HISTORY:My boyfriend & I (both 22) have been together for 1&1/2 years. We are committed & trusting despite living over 100mi. apart. We see each other every weekend & talk every day. He takes Adderall for ADHD & was a virgin when we met. The first few months of our sex life were amazing. Nothing lacked.
PROBLEM:His sex drive has all but disappeared. He rarely wants to have sex & when we do I fear it out of a sense of duty on his part. There is no foreplay & the sex itself lasts 5min. tops.
I love him very much & we talk about getting married when he graduates. I want to spend the rest of my life w/ him but I don't know if I can have a sexless life.
I've tried talking to him about it, but I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Its putting a strain on our otherwise perfect relationship.
HELP:Please let me know how important sex rates in your relationship & if I'm overreacting. Also, help me find a way to (gently) tell my boyfriend that there is a problem that needs fixing.
2007-03-06 08:56:10 · 10 answers · asked by notsoswan 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Dimished libido (sex drive) can be a symptom of many problems ... depression, anxiety, a drug (Ritalin?) or other less pleasant possibilities.
The root of the matter is up to you - you have to get it out of him before it takes a toll on your relationship ... and it will. A platonic marriage would be a disaster. You know it, and so does he; although he may NOT be willing to admit it openly.
As long as you are SURE that there is no one else (sorry, somebody had to say it ... :( ) then try different approaches with him.
Good luck.
2007-03-06 09:02:13 · answer #1 · answered by kentata 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sex is as important as it isn't. Which doesn't make alot of sense I know. Has he been taking the adderall since you met or is this a new thing? Because some medications can cause the libido to go all haywire. However you are NOT overreacting, it is important in order for you two to have a relationship that will last the test of time, especially if you are planning on getting married. There are only two problems, one is if it isn't the meds messing with his sex drive it is a warning sign that I have seen in every boyfriend of mine and my friends that a lack of sex drive usually means an interest in someone else. I am not trying to say he's cheating I am just trying to let you know that is a sign in some cases. However My fiance and I had a similar problem a year or so into our relationship and I sat him down and just opened up about all the feelings I had been surpressing thinking he would come around eventually and we talked about what the cause was and surprisingly it wasn't anything to do with me or sex but he felt that his performance wasn't up to par so everytime we would he would think about that and it would make it seem (to me) like he was simply doing it to make me happy. So no matter what you need to talk to him about the concerns you have and the effect this is having on you. Good Luck and I hope this helps a little.
2007-03-06 09:08:47 · answer #2 · answered by cheesussinclair 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the reason he only goes for 5 minutes is he is not having enough sex and as far as the foreplay you said he was a virgin well that's YOUR responsibility to teach him what to do and when etc and another possible reason he may be afraid,I know this from experience .I bet once you start spending more time together and he gets in your groove he will be an animal he's 22 and he will be wide open but teach him slow and teach him what you like cause this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with this man just don't get upset at him about him blasting off too quick it takes endurance and he'll do fine once he's taught and you kinda stroke his ego even if it last 2 minutes it'll leave him feeling all manly and stuff you know what I mean Good Luck
2007-03-06 09:07:19 · answer #3 · answered by connor'snana 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Girl I went through the same thing with my ex. The sex lasted minutes....and I hated it. It is important, but you have to fnd a way to talk to him about it. I never really did. But that was in the past, we broke up for other reasons. Oh, good luck, your not the only one else out there that has these problems. Just try to talk to him and tell him whats going on.
2007-03-06 09:03:49 · answer #4 · answered by pink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There could be a medical problem. Perhaps a reaction to the medication he is taking for his condition. Have him contact his physician to see if there is any indication of a reaction to meds that might cause this. Also, Dr. may be able to presribe something to help in the short term. Otherwise, good luck.
2007-03-06 09:54:49 · answer #5 · answered by green3ch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, it may be the medicine. Some of those medications have sexual side effects. You may need to get that checked out before anything else. Sex does rate up there; but it's not the most important.
2007-03-06 09:00:48 · answer #6 · answered by bigfree_2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your overreacting at all, the medication probably takes away his sex drive. If its not the meds ask him whats wrong. I know in my realtionship sex is 60% so it is important
2007-03-06 09:01:51 · answer #7 · answered by Vanecia K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think finding a way to express your love in other ways than just saying 'i love you' is very important, me and my girlfriend have sex a lot and it definetely helps our realtionship because she 'gave it up' to me which means that she thinks i am a special person and she wants to be with me for the rest of our lives.
2007-03-06 09:07:13 · answer #8 · answered by BoSox 007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a lott of those druggs makke your lubido go away.
i was on sumething likke that once and i didnut want no sexytime.
when i went off my meds i wanted it againe
2007-03-06 09:02:01 · answer #9 · answered by Timothy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question with your question...Tell him exactly what you said here.
2007-03-06 09:01:35 · answer #10 · answered by 1st Responder FF/EMT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋