I left him. How do I stay strong?

Question

You can learn more about my situations by reviewing the questions I have asked in the past. I finally left him, and he keeps on calling but leaves no messages. I am doing pretty good, but it's when I am alone or doing nothing that I start thinking of him, and want to give in to his calls. Please help me on how to maintain strong at this time? It's just not worth going back because he will not change his disrespectful ways.

Pictureshygirl: I understand what you are saying and believe me I try my hardest to be incensitive and listen to him always. But at the same time if he can control his temper and mouth - that is no longer my problem. If he cannot communicate with me in a respectful manner than there is no use. I am not going to tolerate anyone calling me a "stupid *****" or sending me to hell everytime he gets upsets. And on top of that it's not like he puts so much effort in the relationship to make me feel as if he deserves all my attention. It's takes two not just me!!!! It's been 5 days and I am peaceful, and I am keeping it that way. The next person that comes into my life is to compliment it and not complicated!

Answer 1

i would do things to keep myself busy like go out with friends..go shopping things like that..and everytime u start to think about him think about how he treated u....

Answer 2

A chicks cravings for certain types of abusive males generally flows from, not from upbringing, poor parenting or bad fathers, but from the deep dark logic of evolution - these cravings are completely natural for most females

Your evolutionary baggage ingrained in your DNA directs your cravings, and there is not much you can do about it - except maybe to work around the edges and mitigate it here and there

Disrespect for females had distinct evolutionary advantages for males for 3 to 5 million years in terms of genetic survival - with seed spreading males winning the genetic lottery - so the odds you will be continually attracted to similar males along with the usual traits of cheating, controlling behavior, and deception - are very high

The only advice is to: avoid the usual (hopeful but ultimately futile) attempt to have a (rebound) relationship with the typical ( non-controlling, monogamous, sincere) 'nice guy" and thus completely bypass the date and dump the nice guy mode - and think about finding the least worst bad guy that turns the chemistry on for you

The point being is that there are probably different degrees of cheaters and controlling males you might be attracted to - and you should find the one that will do the least damage going forward

Alternatively, as the saying goes " the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know" - and sometimes things have to be analyzed in that context

Answer 3

Keep reading your own posts to remind yourself of why things are the way they are. When you want to call remember what you will lose by calling. You are away and you will start to heal. By going back you will tear open the wounds and have to start over again when things go wrong. You deserve respect and going back isn't going to get you any respect. (from him or yourself)

Keep busy as much as possible. Read, watch movies, listen to music, clean the house. Anything but call him. When you want to call write down what you would say and then tear it up. Or come on here and write everyone here for inspiration.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You did the right thing, DONT GO BACK, the decision has been made and stick on that, going back without him learning what really happened in your relationship doesn't do any good. move on, letting go is the hardest thing, but staying in a relationship that don't work is misery. Instead of giving your energy and time on him why don't you give that to yourself. There's a lot of guys that will treat you well, adn respect you. You will be amazed what love really mean, and how love really work.. God luck

Answer 5

You sound just like I did with my old boy friend I saw him with another girl and he didnt say anything it broke my heart and when my friend confronted him about it he lied I cried when ever I thought of him witch I did alot. It took me 3 whole months to get over him until one day I was sick of feeling sorry for myself and then one night I decided I've cried enough and have to realize he wasnt coming back and I was okay with that and I didnt even want him back in my life. That night I erased his number from my phone and took his picture off my wall kind of funny it took me that long huh? and I said I cant waste so many tears and so much time on hoping he comes back life is too too short and there is to much to let slip through your fingers and I havent been able to cry over him since I've come along way and I cant go back crying to him so my life has changed, I've matured, and I realized there are plenty of fish in the sea....

Hope I could help,
Brittany

P.S. If I couldnt help all that much Indiana has some good advice too hes/she is right stay busy is a good way to get over him too.

Answer 6

Remind yourself why you left him, and that, when you're ready, there are guys out there who will treat you better.

To help you with this, consider writing it down. Draw a line down a piece of paper, and on one side write all the reasons you should get back together with him. On the other, all the reasons you shouldn't. When you find yourself wavering, look at the paper...and notice how much, much, *much* longer the second list is.

And on the other side of the paper, write a list of the friends you can call who will be willing to talk you through an attack of the "what if"s.

You can do better.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I have read the other questions you have posted and am gonna give you my input of things. It appears you are insensitive to your guy. Whenever he comes to you about problems I feel he is doing so as a way of venting. I believe when you give your opinion you are trying to help him, but know that you are not. He needs to know you will be his soft place to fall back on. This does not mean you have to agree with all he says and does, what it means is to just be there for him, be his friend without judgement. Sometimes a man just needs someone to be there for them. Then when he wanted to take you out to celebrate your promotion you canceled out by saying you made plans with your girlfriends. While it is nice to do things with the girls. I feel at special times as your promotion, your guy should have taken priority to your friends. I feel bad for your guy, seems he feels much neglected by you. Hope you come to understand what I am trying to tell you before you lose him. If you love him call him, he is still trying to be with you, and all you are doing is shutting him out. Wish you all the best.

Answer 8

Sorry I have not read your previous questions but I dot believe that I need to. You sound very confident...but please stick to your principle. Life is way too short...and you can always live without a man, but you can't live without dignity.

The best thing in my opinion to keep yourself busy...new people, new love...do not rush into anything...just take your time, let the guys pamper you...or the girls for that matter...just as you deserve, in the meantime, get busy with being with other people...not sexually ..but with others..in general...

Answer 9

Good for you sweetie! Now, when he calls and you want to answer the phone you can either talk to the phone ... like say... @sshole or d*ck and laugh at the ringing phone or you can simply pick up the phone and immediately hang it back up. He will get the message. If he is continuously calling you can call the police for phone harassment.

Answer 10

i'm uncertain there is sufficient suggestion in this difficulty as a results of skipped over reasons for splitting up if it became into for an exceedingly solid reason then you definately ought to concentration on that reason as to stay solid yet while it wasn't and it became into all petty stuff then the two one in all you will possibly be extra desirable purely to artwork it out if there is genuine love there and no abuse sort subjects then why provide all of it up and bear in mind neither you or him are appropriate because of the fact no person is there is often plus and minus in all relationships so it somewhat is you who has to make the alternative yet re-examine all of it because of the fact if the reason became into relatively relatively worth the split then be solid over it and if it wasn't relatively worth it then artwork it out and supply up ignoring what solid issues you think of approximately because of the fact whether that's meant to be and additionally you the two lose something particular you won't ever discover that individual in somebody else and it somewhat is unhappy to finally finally end up lacking somebody you adore as existence is going via the flaws that became into incorrect will look much less significant to you and the flaws that became into applicable will look extra significant to you solid success the two way in case you certainly must be solid concentration on the undesirable element of it and discover different issues to fill the void that has been left on your heart.

Answer 11

Divert your thoughts. Whenever you feel the thought of him creeping into your mind, start singing, pray, grab a book, snap a rubber band around your wrist, yell STOP- do anything to distract yourself from him-- thought of him come to you when you're alone or idle, so keep busy. Being strong isn't easy, but you can do it.