Am I missing something here? Why would she do this?

Question

am working overseas and me and my wife have had some issues lately, shes changed in the last few months, goes out alot with friends, comes home late sometimes. I just learnt today that she was flying out of the country and she didn't tell me. We have kids and she didn't even plan to give me information about who would take care of them, how i would be contacted in case of emergency. This isn't her first time and when we last had this discussion, she promised to be more communicative.
What am i missing? is this marriage a gone deal and how should I take this forward?

Answer 1

Keep a journal where you write down everything that happens--dates, events, who said/did what. Everything.

Watch your bills. Keep copies of your credit card statements and phone bills.

Check her internet use. Go into the Temporary Internet Files folder and "dumpster dive." Keep anything suspicious.

Do this all secretly.

Then get a good lawyer. You'll need one soon enough.

Sorry, buddy. Been there.

Answer 2

Talk to her? Give her enough love?...that's a bunch of bullshit. Long story short, she's banging someone else. There are some lines you don't cross, and that was one of them. One of my best friends when through this and got this feedback from his lawyer:

While she is gone wherever, take a family emergency leave of absence from your project, go back home and do some research. Contact her parents, friends, etc. and find out what the real story is. If it's what you think it is, immediately change the garage door opener and the locks on the house. Then get the best, nastiest divorce lawyer you can find. Have your family or someone you trust watch your children temporarily and instruct them not to accept any contact from her until the situation is resolved.

"But that's so cold" is something you might be thinking or hearing. Why do it this way? Because it's exactly what she would do if the situation were reversed and worse yet, she would be legally entitled to do all of it. So after you listen to about a thousand crying and sobbing voicemails and promises of change and feelings of guilt and regret, then you'll be in a better position to decide what the next step is. My divorced mother taught me the best lesson: "You ALWAYS negotiate from a position of strength, never weakness."

Answer 3

Sweetheart, you've got problems with your wife. What is she eve going out of the country for? If she's not telling you then I would have to say there is something else going on. THats not fair to you. How long have you been overseas working? How often are you home with her? She needs to be more responsible. I think she is taking advantage of the situation just a little. And that is wrong. I think in your heart you know what the right thing is to do. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

You need to get home from overseas as soon as u can, sit her down and discuss this.

It could be she resents u being away overseas at work, feels she's carrying the can regards work at home, kids.

If this is the case it may be time to change jobs and work at home.. this could be the message she's trying to give u man.

Its unfair of her not to tell u at leats where she's going and where the kids will be, after all you're their dad.

U need to talk straight to her, about all of this, face to face, both of u explain whats upsetting the other, and what can be done.
Tell her to imagine how upset she'd be if u organised minder for kids and didnt tell her, remind her you are overseas, not on a holiday, but working..but listen to her grievances too

good luck...

Answer 5

If she refuses to be communicative about something as basic as that, when the health and welfare of your children are involved, I would definitely secure my legal rights as a parent. It doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship, but the kids are of the utmost importance at this point. Have another family member check on the situation, and continue trying to keep the lines of communication open. If for no other reason then to try and find out what she's up to. Good luck & God Bless!!!

Answer 6

It sounds as if your wife is acting as a single parent or single person already. It is really hard to have a relationship long distance and even harder to have a really important conversation, but that is what you two need. You need to tell that in no uncertain terms that she is not acting like a responsible wife and that these kinds of actions hurt you and your marriage. If she doesn't change you may need to take action. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

It sounds to me like she has no respect for your marriage, and she doesn't value your opinion enough to change her ways! I know alot of women that don't inform there husband or mate where there going, with who, and who is watching the children, there father has a right to know this valuable information, in case of emergency and etc. I would sit and down and let her know your feelings again, because you obviously love her(you wouldn't have married her), if she seems like she doesn't care about your feelings then leave her trifling ***! Personally, I think she is seeing someone else!!

Answer 8

Maybe she's acting so independent because she feels alone...with you working overseas she doesn't really have you there to talk or whatever. Just let her know that even though you're overseas that you're still here for her and that things will only get better but she has to make the relationship work too...

Answer 9

Let her know that you guys are committed to each other. You're supposed to trust each other in everything.
Two options- Try to help build up your marriage.
or
Sadly, divorce.

Please do not even try to think about the second option, because this is what is tearing apart the world today. So messed up, perverted, and corrupt. Let her know that you guys are all one family, and should be 'together' and all into one thing, if you know what I mean.

I hope all works out well for you!

Answer 10

I'm so sorry. There's nothing worse than a broken heart. Marriage is a very complicating thing, and it sounds like your wife has big problems. I would find out from her exactly what's going on and go to counseling, otherwise I don't see how this marriage can work without her cooperation...