How can I be make the transition easier with older child?

Question

I am expected a baby this spring. My 4yr old daughter already know from the beginning. She act kinds of jealousy. For exp: If you hold the baby more than me I going to be jealousy (her exact words) I'm going to kill the baby(she doesn;t said this no more but she could be thinking after the baby come), I want to wear pampers, Should I still let her slept with me after I have the baby or wait. I planning on moving soon. Most people told me to wait because she not going to get used to the new place right away. She want to come to the hospital with me but I told her you have to wait until after the born come.
I know when the baby come.By the way, it is a boy. I have to get used to both of them. I know I'm not the first. How can I spent time with my daughter after the baby comes. I spenting time with her now. But when the baby comes. I won't have that much time with her.
Any advice especially parents that been in that situation or have a child around 4-6yrs old.

Answer 1

My son was 4 when I had my daughter. I worried about the same thing, my son actually came to the hospital when I was having my daughter. Of course he wasnt in the room during delivery but being there right after helped him. He loved his new baby sister. Yes, there was some jealosy issues and heck he is now 7 and there still is jealousy issues. That is going to be there forever. I would just say spend as much time with your daughter before the new baby arrives. Afterwords, once you feel comfortable, have someone watch the youngest one and take your daughter on a "date" take her somewhere she really likes like a movie, bowling, zoo, library and just spend one on one time with her. Believe me, you will have those same feelings too. I actually miss my son sometimes because we spent 4 years just us and now my daughter does take up more of my time. Also, let her play a part in taking care of the baby, with your aide let her feed her baby brother, or even while giving the baby a bath let her feel special by washing the new babies little toes or hands. I hope that doesnt sound like a bad idea, I just know it made my son feel special and helpful

Answer 2

First of all, congratulations! You must be very excited. My son was 5 when our second son was born. You already have some great advice on how to make the transition easier. Here are a few more ideas. You might want to have someone come and stay at your house with your daughter while you're at the hospital. This way she'll still feel secure in her own place. A favorite aunt or grandmother would be great.

You don't want to have your daughter in bed with you if you will be co-sleeping with the baby. There is some argument about whether or not you should have a baby in bed with you at all, but most people agree that older siblings could cause harm to the baby accidentally in the night. Maybe your daughter could sleep on a mattress on the floor in your room. Get one of the neat little tents and she could pretend she's camping.

Once you come home with the baby, you will still be able to spend time with your older daughter, but it will be a different kind of time. You will be sitting down with feeding and putting the baby to sleep more often. Make a nice little "nest" for yourself and your daughter. Choose a comfy chair where you will be sitting for feeding and other care. Put some neat books and puzzles in a basket so that she can sit beside you as you care for the baby. This way, you can still be close and interacting. Add some snacks and bottles of water and you might never have to move again!

The advice about having her help is great. Children of this age will like to feel older and grown up. Be sure to play up the good parts of being big. "The baby can't choose what shirt to wear, but you can!" or "The baby can't eat waffles with syrup, but you can!"

Good luck. It's scary at first. But work from love, trust your instincts, and make sure that you give your daughter words of encouragement and support every day.

Answer 3

What you can do is let her be your "special helper" and help you a lot. Make her feel like you couldn't take care of this baby unless she helps you! Give her special jobs to do that she can only do, like bring you diapers and clothes for the baby. She will probably go back to acting like a baby too. She may wet her pants and ask for a bottle, that is normal. She will grow out of it. She just wants attention like the baby. It will be hard at first to split the attention, but don't ignore her to take care of the baby. Let her help you a lot and have a special place right beside you and the baby. Let her go do something fun with someone while you have the baby. Then let her come to the hospital and see the baby. Let her "hold" him right away and start up telling her how much you need her help. After, make sure you spend time with her alone while the baby naps. Yes, you should let her still sleep with you because you can't change everything about her life right when the baby comes or she will hate the baby and associate all the changes with the new baby coming.

Answer 4

Make any changes, such as a move or changing beds before the baby comes if you can. That way your daughter will not blame the baby for the changes.
Let your four year old be your special helper, she can help with getting diapers, maybe bottles, anything that she can do, with supervision. Let her know that even though your family now has two childern, you still love her. You will be able to read to her while you are feeding the baby, and try to spend some time just with her while the baby naps.

Answer 5

Check your hospital and see if they have a sibling class. I took my son before my daughter arrived (he was 5 yrs old) and it was great. The nurses explained what was going to happen when the baby arrives and what they should expect. She gave them a doll to hold and change, she made a fuss about being an older brother/sister and what an important job it is.
When leaving, she gave them a goodie bag with a coloring book (explaining a new babies arrival) and crayons. She also suggested that we get lollipops (found at the hospital gift store) that say "Its a boy/girl" and let them hand them out to their friends and family.
It was really fun. I hope you look into it for your daughter.
It's good your having a boy - this way he'll have different toys.
Good Luck with BOTH your babies!!

Answer 6

Make everything out to your daughter like she is the "Big Sis" and she has to set a good example for "Little Bro". Kids thrive on being a good example at that age! If she gets out of line, just give her the, "That's not being a good example...". Whatever you do, don't forget to do things just with her when the baby comes, make her feel important!