My finance is ready for kids before the weddding well at the very least he has baby fever. i think we should wait untill were married. He wants to still get married but doesnt understand Am i being selfish.
2007-03-06 08:36:41 · 20 answers · asked by schristine23 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thanks pink denial thats what im trying to get through his head. I dont want to be a mother & girlfriend would rather be a wife first. thanks guys
2007-03-06 08:47:42 · update #1
Honey stick to your decision. Don't give him the privilege of having his off spring without being married. A child is a very big responsibility and you will have it for 18 years whether he decided to marry you or not! The baby fever will pass, he'll get over it. You are not being selfish, think about how many women have children without being married with the INTENTION of EVENTUALLY getting married. You're doing the right thing wait. You should be proud of yourself.
2007-03-06 08:46:42 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
NO WAY! You are definitely not being selfish. Raising a baby is hard work and a big strain on a relationship. That's why people get married first--for the stability of the relationship before the child! You should have that connection and that stability first.
I think you're a smart woman for wanting to be married first. If he can't see that, than maybe you should rethink marrying this man at all. Why would he marry you after the baby if he doesn't want to get married before a baby?
You have two choices--either make him understand that marriage is important to you and you believe it is the logical step in the progression to having children and that you are not willing to budge on that point, or you have to understand that you two are in very different places with very different views of the world and walk away--as much as that may hurt.
Good luck. You've got a good head on your shoulders. Don't lose it!
2007-03-06 18:18:12 · answer #2 · answered by ms. teacher ft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you want to get married first before you even think of having children. You are not being selfish. Tell him your moral and religious convictions are important and you want to do the right thing before your God. Marriage is something every girl dreams of and you should have your dream. Tell him that if you cannot afford a big wedding, you will be perfectly happy with a smaller wedding but just as the poem says: First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage in that order. I would insist that you marry first. Best of Luck to you both.
2007-03-06 17:53:38 · answer #3 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not being selfish to want your boyfriend to commit to you. Doesn't matter who pays for what... Why doesn't he want to get married first. It you have the baby before you are married his name will only go on the birth certificate if he signs a paper.
I have learned alot in my year 20s and I have to say the best advice I have for young couples is first have a good job, buy a house, get married wait for a year to have a baby. That's only my opinion but I had a baby out of wedlock. I am married now with three children and this is what I tell most my family and friends.
Hope it helps.
the wedding doesn't have to be big
2007-03-06 16:47:40 · answer #4 · answered by letigutierrez77 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not selfish to want to get married before having kids. In fact, it's a common practice! However, if you're planning to wait for 5 years before having a wedding - be prepared that he might get tired of waiting, and will find someone else to have children with. Why not reach a compromise, and plan to get married sooner rather than later? If he can't wait a year before having kids, he's got a problem.
2007-03-06 16:58:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being selfish. There is a typical order to this type of thing...wedding first, then kids. Besides, being married and then having kids seals the "family unit" much more effectively than having kids and planning a wedding.
Would you rather be a wife and mother, or a girlfriend and mother?
2007-03-06 16:43:50 · answer #6 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you dont want a kid before you get married then you dont have to have a kid yet. i dont think your being selfish, but i dont think he is either. he wants babies...i think thats great...i just think maybe his timing is a little off. what iwould like to know is how he doesnt understand. you left that out. like is he going on about it even after you told him no? is he saying your being selfish? maybe it isnt that he doesnt understand but more so that hes a little disappointed. i know my husband really wants kids and has for a little while. when i first told him no because i was in school he got a little upset and may have come off like he didnt understand, but he did. im still in school, but i decided i want a kid too so we are trying and i know that we love eachother enough to make it work. good luck to you and i hope everything turns out. im sure he'll be ok...just give him some time
2007-03-06 22:00:13 · answer #7 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I imagine that everyone else has already told you this (since you thanked them already - I try to respond to questions before I read other responses so that my answers are completely unbiased)...but here's my two cents. There is no guarantee that he'll marry you after you give him a child. If he wants to begin having children right away, go to the JP and get married, get his name legally and then tell him you can talk babies. As for the actual wedding ceremony, you can always go back and do something nice.
2007-03-06 16:55:43 · answer #8 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish. You are obviously not ready to have a baby, and you shouldn't have one if you're not ready. Tell your fiance you want a wedding and a marriage first, then a baby. Ask him why he wants a baby so badly now?
2007-03-06 16:49:00 · answer #9 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not selfish!! Having a baby in the wrong situation with no stability just because you want one, is selfish. You are entitled to have your child when you want to, in the situation you want to have it in. Don't do anything you think isn't absolutely right. A child is too important to have when you are not sure.
2007-03-06 16:50:15 · answer #10 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋