in with us 4 a supposed 2 wks while she moved house,i agreed cos i thought it would cut bills in half..........nooooo!she also has a husky dog which actually ate socks off the radiator and puked them up the next morn.we were left with a huge phone bill and electricity bill and all she offered at the end was 70euro,kick them out and let them sort themselves out

Answer 10

sit down and have a meeting and sort out some house rules if things are not resolved then move out