I was engaged during my second year in college and a year later my fiance passed away. It's been years now but I've never forgotten about him and I just recently started to accept the fact that I needed to move on last year (and started dating again too). When I'm talking to guys and they ask about my previous relationships and I bring up my fiance, I always refer to him as "MY FIANCE" and then I explain the what happened. In my mindset, he'll always be my fiance but friends tell me to call him my ex... Is it a big deal? What would you do if you were in my situation?
2007-03-06 08:57:07 · 10 answers · asked by lyla384 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I always explain that he passed. The thing is that my friends are making a big deal out of the fact that I say fiance (even if i explain what happened) instead of refering to him as my Ex. The guys I've been dating understand it pretty well and they don't seem to mind (who knows) but it's my FRIENDS who do mind.
2007-03-06 09:14:03 · update #1
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Second of all, I just wanted to say that your friends shouldn't be telling you to call him "your ex" because it's not fair for you. They don't understand or even come close to being able to comprehend how painful it is to lose someone you love with all of your heart - someone so close that means so much to you. If you don't want to call him your "ex" then don't. Don't even feel bad if you still call him your finance because he still is. Nothing happened that made it so he isn't any more... he just passed away. It doesn't mean that you don't love him any more. You do and probably always will love that man and that's okay. If my boyfriend passed away today, I would still refer to him as my boyfriend. Someday you may feel different though and that's okay too. You most likely will fall in love again with someone else and you might feel bad or even feel like you are betraying your fiance but you aren't. I'm sure, almost 100%, that your fiance would want you to be happy - even if it's not with him. People you date nowadays need to and must accept the fact that this man will always be in your heart and on your mind. Some people's meaning is of "an ex" is an old boyfriend (someone you had a relationship with but ended because it didn't work out) and therefore, with that definition, your fiance is NOT and ex. He is someone that you love (always will, forever and ever) that passed away. That is not an ex. I don't mean to be insulting in any way or discourage you from being happy but I don't think you have moved on yet but that's okay too. You aren't expected to "move on" because moving on means forgetting. You can accept that fact that he's no longer here but you also need to accept the fact that it's okay to be happy again and that your fiance would WANT you to be happy again. I hope this helps you and I hope you have a much happier life. Just keep thinking there are good things that come out of everything that happens. Good luck!!!!
p.s. Talk to your friends and let them know how you feel about this because they may not completely understand what this is doing to you. Losing someone you love is very emotional and sad, many people don't know that. Talk to them, let them know that it bugs you that they are trying to force you to call him your ex.
2007-03-06 09:18:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-07 19:55:32 · answer #2 · answered by Molly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize your situation. I believe from the fact that you are asking this question, you are not ready to move on. Maybe with your life but not with relationships. If you are going to refer to your fiance that's passed away as your fiance and it comes out really naturally, you haven't gotten over it yet. Of course it is hard to not think about him. However; when telling your stories, you should probably let them know that he WAS your fiance that had passed away and will always hold a place in your heart. Who ever you end up with next will just need to accept this. If they don't understand this, then it's I'd suggest you not even give the relationship a chance because if they can't understand the fact that he was still your fiance when he passed, then they are insensitive. Women need a man who can be sensitive to their feelings. Hope I helped somewhat. Good luck.
2007-03-06 09:06:12 · answer #3 · answered by Minty 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow...very sorry that this happened in your life. I would simply say that you were engaged to be married but your fiance passed away. Tell them you took some time to heal and you feel ready for a deep relationship with a caring man. Explain you loved him deeply and the pain was very intense, but you have come to grips with his passing.
2007-03-06 09:01:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure you should refer to him as your fiance anymore especially if you are starting to date again. It could be uncomfortable for your new relationship...I'm sorry for your loss
2007-03-06 09:05:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
its not a big deal but i would still call him ur fiance because you were going to get married and did not break up.
or you could just be a widow.
2007-03-06 09:00:38 · answer #6 · answered by BoSox 007 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
fiance is fine as long as it they know what it means. Im sorry for your loss
2007-03-06 09:00:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is perfectly fine to continue to call him fiance, as this was never requited. I see where this is no different than calling an ex-boyfriend an ex-boyfriend!
2007-03-06 09:01:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I would just move on and forget about it even though you care about him alot.
2007-03-06 09:05:42 · answer #9 · answered by chocolate_luver_96 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
all you should say is well i was with a guy who past away..wait awhile no need to bring it up right away...
2007-03-06 09:00:28 · answer #10 · answered by mommie2005 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋