My new boyfriend is very emotionally guarded. Even though I know he's trying to open up, he usually goes back to being closed again. He's been hurt by a lot of girls. It's been 3 and a half months and he still hasn't said he loves me :( I'm trying to be patient but I don't want to end up in a cold, loveless relationship..
2007-03-06 08:00:05 · 14 answers · asked by TuoTuo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Time, trust, time, trust....then a hell of a lot of patience coupled with more time & a lot more trust....
2007-03-06 08:05:14 · answer #1 · answered by Funky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So he has to love you? There is pressure there my dear. DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON (whistles blare).
I wouldn't open up to you either. Nothing screams drama filled, unbalanced relationship like your little question up there. Most guys like stable girls. They like girls who don't force the issue and are there for them. If you can't be that, then you aren't ready for a relationship.
AND TO YOUR DEFENSE...
If he is willing to let ever twit that ever hurt him affect his relationships from thereon out, then it is his loss. He more than likely isn't stable himself and probably is pretty damned annoying once you look at it square on. Run, don't walk to the nearest exit.
I love guys with walls. They are independent and know the weight of things when it gets serious. I myself am pretty emotionally gaurded, but not because I have been hurt...but because bleeding everywhere emotionally gets you no where. People today don't respect love or relationships, they take it like drug addicts take coke or meth. Seriously. Think about it. Define love.
2007-03-06 16:07:59 · answer #2 · answered by Thera 9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TuoTuo,
You can't push someone in to doing something they either they are simply not capable of, are just aren't ready to do.
You have a decision to make. Whether to tough this out with him, or figure out whether this is worth or not.
Once you've come to that realization, you will have a plan you need to execute. If you understand, love him, care for him and empathize with his plight, than you should give him another chance.
But be prepared for the outcome. For every action there is a reaction.
I wish you the best of luck.
2007-03-06 16:06:02 · answer #3 · answered by Bathroom Graffiti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hasnt said it yet he either doesnt luv u or hes just simply not ready sometimes these things take time. u have 2 b more patient and please dont pressure him i was pressured once by a guy i was going with and i tried 2 get him 2 stop but he wouldnt and finally i couldnt take it any more and i dumped his sorry but. so dont put 2 much into it right now just give him some more time. i was also hurt by guys so if hes been hurt , i could see why hes scared.
2007-03-06 16:12:19 · answer #4 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't tear down someone's emotional walls - only they can do that. 3-1/2 months is not a long time - you are expecting too much too soon. I think you need to give him more time. If he keeps trying, consider it progress. If after a year, no progress, no change, then maybe you rethink the situation.
2007-03-06 16:06:24 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
COMMUNICATION AND HONESTY Are keys to a long healthy relationship.
If he's been hurt several times...do you blame him for not wanting to open up and give his all..so far..look where it's gotten him* Nothing but HURT*
Just because he can't say the words "I Love You" doesn't mean he doesn't*
Try to be more understanding and put yourself in his shoes to see where he's coming from.
Talk openly to him.....letting him know* that you're there for the long hall of it* you're not going anywhere.and that you Understand* what he must be feeling since he's been so hurt and it takes time for wounds to heal... SHOW him you love him rather than wanting him to say those 3 special words. When he feels he's ready....to give you his heart* he will*
For now..be Patient.........it's only been just over 3months....if you push him....you will be left out in the cold*
GOODLUCK*
2007-03-06 16:07:53 · answer #6 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
3 months is not enough time to get to know someone. And you can tear down emotional walls that is a personal decision and it takes time. Weather or not you want to invest your emotions on someone who has been hurt its your choice. But you cannot change him he will change when he is ready it doesnt matter how great or good looking your are.
2007-03-06 16:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by Lovely 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't "tear down" someone else, because he will resist you trying to force him to do something.
The turtle will come out of his shell when he thinks that it is safe to come out, and not before; you cannot pull him out.
If he is taking too long to warm up, then maybe he is not the one for you. Maybe you need to find someone else who is more like you.
2007-03-06 16:11:21 · answer #8 · answered by Randy G 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 months is really not that long, I'm sure he will say it when he really really feels it, you dont' want to force him to say something he really isn't sure about. The worse thing to do is pressure someone into saying it, be patetient he will come around.
2007-03-06 16:06:09 · answer #9 · answered by dreamangel1102002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It took me a year to say that to my girlfriend. Don't worry about your relationship, just love him without worrying about being loved in return...that part is up to him, and should be allowed to occur without pressure, so that it truly is his love.
2007-03-06 16:13:18 · answer #10 · answered by hellotman16 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show him that u care for him and try to be understanding. Once he feels comfortable with u he'll open up.
2007-03-06 16:03:58 · answer #11 · answered by *VS* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋