I am 18 almost 19 years old.. I am very close to both my parentsbut my mother is not letting me grow up.. i wanted to go to college but my mom would not let me.. so i got stuck going to community college.. she wouldnt even let me go to a college 3 hours from home... when i toldh er she got really sad and made me feel so bad for wanting to leave.. i want to move out sometime in the next year but i dotn want to hurt her feelings.. how can i tell ehr nicely that im leaving???
2007-03-06 08:20:33 · 20 answers · asked by lovepixiek 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Expect her to feel hurt and to try to make you feel guilty. But let her know that it's not healthy for children to remain under their parents' wings without feeling a full sense of responsibility and success in the world. She can't jeopardize your future career path and social life forever, so when you talk with her, you two need to settle on a reasonable time frame so that you both can prepare yourselves.
2007-03-06 08:32:31 · answer #1 · answered by wrtrchk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That’s a shame that you got stuck going to a community college because your mom can't let go. It is not fair of her to give you a guilt trip for wanting to live your life. At 19 years old you have every right to leave your parents house and live on your own, she should not prevent you from doing that.
However, just realize that if you are asking her not to interfere with your decision to move you also cannot ask her to pay your way. (Ex. rent, car, cell phone etc.) I am not suggesting that you would do that, but I know plenty of adults who still expect mom and dad to pay their bills.
In essence, you are asking your mom to treat you like an adult, so show her that you are...if you are looking at apartments find something you can afford, close to school and work. Arrange to move, get roommates, or whatever you need to do beforehand present everything to her in a organized, calm and adult manner. If she starts with a guilt trip, gently explain how much you love her and appreciate the great mom that she is but it is time for you to do things on your own. If she continues, tell her you respect her point of view and ask her to respect you and to try to see things from your point of view as well.
If you are an only child or the youngest, your mom is probably struggling with "empty nest syndrome" which is quite normal. If your dad is more accepting of giving you independence, then have a family meeting and discuss it rationally and together. Good Luck and just remember someday you will be a mom facing the very same problem...go easy on her BUT stand your ground.
2007-03-06 16:38:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are going to hurt her feelings regardless, but you need to get on with your own life. I would let her know that she will always be your "best friend" but you need to explore the world for yourself. It is not easy to move away from you mom in this case, you will miss her as much as she will miss you. Make sure you thank her for everything that she has done for you and for being there for you. Try to tell her the positive things about you going away to college and tell her that you will always be just a phone call away.
2007-03-06 16:41:45 · answer #3 · answered by lu2681 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents were like that too. I lived at home until I was 18 or 19, and my mom did NOT want me leaving yet. (I was just moving in with 2 friends, about 10 minutes away) lol
Explain to her that your future is important to you, and that you want to be able to be independent and successful. She's stifling you by not allowing you to grow on your own right now. Maybe for good reason? We don't know that.
As a parent now, I can see she just wants to protect you and have you as close to home as possible.
2007-03-06 16:25:43 · answer #4 · answered by Jasmine Lily 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her to think of the consequences if you didn't go to college. You will be flipping burgers for the rest of your life. Tell her you are making an adult decision to better your life and honey, you ARE an adult and you do have that right. A parent's job is to get a child ready for life on their own and college is a part of that.
2007-03-06 16:26:26 · answer #5 · answered by Skye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not place your happiness in the hands of another person, including your mother. Sometimes peoples feelings get hurt. But in the end, continue to deny yourself the intentions of "moving on" in your life, not only will you continue to suffer, but your mother will suffer as well. This is a natural occurrence. This has nothing to do with where you go, it has to do with the fact that you are ready to go. Maybe you mom is not ready for you to go.. .Well, sorry.. but that is her problem.. and she will have to deal with it. You should be honest, and with kindness and love explain that you are ready to leave.. to begin the life that she and your (father?) prepared you for. You want to leave because you feel ready, thank her, love her and no matter what, listen to yourself and always be honest with yourself. Sometimes you get hurt in life, sometimes you feel joy, sometimes the sky is blue, and sometimes it rains. But nothing is permanent, nothing stays the same....you can count on this...
2007-03-06 17:11:22 · answer #6 · answered by Che K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you feel. It doesn't sound like you've tried at all yet, but just gave in to her making you feel bad. Tell her you are old enough to make your own decisions, but she is welcome to make suggestions. And if you wanted to get an education at a school 3 hours away, your mother shouldn't have stopped you. And she shouldn't stop you now from moving out. I know she'll miss you, but you gotta do what you gotta do. There's always phonecalls and visits too to keep in touch.
2007-03-06 16:26:31 · answer #7 · answered by :) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your moms hurt feelings are not what is going to get you through life. You must remind her of this. If she is resistant to you to the point where you feel that it is impairing your future then you have to make your own way. take the initiative to find the school and the financing and if still your mom isnt responsive or willing to compromise you may have to make moves on your own.
2007-03-06 16:27:04 · answer #8 · answered by LeiMe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
children are not possesions, children are gifts that we have to raise them, love them, and eventually let them fly.
If your mom hasnt reacted good about you leaving home it seems that no matter how nice you talk to her she will still feel upset,
please dont feel guilty, the way she is acting is not healthy for you, leaving your parents is part of growing up
two things may happen, either she finally understands it and supports you or she doesnt and tries to continue to make you feel guilty,
unfortuntaley not all parents understand that when children reach adulthood they have absoultely zero control over their children's lives
hope your mom sonner or later understands
2007-03-06 16:28:25 · answer #9 · answered by Alejandra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if ur mom wants the best 4 u she well let u go and that is sad dat ur mom wont let u go 2 college.
2007-03-06 16:26:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋