I've been in a relationship with my partner for over a year, for a long time he denied that I have asperger's, now he's said that he'll believe that I have it. But no matter how hard I try to inform him about it he just shuts off. He gets freaked out when I do or say something weird and doesn't understand why I have to know alot about anything I'm interested in. The worst part of it all is that I'm not aware of the tone in my voice alot of the time and he often thinks I'm arguing with him, I don't think I am and don't know why he's getting back at me until he gets angry, but I didn't realise it before. How can I help him to understand, without having to go through the painful arguments or boring him to tears? Every time I think I've got the way to tell him it fades when I try and the words go, and I end up repeating myself or going round in circles.
2007-03-06 08:46:15 · 5 answers · asked by ukfuzzy29 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Counseling is probably necessary so you both can learn to communicate with each other. If he wont go, you should still. It can help you learn to communicate better and to determine if this relationship is right for you. I know it's tough. My daughter has Asperger's too and has had difficulty in her romantic life (she'll be 21 this year). I would enjoy coming to know you better. If you care to, feel free to e-mail me using the link on my yahoo answers profile. Either way, I wish you well. Good luck, sweetie.
2007-03-06 08:53:09 · answer #1 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he needs to understand before your relationship can go on any further. Find a website or buy a book and sit down with him and go over it with him. He might see how serious you are if you go to the trouble of doing that. Also, it sounds like he might be "shutting off" because he's scared to hear anything bad about you. Explain that it's not necessarily a bad thing, but just that it will take a little extra work to understand each other and make the relationship work. Good luck to you and your partner!
2007-03-06 16:53:48 · answer #2 · answered by Skye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one, did he watch Big brother? That could have helped him to understand with Pete being in the house. get him some leaflets on the subject, go on line to research it with him. Ask a family member to explain it to him, maybe you are too close and emotional to explain clearly. Failing all these tell him calmly you have the condition its part of you and he has to deal with it.
He could be a bit scared as he doesn`t understand, perhaps you could get a signal between you to alert you to when he thinks you are being `weird` as you put it. This would help him to feel both more in control and help you to try and alter the tone of your voice.
I am sure with patience on both sides you can work it out as you have been together for a while and obviously love each other. Good luck.
2007-03-06 17:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem very knowledgeable about your condition and seem confortable 'in your own skin' based on the information you included in your question. This condition is not well known, and he may be afraid of the 'stigma' that is associated with it. But if he cares about you, he should be willing to learn more about it. So, I suggest that you find a means by which he can learn more about aspergers syndrome to increase his understanding. A counselor might could enlighten him or reading materials could do the trick. You sound really bright. If this guy doesn't appreciate you...it could be his problem. good luck
2007-03-06 16:52:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my brother has aspergers so i know what you are talking about.
guys dont like talking about what could be wrong with their girlfriends, because they feel like they should be able to fix it or deal with it and when they cant, they shut down or get angry. my best guess would be to print out some info about it from the web, nothing long or complex, just something brief but descriptive. give it to him to read, dont make a big deal about it, just hand it over. tell him you want him to learn about it if HE wants to. take some of the pressure off him to have to understand and totally get you. i know its hard to let things go, but the more you push about this, the less likely you are to get the response you are looking for. give him time, like a couple of weeks and then reapproach the subject. if its still causing a problem, then you need to evaluate your options. you can a) leave him - probably not what you want to do and may not be appropriate since lots of people have trouble dealing with their partners illnesses despite loving them deeply. or b) learn to let this one go and accept that he isnt inside you and doesnt understand. try to be flexible when dealing with his lack of understanding. not everyone truly gets what aspergers is like for the people who suffer from it and you cant force someone to jump on board.
but also, make sure that when he talks to you about something that you are doing that bothers him, that you validate his point of view. it can be hard to deal with aspergers and part of the responsibility falls on you to modify some of your more antisocial behaviors. if you know that your tone can be harsh or inflexible, consciously work on softening it. tell him verbally that you dont mean to sound so harsh, that you understand that it can be hard for him and that you are working on making it better.
it can only go two ways in the end: either it will work out or it wont.
2007-03-06 17:08:17 · answer #5 · answered by green13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋